How common was EOW in the early 90s?

We had EOW. Ex #1 did (well, got his mother to do) Wednesday from school until the morning as well and insisted on half the holidays to the exact minute, Ex #2 was 'far too busy working, you know - work?' to lower himself to setting foot into the playground and never had any leave left for holidays.

It was normal - and more than had previously been done for many, as the children I knew who had a father in their lives never seemed to see them again once they'd got a girlfriend.

My dad never saw me in my school uniform ever, didn’t want me and my sister every other weekend either. Pretty much walked out of our lives and never looked back although we did see him every few months if he bothered to turn up and didn’t “forget”. I don’t have any relationship with my dad. When I was young I didn’t realise what I was missing, now I’m an adult I so wish I had a dad who cared. It’s a sad situation but something I can’t do anything about.

DFIL moved across the country when he divorced DMIL. He only saw DH for the 6 week summer holidays and Christmas. He is now ill and his wife thinks DH should be driving 7 hours every other weekend to give her some respite. Absolute shocker.

I think this is quite common now still, it's what we have with my DSS as well as longer in the holidays, and if he ever wanted a random Friday which has happened we jump at the chance. But most blended families I know have this set up too

I think it was fairly common. It's what I did in the 80s and 90s, although my dad also worked on a ship so every second month it was no weekends. We used to stay half of Christmas break and half of the summer break.

I think at that time, at least where I lived, it was far more common for kids to go to school locally, walking, and often even coming home for lunch. So unless both homes were close to the school, kids would tend to need to stay in one home. And in general there was a sense that they needed some stability in the week.

While that might not suit everyone, personally I would never have wanted to move every week, much less within the week. I would have found it really displaced and upsetting.

I did have a friend where the parents lived fairly close, and they switched households ever six months, for much the same reason - they had tried month by month and still found it too much change. They did visit the other parent lots in that period, they just didn't change home base unless there was something unusual like a work trip in the mix.

I'm close to my dad, fwiw.

I get what you're saying, but I'd never wade in on those threads. Our EOW was only 7 or 8 hours on a Saturday. It could also describe Fri after school until Sunday evening and some school holidays which is a different thing altogether.

I know that my kids (ASD) would really struggle with any arrangement were DH and I to separate. But I don't think 50:50 would work for them as it wouldn't have done for me as a kid.

It's sad whatever the arrangement but if both parents are putting the kids' needs first, you would hope that they make the best one possible for their family. I agree with @boltt though that that is not very often the case and one parent is not thinking of the kids.

I was aged 5 in 1978 when my parents split and Dsis and I would see dad EOW and every other Monday night. We could go more if we wanted, he just didn’t want us. When I got to aged 10 I’d walk back home to mums (she’d usually be away for the weekend) and let myself in with a key and spend my time there and then go back to dads to sleep

My ex takes the kids to school each morning and then over night Saturday night and drops them back Sunday afternoon (pick up around 5:30 and drop off around 4:00).

My exh has the dc EOW but he does come to see them 2 times during the week usually which imo makes a huge difference. I honestly don't know anyone with a 50/50 arrangement.

My stepdad was in the army so there were times that we lived abroad and I wouldn't see my Dad for 6 months at a time. Even when we were in the UK the distance meant that I only saw my Dad in the holidays. This was mid 80s. He rang me every Sunday without fail. He also sent me a letter every week. I then went to boarding school for secondary school. My Mum chose a school close to my Dad as they knew they would be abroad for the majority of the time. He came every Wednesday to take me out for dinner and collected me every weekend straight from work on Friday and dropped me back as late as he was allowed on the Sunday trying to make up for lost time.

Spent every other weekend at my Dad's when my parents first separated in the 70s, by the time I was a teenager it was more like every other Sunday because I didn't want to spend precious Friday and Saturday nights at his as it was too far from my friends.
My ex had his kids every other weekend and Wednesdays when we were first together and the kids were 7 and 9. Around the time we decided to live together his ex decided she'd had enough of dealing with the, now 12 yo, son's behavior so he came to live with us and his daughter carried on with the EOW and Wednesdays routine until she got sick of my stepson's music and refused to stay at all, so we just saw her occasionally at weekends.

When my Ex left they moved about 450 miles away. I made a lot of effort to ensure that DD stayed in contact with them, but the distance was always going to reduce the amount of contact time.

Definitely EOW with my friends with divorced parents in the 1990s.

To be honest in 2 of 3 cases the dads.had moved the mistress and her kids into his new house and my friends didn't have a bedroom anyway. One had 3 mixed sex kids on a futon and air mattress on his office.

My brother got divorced in early 2000s with 2 kids under 3. He did EOW and half the school holidays for their entire childhoods. Zero contact outside that time, never went to school events or parent teacher evenings. My mum used to bang on about what a great dad he was because so many just bugger off entirely. Talk about a low bar! Most of the kids my children go to school with do 50/50 or close to it provided the parents live close enough to make it work.

not the topic but DH and I are still together but have gone through some rocky patches. He does very minimal parenting, will respond if he is in the room but doesn’t have a clue about what goes on with the kids, their school, friends or hobbies. He hasn’t even created a login for the school website that they have been attending for four years and therefore doesn’t read their reports or marks. If we split and he had them EOW it would drastically increase his time with them. I am sure we aren’t the only family where the dad wants the status of parent without actually doing the work.

My Ex only does eow. 6pm ISH Friday to 1pm ISH Sunday. It's all he wanted and he moved over an hour away so can't really do weekdays. I've asked if he wants more and he's said no. He might have them a couple of extra nights during school holidays but that's it.

The kids don't seem bothered thank god as he was never the most involved parent even when we were together.

Isn’t it still the most common now? 50/50 is highly frowned upon on here and always said to be about reducing maintenance 🙄 I always felt like eow wasn’t enough time to really spend with your other parent sounds rubbish to me but most on here think it’s the ideal. I had no contact with my father growing up 90s

My kids had that arrangement. I worked full time, so it was one weekend for me, and one for their dad. I got the hard work and stress, they got consistency and a stable base for school etc, and he got to be the 'Happy Meal and fun' Dad.

DGC has 50/50, that seems to be the norm now but tbh I think spending half the week with one parent and then having to take all school stuff and clothes to the others halfway through the week to be in a totally different type of household is disruptive and unsettling, and I am concerned how the outcome will be. I think EOW was better for the children.

Please do comment on the threads saying that they believe kids should have eow and 50/50 isn't fair on the dc ... I've seen the harm when dc didn't get contact with their dad

I think it's the lack of 'real life' contact that gets me.

No phone calls during the fortnight, so he only saw us on Saturdays. He never had to deal with us tired from school, stressed about homework, being fussy about food, being general pains in the arse. I never moaned to him about normal kid grievances. My poor Mum had to do all of that shit while he got to take us swimming/bowling/cinema.

50:50 wouldn't have worked either, he lived an hour away and had a new partner who definitely wouldn't have wanted that even if we did! We barely even visited their house.

I did this in the 90s and 00s too OP.

There wasn’t any discussion or thought of anything different. I don’t remember ever being at my dad’s on a school day. We would do a holiday a week a year.

What was a bit weird was that as result we had 0 belongings or any personal stuff at our dad’s house. Just took a carrier bag of clothes and tooth brush.

We've an informal eow arrangement now. I have offered time in the week, so far not taken. I arranged a video call with DD recently at her request, have done similar for him. I offered the whole of Feb half term because we went away in October half term. He's taking Thur/Friday. I told him about parents evening/the Christmas show. He didn't come. He was supposed to have Christmas Eve but went away.
The journey is ~an hour. He picks up from school and I collect on a Sunday.
I have a very good example set by my own Dad siblings. We're all very close now. I want to make sure that, when inevitably the time comes, I can look my daughter in the eye and tell her that I have done everything in my power to maintain that contact.

@Bluebellsnowdrop for me 50/50 didn't work. Our son was only 3 at the time. He became incredibly anxious and as he is non verbal too it was difficult to understand why apart from the "house hopping" being too much for him.

We now do 9/14 with me and 5/14 with dad. This works well. Once he is older (he's now 5) 50/50 will be revisited. Hopefully he'll speak in the future and be able to give his own input too. I think it is a lot of little ones to try and understand. I was his primary carer and to be away from me without being able to understand (he's little and ASC), I think it was just too much for him. He still cries now going to daddy's and it breaks me.