How common was EOW in the early 90s?

This is what my ex does. EOW 7pm Fri-7pm Sun. It's shit

I was a 50/50 kid from early 90s. It was amicable, worked out down to the hour and parents lived 10mins from each other. My dad was a very involved parent, probably more than my mum tbh. I was actually the only kid I knew of who had "2 houses", it was a big deal in the playground.

I hated it. I think EOW with a midweek evening would have been preferable. With either parent.

We did one weekend a month with my Dad - mainly because he moved 2 hours away. I used to hate it as I was a proper car sick child and hated being in the car for that long, and I just didn’t like going. I now have no relationship at all with my dad, we had an argument when I was 11 and he told me he never wanted to see me again!

(I turned 11 in 2002 so was doing once a month sort of mid 90s onwards)

People can think what they want but I fought for my DC to not have 50/50 because I know

1. The DC were very young and being suitcase children would be unsettling
2. The dad had not really bothered doing very much for the year previously
3. Even though he had money he was refusing to get somewhere suitable for them to stay
4. He initially stated he wanted them EOW and then all of a sudden changed his mind and wanted 50/50
5. He had no clue about their friends, their teachers, their likes/dislikes
6. He had never done any support for their out of school activities and refused to take them when things were on 'his day' although thankfully he has changed on this in years since.
7. He has never helped, checked or encouraged anything to do with their schooling unless asked
8. He can barely take them away for a holiday for more than a couple of days

I was an older teen in 1990 when my parents split up and hardly went to my dad's house. My sister was several years younger but neither of us ever stayed there. I wouldn't have wanted to, even if I'd been a child. He'd never done the same kind of parenting things my mum did and I would have found it too weird. Plus it was the other side of town where I had no friends and didn't like staying in as there wasn't much to do.

I can’t remember exactly, I think at first it was every Saturday. We then stayed over on a Saturday into the Sunday and dad took us on holidays every summer.

I remember missing my mum desperately when I stayed at ny dads.

He called daily.

Now I have a great close relationship with him and my mum.

My sons father had eow pick up Fri from school then drop at school on Monday. My son is older now and arranges things for himself.
I never blocked more contact this was his suggestion. He used to threaten me with 50-50 whenever we had an argument but never followed through.

Most prevalent. Ex husband did not agree to 50 50 only want to see the kids one weekendxever fortnight, I have to battle over a year to add one evening a week. He only takes the kids for 2 weeks holiday per year as his own words he is entitled to have free time. Father of the year award go to him

Every Other Weekend was and is normal. It is when my DS sees his DC, though he also has them for part of the holidays e.g. in summer. Not sure how often my DSGS sees his two DC, but they are often at my DiL's, so I think the arrangements are a bit flexible.

When I challenged my ex over custody, I specified half the year in each home and EOW for the other half of the year (we live in the same city). It only applied to my DD, but my DS always chose to accompany her.

I only remember the odd occasion of staying at my dad’s. I also remember waiting and he never turned up. Sometimes he picked us up and took us to our grandparents and left again 🤷 My dad was a waste of space! I’m 53 now and have no relationship with him.

We done every other week from Saturday 12pm until Sunday 4pm. Only my parents were too toxic that our older sister had to take us on the bus across London and our dad would drop us back. I lived for those moments.

You'd think it's the 70s @boltt in this house: teenagers here are supposed to see their dad EOW, but they don't because he's totally detached from their daily lives whether they're in his care or not - they spend all weekend gaming when with him (which, shock horror from DS14 "gets really boring") and he doesn't get in touch for the 12 days he doesn't see them. Ever. Despite the fact as teenagers they have their phones on them 95% of the time. It's very very sad to witness - but then again his terrible emotional and psychological abuse, total detachment from our relationship, and inability to communicate was what decimated our marriage.

My parents stayed together but EOW seems very familiar from my childhood friends.

Some didn't see the NRP at all.

One friend had much more of a shared care model and it was thought to be really odd. And her Mother had complicated it by moving which made it much more difficult for her to get to school from her Dad's house. As an adult I wonder if it was intentional of her mother.

My friend always got on much better with her Dad (and continued to do so when we last spoke - our friendship has drifted) and I wonder if her Mum thought the school move would force her to spend more time at her house....

I'm sure you do - my DH feels the same!

I have already mentally prepared though for not beating myself up if I can't provide much care if he needs it as he ages. I have my hands quite full with my own DC which really rams home how little emotional support he offered me as a child.

It must be hard seeing your DH feel guilty, I hope he can find some peace with that.

Late 70s, early 80s, I stated off seeing dad every other weekend. I hated it, he wouldn’t let me out to play with my friends, there was nothing to do, he didn’t feed me properly. So it went down to every other Sunday, and when I was 14 we had a huge row and I refused to go any more. I would have hated 50/50! When I got a little older we made up and I started seeing him again regularly, but on my terms as he was still very controlling, it only worked when I was old enough to set up firm boundaries with him. We ended up having a close relationship until he died.

Oh and my dad moved 45 minutes away too. What is it with dad's living 45 minutes away? Must have been in some 'what to do when you divorce' manual in the 80s/90s!

I speak with a lot of children from separated families. NB, these are families in court so not parents who’ve been completely amicable.

Of those who can safely see both parents, I’d say the majority don’t want 50/50 and prefer one main base especially for school term time. Some actively do want it, some say they want it because they’re trying to keep their parents happy (they often say “because that’s what’s fair”, I always ask them who it’s fair to and mostly they say their mum and dad, and often answer differently when asked what’s fair to them).

I hardly ever see judges make orders for equal shared care.

That’s the arrangement we had - I was three when they split. When we still lived in the same area I went every Weds night because my mother worked late, and I don’t remember how the weekends were arranged. We moved an hour away when I was eight and I lived with him for a couple of months so I could keep attending my school until my mum had bought a house and settled, then EOW after the move. Once I was about 13 I used to get the train across and he’d drive me back on Sunday.

My mum offered him a lot more time, he didn’t want it. The divorce was her idea and she should deal with the consequences. Having my own child has made me think hard about my own childhood.

That's how it was with every divorced kid i knew in the 90's-00's. I mean the ones who had an involved dad. Which is crazy to think.

My bf had this arrangement when he was a child and we recently spoke about it when he made some noises about how divorce sucks cause you only get to see your children few days a month. He was amazed that the starting point is 50/50 these days.

Same set up from the early 90s onwards, but dad came Sat am and dropped off Sunday early evening. Very occasionally had short summer holiday with him. Exactly the same set up, lived about 45 mins away.
He phoned like clockwork twice a week on a Tuesday and Thursday, he is a major creature of habit 😂. Even if we hardly had anything to tell him, I think the fact he called was appreciated.
Very reliable but didn't ask for any extra time with us. We get on well and always have, but can go weeks without hearing from him.
Daughters dad same set up but he collects her from school Fri pm and drops back Sunday early evening. Has her more in school holidays now as she is older and really easy going. Very rarely calls her which I find bizarre? Especially now with video chat etc being free. Even if we swap weekends or go away so he doesn't see her for an extended time he doesn't phone. I find that extremely strange.

@JoeySchoolOfActing sorry to hear that. I feel infuriated on DH's behalf when DH is feeling guilty about not seeing his dad enough. He literally couldn't have moved further away from him and offered no support to DMIL despite being very wealthy.

This was me in the 90s. Stayed with dad EOW from Saturday morning until Sunday evening. Definitely feel EOW ruined any chance of a proper relationship with my dad. We get on fine as adults but we don't have a close loving relationship, only see each other once or twice a year with a bit of text messaging.

Similar to you OP, Friday 4pm to Saturday 5/6pm, 45 min journey each way, EOW - but this was in the 70s/80s.

Occasionally we got to stay 2 nights. But we never spent holidays or any weekdays with Dad (he was taking his new family abroad). We once went on a 5 day holiday in Yorkshire, when I was 10, which I think Dad found torturous (but I went pony trekking so I loved it).

I have never even had a Christmas Day with my father, and I certainly don't think he ever picked us up from school! We have a good relationship, he's 88 now - he's not a bad person, he's just selfish, falls "in love" easily and needs all the passion and subterfuge and romance of forbidden fruit. 🙄 My DB can't forgive and they have a strained relationship because DB is mentally re-writing history, but I'm over all the navel-gazing. He's just my Dad, he's been a dick in his time, but nobody died and my childhood was perfectly happy with my DM and stepdad - I didn't know any different.

My dd sees her dad for two hours maybe less EOW. It's complete bollocks and makes me really angry. I wonder how she will look back at it. Im sad for her but I've been forcing it for years I don't know what else to do about it. I'm honestly surprised how many people on mumsnet say they are 50/50.

Exactly this!!

I struggle with this a lot in terms of the amount of contact my Dad expects from us now he is elderly.

Maybe one day I'll be brave and say 'i thought I'd just catch up with you every other Sat for a few hours and no calls or messages in-between. That seemed to work ok for you all those years ago, no?'