How common was EOW in the early 90s?

In the 90s I saw my Dad every other Saturday day time, no contact in between. He also lived the madatory divorced Dad distance of 45 mins away. I would stay with my maternal Grandmother random weekends, who he lived 5 mins away from, he wouldn't visit those weekends. The Saturdays were spent sat next to him on the sofa whilst he watched sports for a few hours then to my Nan's for tea (she was the best so that part of the day was brilliant). I felt nothing for him whatsoever, I was mildly fond of him like I would be an uncle. As an adult I would see him maybe once every 3 months when I went to visit him, no contact in between. His choice, not the kid's place to maintain a relationship. He's dead now, meh.

The vast majority of my friends who had divorced parents in the 90s had an EOW arrangement. Or didn't see their dads at all. I didn't know anyone who did 50-50 or stayed with their dad in the week at all.

70's child here and unusually for then, my dad had custody of me and mum had custody of my half sister and baby sister. I was 4 years old and we started with EOW alternating me going to mums and my sisters coming to dads. As my sisters became older they stopped coming to dads and I had every wkend with mum plus a week in the holidays, some years. It was unusual and god knows what judge thought it was a good idea but mum wasn't very stable and I had a better life with dad. However there are no winners in that sort of situation.

My dad was in the army so we saw him at weekends when he was actually around - but only for the day. He would pick us up after breakfast and drop us off slightly before bedtime. I only remember actually staying at his place once when my mum and stepdad had a weekend away for their anniversary. If he was going away on exercise he would pick my sister and I up from school and take us out for dinner (Burger King) before he left for 6 weeks or 3 months. And sometimes when he got back after being away for a while he would take us out after school. Once he got out of the army and moved away we stayed with him most half terms and for part of the summer holidays. There was never any formal arrangement though. My parents agreed that we would live with my mum (because: army) and my dad could see us anytime he liked.

This is lovely and sounds like it is written with great affection for your dad.

My experience was that eow wasn’t a common thing until later.

dad had us every weekend and most of the people in my school in the same situation were also every weekend. There were far less of us though than what it seems nowadays thought so I put the change down to that but maybe we were the anomaly.

he took us every other Christmas and for a chunk of the summer holidays too but I understand that was less common even among my peers who’s parents were divorced. Also he lived in a different town so it was also to do with us having to travel and it not being possible to just pop to see each other.

obviously it wasn’t a blanket rule as divorce is complicated and relationships between parents after affected. We were lucky that our relationship was good but I knew others who while they did go every weekend had more similar experiences that’s been described on this thread where they were there physically but there wasn’t good engagement etc.

My older brothers would come over every Saturday. They didn’t stay over though. One did live with us for a year. It was nothing formal and went entirely on what they wanted to do.

My ex went to pick DC2 up from school last year on a Friday (his weekend) as I was away and my mum couldn't do it. He collects at 7pm Friday usually. First time he'd ever picked them up (DC1 walks home)
He went to the wrong school. She was in Year 5.

EOW and one teatime in the week here. Honestly, the only memories I really have are sat around bored in front of the TV. We were teenagers, and he just expect us to comply - be talkative, be fun. Despite the fact he never was, unless it was when he was trying to force us to - he never put in the effort to create the kind family environment he thought people should have, fun, relaxed - never put any effort in - then expected us to turn it on like a tap when they separated!
He still to this day doesn't understand that he never spent any time actively engaging with us before the separation, actively got annoyed when we had hobbies or interests he didn't like or understand, and at the slightest bit of conflict went into authoritarian mode, he blames the separation and 'well you didn't want to come'. I spent years after that 'turning it on' when i saw him, to be happy and cheeky and tell him about my life, try and emulate the relationship he thought we should have - im exhausted now, and don't want to, and he doesn't like that. He would say 'he tried, but your mother turned you against me' or 'he tried, but you weren't interested' and gets offended if I don't tell him things that he thinks he should know 'as your dad'. He will never see the connection between his behaviour and the current relationship, because that would require him thinking beyond 'well, I tried to make conversation with you as a teenager and you were grumpy'. He stopped all financial support when I was 17 because he lost his job - he got a new one a few months later, but it simply never occurred to him that I'd need support during university, I think he bought me a food shop once in 3 years, while him and his girlfriend went on holidays. I have no idea what he thought I was doing for money - I don't remember him ever asking about student finance or costs of housing etc.
And I somehow still end up feeling bad, because he is completely oblivious (or at least he hasn't put in the energy to actually review his past behaviour... yes, i am on the Stately Homes thread) because there are people out there who had completely AWOL or abusive dads, much worse situations than me, and yet sometimes I just wish he had gone AWOL instead.

My daughter would be devastated with any less than 50/50 ad she's very attached to both of us and ex DP has always been a decent hands on parent. The only thing that would be better for her would be us together.

I did every weekend with my dad for 24 hours - Friday tea to Saturday tea or Saturday tea to Sunday tea - occasionally the whole weekend. I never had any contact in the week either in person or by phone and he only lived 10 minutes away. This didn't change in school holidays either.

It should be. My ex husband said that 24 hours every other weekend was more than enough. It would have disrupted his life too much to have the children more. As soon as the children got to 16 and 14 they refused to go one weekend because they wanted to go to a party, they havent heard from him since. That was 20 years ago

I used to go to my dads once a week, never stayed over - but tbh, I'm glad 50:50 wasn't a thing then. I used to go mainly out of duty - his house was a shit hole and he never did anything to entertain me, just sat about in his house bored stiff till it was time to go home.

I think EOW has changed now. It's more common to see EOW with dad picking up the kids from school on Friday and taking them to school on Monday morning. So one extra overnight and a lot more time during the days. It seems to have changed for men who are willing to be flexible with their work and finish early and make up hours plus actually provide what their child needs in their home rather than expect them to pack a bag and bring it all with them.

Every single one of my friends with divorced parents used to go their Dad's EOW. Except one who lived far away so she'd visit him for school holidays. So I do think it was very common. I always thought it was because weekends were seen as the only 'free time', during the week doesn't count with school and work and homework etc (not my own opinion, just what I think the logic was supposed to be behind it)

Same here, exact same timings as you too. It was every other weekend though as lived further away.

Late 80s/early 90s I don't even think me and DB had EOW with Dad. More often than not it would be a few hours the odd Sunday and stay over Friday night now and then.

It was more regular we'd have Friday night with one set of grandparents and Saturday night with the other to give DM some respite.

Definitely wasn't a blended family arrangement once Dad was married and DSB and DSS came along. I remember a few nights staying over on the sofa, I was made welcome but it wasn't like it was a second home or anything like that.

Early 90s for me, and the pattern was mostly EOW apart from the first year as Mum had a care home job at the time which included some overnight shifts so I did have some other nights in the week with Dad. This then became EOW once she left that job.

It just seemed normal to me at the time, although I don't think I had a lot to compare to. The only other person I can swear to who had divorced parents in that time period is a friend I didn't meet until university - I know his dad moved an hour away so 50:50 would have been difficult for him and his siblings to get to school. I'm not sure exactly what arrangement he did have, but it wasn't that.

Dad's second wife had two sons, they had 50:50 for a while and I remember thinking at the time that I wasn't sure I'd have wanted that as I wouldn't have had a place to call home. (Also, Dad had moved about half an hour's drive away and 50:50 time there wouldn't have been great for school).

ExDH left for OW in the mid to late 90s and had DC EOW
OW also had 2 DC and their DF only had them once a month
We did split school holidays where possible
I don’t think he wanted them more as 4 would have been too much, he worked long hours and did some extra work on a weekend
Adult DC and I discussed very recently and they said they would have hated 50:50 as OW wasn’t that nice to them, when DF was there they resented sharing him with other DC

We had this until my mum decided to move us away to be closer to her family. After that we only went to see our dad twice a year - a week at Easter and a week in the summer. That eventually became just a week in the summer. And then eventually nothing because he wanted to drop it to just a long weekend Thurs-Mon and I thought fuck that, I'm not travelling all that way for that.

Far less harm than living with two people who are miserable and staying together for the sake of the children. I had friends who went through this growing up. Their homes were uncomfortable places to visit because you could feel the tension.

I'd argue that by living apart my parents repaired things rather than broke them.

It's as if, for many men, children are something that they tolerate in return for the benefits of having a wife who will faciliate thier lives. Once they lose the services of the wife they feel that any duty they have towards the children is much reduced.

That must have been heartbreaking for your dad. My parents separated for around 4 years and I guess I spent more time at my mum's, but I remember it being more like 50:50. Parents lived in the same town though, so that made it easier.

Same arrangement here from 1993.

My Dad wasn't interested, was supposed to have regular contact but rarely bothered, often just didn't turn up, then contact dropped completely but he would randomly appear one day every two years or so as if nothing was wrong, this was late 1980s into 1990s. Some people are just not capable of being parents.