Christmas Presents from Boyfriend

What made you start a thread about Christmas presents 3 weeks after Christmas. What's the point in festering all this time. If you think he doesn't make enough effort, just ditch him and feel happy on your own,

I think present buying can be a key thing in relationships. I know couples who are happy to spend £30 on Xmas and just don't bother, vs couples who go overboard. I personally agree it's the effort and it's best if it's matched otherwise one person will always be resentful.

My DH is not the best at buying gifts but he does try which is what I want. I have learnt to be honest ( with only white lies) for example for years he kept buying me a diary. I don't use diaries as I have my calendar on my phone. But as I always said thanks I love it, I just got a new one every year. This year he bought me some lovely PJs as part of my gift that were a surprise. I had asked for pjs but wanted them to be a surprise. I absolutely love them but we have been together 25 years and I do try and tell him what I like as I am mature enough to know he's not a mind reader.

Call his bluff and book all of the activities and make him pay

It's not the lack of spending, it's the lack of thought. Chocolates from the back of his cupboard? An autobography about someone you dont even like? He's a dick. If he can't make a bit of effort now at the start of the relationship then God help you in a few years. As PP said - throw this one back in!

If you do stay in the relationship, you need to drop the roses tinted glasses and get analysing. If you're a giver, is he a taker? Analyse what you actually want in a relationship ship and don't compromise on the fundamentals. Do a profit and loss analysis. Figure him out in everyday possible and put yourself in scenarios based on your relatio ship rules and figure out who fares better in the relationship. I'm will to bet it will be you who has to compromise, do more than 50/50 and not have anything to show for it. But if you decide to stay you have to accept what he has to offer you.

You are looking for what he doesn't have.

You can choose to stay, and be upset at his lack of thoughtfulness every birthday/valentines/anniversary/Christmas/Mother's Day, or you can choose to accept he is not a naturally generous man, and just get on with it.

I think it would be sensible to agree a budget for birthdays / occasions / Xmas etc going forwards…… I personally don’t want presents from my husband or him from me…. We use money towards doing things we both like, nights out, holidays.

some people are naturally more generous than others when it comes to presents …. Some are better at gift buying. Some people have been brought up buying and receiving more lavish gifts.

Mark it up to experience and agree something budget wise going forwards. Or each buy a pair of gig or theatre tickets for future gifts so they are all more of equal value

My partner of 10+ years is shit at presents. He tries his best but if I want something I tell him what I want. He will buy it me no questions. He prefers some guidance instead of having to be psychic. Is he kind and thoughtful in other ways?Perhaps gift giving is not his way of showing affection. If the relationship, sex, etc is otherwise good, I wouldn't ruin it over gifts. Also why on earth are you spending that much?? I don't spend that much on my kids!!

He could be bad at buying presents or spent a stupid amount of money on tat. Could he be short of money at the moment? Are the vouchers for things you like?

It sounds like you're very generous with gifts, which is lovely and he's very lucky. You need to decide if his poor gift giving is a deal breaker, or you reduce your spending on him in future.

I don't think you're entitled. £80 for someone who earns well is a kick in the teeth especially when they gave you a list worth £300. He's testing you to see how low your standards are. Cut out vouchers and old food from his house is disrespectful. It's been a few weeks since Christmas and you're still feeling down about ot which means he hasn't done anything to fix the situation either. You can do better you know you can

Have you actually talked to him?
Does he have any clue you're upset?
What were the gifts he got his family like - he could just be crap at doing gifts.
Now Christmas is over it's a good time to sit down and say that you were a upset about the way the gifts happened.
You need to discuss what you will do as a couple next year (and for birthdays this year).
Between the two of you decide on a budget and decide do you do wish lists, surprises or a mix of both.

Dump him he is telling you that he doesn't think you're worth spending on. If he wanted to he would have given you something nice but he may be viewing you as a temp gf and wanting things 50/50 is pathetic. Imagine having a baby with this idiot. There's no 50/50 when it comes to pregnancy child birth and keeping a baby alive.

Clearly he wouldn't. You are very different people.

You say he's wealthy, he wouldn't stay like that if he was spending recklessly.

He spent £80 on you not a fiver. You are sounding very entitled.

And he asked for quite expensive branded things (that would not have a cheaper alternative)?

Did you post a few weeks ago, and you asked for a certain brand of makeup and a perfume and he only got you a mascara and no perfume?

The gifts sound ok at first, a book, cosmetic items and chocolates would be perfect for me, but a book I don't want, cosmetics I don't use, and chocolates that were hanging around his home for months sounds absolutely shite. Next time (if there is a next time) set a mutual budget and tell him what you want. I agree with pp, he shouldn't have asked for an expensive item if he was going to buy you tat.

Yes it's not about the content of the bag - which could be nice if they were special chocs or a book that you've been desperate to read - but it's the thoughtlessness

Some people simply do not value gifts. It sounds like he's one of them. If you want to stay with him you need to let it go. It's ok to walk away if you can't do that

So is the idea he pays for the activities? We’re the activities things you enjoy doing?

Rather than focusing on what he got for you I'd focus more on why on earth you were prepared to spend time listening to his list of wants as if you're Santa Claus and then spent quite frankly a ridiculous amount of money on someone you haven't actually known for very long. Especially when he quite clearly doesn't care about what you want as he did not ask you in return. What were you hoping to achieve by spending so much time and money on him? I'm not asking that question to be rude, I think it's an important question as it will reveal what you're not getting from him and from this relationship.

I think this is a bigger red flag than the Christmas presents thing if he earns alot more than you. It's nice to go halves but it's also nice for the higher earner to treat the lower earner. Me and dp have fluctuating incomes sometimes he has more than me and sometimes me more than him and we act accordingly.
He's going to be a nightmare if you ever have children with him.
It sounds like he isn't prepared to put anywhere near as much effort as you in.
His £80 "junk" may have been nice if it was well thought out and appropriate but it doesn't really sound like it is.

Were the activities something you'd like to do? Will he actually book (and pay) for them? If not then he's a CF.

You didn't have to buy anything he hinted about just like he didn't have to buy you perfume.

Doesn't sound like a relationship worth continuing if you are so upset and focused on money. Committing to experiences for the future is showing some thought imo if it was things you would like, if not then he's not that into you. Dump and move on. Not worth the drama after a year.