Christmas Presents from Boyfriend

They were chocs and biscuits she’s seen lying around his house months before and an autobiography of someone she has not expressed any interest in .

I think this is the issue. In November/December have a discussion, share present ideas, give him a list. You're still simmering, so the communication isn't great.

That's not "a bag of junk".
What else is going on here? Is it because he doesn't bring you flowers?

A cosmetic item (£30), a book and chocolate/biscuits.

That doesn't add up to £80, does it?

Either way, it sounds like you got him what he asked for and he didn't do the same for you so I would have a conversation about that. I would have done it in December though, to be honest.

What did he ask for, out of interest?

Fuck that shit. If OP wanted a dog , she would get one.

Ah, another couple who can’t or won’t communicate then complain about.

Is he a good man? Is he faithful? Does he treat people well? Is he honest? Don't dump him over this - you can re-train him.

Why would you suck it up? You’re a grown up - so use your words. Tell him that you’re unhappy with this and say why.

There are so many of these threads on MN, with women just passively accepting behaviour that makes them unhappy. Often for years. Why?!

Spend much less next time regardless of his hints for whatever costs £300. If he reacts badly then point this Christmas out. Richer people are often stingy. He is a bit thoughtless, and no you are not overreacting. Why is the bar so low for men doing things?

You're daft to spend more than you can afford on a guy you've been seeing a year!

How was he supposed to know you'd get everything he'd mentioned and how was he supposed to match the value of the gifts if you hadn't discussed it?

If receiving thoughtful/ expensive gifts is important to you then you might need to tell him that! For many people (more men than women it seems) gifts buying is a hassle and not something they think of as important.

This was meant for Neodymium

Why in the hell are you putting up with is behaviour? You are worth more

"One year, I bought a boyfriend a gold eyebrow bar (it was the 2000's!) and some aftershave."

It was the 2000s? Even so!

I think the feeling of him not caring and palming off stuff is very off putting.
He couldn't be bothered to buy something decent or ran out of time. Either way the lack of effort is unattractive.

Dont suck it up. Never buy him another thing if you stay with him. He sounds like he knows exactly what he is doing and doesn't care because you dont say anything. I would look for someone else who would appreciate £300 being spent on them. Wishing you good luck and hope next Christmas your with someone nice instead of this selfish arsehole.

Spending £300 on a present is way over the top. There are lots of ways to show someone you love them - not just gift giving. Does he do other stuff for you? Like DIY or gets your car serviced? Read 5 love languages

I'd then book the treatment with him there for a really nice place and hand the phone over for him to input credit card details and pay for it! Get something out of this OP.
He was clearly very thoughtless!

was he expecting you to get all of the things he mentioned, knowing they cost £300 altogether? Or did he give you some suggestions and you brought them all? If the former I think he’s been quite grabby to expect a girlfriend on 12 months to spend £300 on him and then buy you stuff for much less with crappy IOU vouchers.

I'm sorry OP but he isn't that into you.
His 50/50 comment and luck of effort shows that you should stop investing into this relationship.

I think your first mistake was not setting a budget. We have had 9 Christmasses together and still set budgets for each other each year! Was the list of bits he gave you a list of suggestions and you just happened to buy them all or was it a definitive list of things he wanted?

It's obvious really that it's not actually about the cash value , but about the thought put into it, or more precisely lack of.

The reason it stings so much is not the money but because this is a clear sign of the lack of care and effort he puts into your relationship, perhaps you've noticed it in other ways and other areas, and this is the first clear example of it. You don't have to stay in a relationship that makes you feel bad about yourself, or makes you feel like you aren't worth making an effort for.

You sound kind, thoughtful and generous. He does not.

Second hand chocolates? IOU vouchers ffs? And we all know the book is a regift, with lotion from Tesco.

You deserve better OP.

I think the point is not the actual gifts it’s that you don’t feel heard, and that’s a hard pill to swallow I hear you @PandyDandy my ex used to do this, get me stuff that was in therapy a good gift, but not want I needed nor asked for.
My current DP got me beautiful earrings that I can wear everyday. A book by an author I said I liked last year, some primer I was looking for, bath bombs because I take baths weekly to relax, and a little personalised book that brought tears to my eyes. I have never felt more understood and listened to.

It doesn’t matter what Mumsnet thinks. Trust your gut. If he spent £80 on something you really liked and presented it well I don’t think you would have posted. You don’t need to settle.