Christmas Presents from Boyfriend

Thoughtful? For a band HE likes and OP doesnt?! Thoughtful my arse, it sounds lazy.

I feel you OP! To me presents are something you wouldn’t buy for yourself.. a treat… my very recent ex bf got me a couple of things that I asked for and that I wouldn’t buy for myself. Total was about £35… our budget was £50.. along with those he got me cheap supermarket chocolates.. a cheap rucksack…. Not once have I ever used a rucksack, mentioned buying one, plus I have a chronic back condition so I wouldn’t use one anyway, and some resistance bands. If I needed or wanted any of those things.. I’d buy them myself! They’re hardly expensive or a treat! It wasn’t about the money.. it was the complete lack of thought! It was raffle prize tat, nothing more!

so that sealed his fate as it was a running theme.. not just in terms of gifts… the whole relationship..

so yeah…. Lack of effort and thought says alot if you ask me!

£300 is a huge amount to spend on a bf of a year. Especially as you had to work hard and save up to provide that.
I don't think I've ever spent more than about £50 on my DH of 16 years.

It sounds like you just have different expectations of what gifts should be.

And in his defense, the IOU vouchers sound cute and thoughtful.

Glad to hear it

I gave him an absolute earbashing! Told him he was a self centred prick, and that I felt like his mother rather than his wife and equal. He didn't like the mother comment! He has improved massively since.

What have you done about it?

Yes I'd be upset

Have you spoken to him?

He's clearly tight. I hate tight men - especially when they're tight of thought and consideration

He told you what he wanted so I think you can now tell him. Voucher for a band you don’t like — tell him you’d like to swap that for a Spa day next weekend , here at X , you can book it online. Hand him your phone to book it.

I stumbled across a YouTube video yesterday that said…
Stop being so ‘nice’ to men when you first meet them.
I agree.
Had he not asked for a single thing and turned up with a random bag of crap, it would still be thoughtless but not quite as bad but…

1. he has enough of his own money for the treats he wants
2. he brought old chocolates out of his kitchen
3. he ignored OP’s very specific pointer about perfume she likes
4. pretend IOU vouchers are the height of CF. This man is selfish. Raise your bar. You deserve better.

It sounds like he was lazy. That isn't appealing. It's the lack of thought and effort not the money that's upsetting. I've had homemade presents that cost nothing but time and thought that have meant a million times more to me than a more costly last minute grab. It makes you feel like he doesn't know you or doesn't care. Maybe it's bothering you because thsts how he makes you feel on other situations. In which case, trust your instincts.
also promise vouchers with no actual voucher are often worthless - you have to ask the giver to pay or deliver rather than simply cashing it in and I know from experience that in most cases the giver never offers to make it happen. The onus is on you and somehow it feels a bit grabby (can I have the cash for....).

Just get rid of him, he's a selfish tightarse.

I hope when you say ‘move on’ you mean dump his ass?
I would tell him you’ve found the beauty treatment you would like and ask him to pay as promised.

Then I would dump and enjoy the beauty treatment, bit childish but yep, that’s what I’d do. It’s shocking how he hinted for expensive gifts and gave you rubbish. He is a cheeky fucker. I don’t see how you could possibly have any respect for him after this, let alone love.

I also think £300 is way too much (I could afford it without saving up but would still baulk at such an expense). If you have to save for someone's Christmas presents - especially an adult's! - you can't afford them. Next time set expectations accordingly and don't fold to hinting.

Read this out to my husband and he said “maybe he doesn’t like her much”.

I agree - the amount of effort someone puts into things like this is always indicative of how they feel about you.

I’m sorry OP. Think it’s time to move on from this loser.

Try and swipe your spenny presents from his house first though (the ones you bought).

YANBU

I think there was some sort of lotion, a tin of biscuits and the vouchers.

Anyone else just baffled by the maths? 😂

his gift cost £80 but the cosmetic item was £30, the box of chocs were already lying around his house, so the autobiography cost £50?

The fact that he asked for specific expensive gifts and then gave you such thoughtless ones is a huge red flag. Especially since you say that he is financially comfortable and earns much more than you. His gift seems like a slap in the face and, possibly, a test of what you will put up with. I would feel very hurt too if I were you and I would give serious thought to whether I wanted to stay with this person.

Some men are just crap gift givers, but yes the chocolates is a clear sign of lack of care. I would get those vouchers booked asap to see his reactions and make your decision from there. But book a band you want to see. And make him pay. No 50/50 it's your present.

@PandyDandy the disparity is he basically said what he wanted and you acted on it and you dropped hints and he didn’t. This will only change if you have a conversation (which may not go well) or, when he brings up the next thing (eg his birthday) you say ‘I’m going to ignore all your hints like you ignored mine at Christmas’ (bit mean hit makes the point.

It's hard to say because it's all relative. £300 and £80 mean different things to different people. And some people aren't very good at buying presents for their partners, especially if it's a new partner. He should not have hinted for expensive gifts though if he was not willing to put in effort for yours. Either you have a discussion about it early on before it sets the tone for the future of the relationship or you walk away. Personally I would give him another chance if everything else is good up to now.

A further update says chocolates, a tin of biscuits, body lotion, the biography and an unspecified cosmetic item costing £30.
Oh, and the vouchers.

Cash in that beauty voucher asap, OP, it can "expire" any moment!
The other voucher can wait.

So why don’t you call in your vouchers? If you don’t like the band he suggested, find one you do and ask him to book that instead. Tell him you would like to have your beauty treatment next weekend. You chose to buy everything on his list, he wasn’t very good at taking hints of what you wanted, adjust your expectations.

It's not "junk". Just not what she wanted. She needs to talk to him about her expectations and the boyfriend should make more of an effort.

Don’t bin him off just based on this, if otherwise he’s a keeper then teach him.