Christmas Presents from Boyfriend

Honestly this is a nice Christmas gift for a boyfriend/girlfriend. Did you chat in advance and agree a budget...? If not then this is just a case of misaligned understandings on presents. In my family this level of gift would be very normal, clearly not in yours. It's annoying for you because you were on the rough end of the deal, just buy accordingly next time or agree a budget together. It reminds me of the friends episode "what if she got you 1 big presents, a bunch of medium presents and a whole load of little presents and you just get her 1 great present... why would you make her feel bad" if you don't discuss it, nobody knows!

Just out of interest this sounds exactly like my Ex he used to give me rubbish tat was a high earner!
It will not get any better 😂. Id bin him like the present's.

Totally agree with @zanina on this.

He's asked for expensive stuff, earns well and yet still got you shiity cheap gifts with no thought put into them.

The whole 50 50 is a red flag too. If you love someone you want to treat them well , you're not bothered about counting every penny up to ensure things are fair.

You deserve so much better OP

Next time text him a list. With links in if necessary. Explain that whilst you appreciate he made an effort to get you something, you'd rather he spent his money on things you really (actually) want.

If he ignores this, then he's a thoughtless d**I and how you proceed is up to you but you need to decide whether it matters to you.

Mine does buy me flowers for no reason - but only if I'm standing looking at them in the supermarket 😂

updating to say - I noticed upthread you've said you need to move on from it (or maybe from him) - good for you for realising it's going to get you nowhere, you deserve much better so don't let someone be such a cheapskate to you in future. I can't get over his stinginess of printing out vouchers, what does he think you are, a 5 year old?!!

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Sounds like you have a comms problem.

why aren't you talking with him about it, what do you expect MN to do.

you aren't unreasonable in wanting a thoughtful Christmas present, especially if he drops hints what he wants, but you won't get anywhere moaning about it to other people. If he's that mean and uncaring why aren't you still with him, he obviously makes you miserable.

I know you are not married nor fighting about money but I think, OP, you would find this useful. It's about what money/spending represents in a relationship. But you have to be able to talk to him...
info.gottman.com/marriage-minute837-fighting-about-money?ecid=ACsprvs_uWmDFZSaPjaZocMSGuLgkQwdy-fX6o7H2a0QKLxpOBqLMX8T2Df8Za2-_y2XgySC05dE&utm_campaign=Marriage%20Minute&utm_source=hs_email&utm_medium=email&utm_content=343242728&_hsenc=p2ANqtz-_lXpi2XO-S6hkXG4BNXHpJRbLY9HxXXnpKNPww4kHbaRCxm-Co8gyyI7JrbRbQZyKk57zBZFjKl6GFA4w_cUcgo-Io9w

I read all the OPs posts. Funny how you criticise and someone else agrees. How wonderful we all have autonomy..

In my experience men will show you how they view you through things like gifts. It could be either direction eg. Refusing to spend anything because he doesn’t see you as worth investing in, or other end of the spectrum buying you tons of stuff so he doesn’t have to give in other ways eg time, emotional investment etc.

Also look at the actual things he buys for you. They show you what he thinks about you. eg. Domestic items meaning you’re his servant, stuff he actually wants for himself meaning the obvious, IOUs meaning he knows you’re a pushover who’ll accept the promise of crumbs and he’ll never actually need to make good, he knows you’ll stick around anyway…

Go with your gut, these gifts mean something about your relationship and that’s why you’ve been agonising over it this long.

I don't think you sound entitled but many people don't think of "just because" gifts, like flowers.

You are right if you are disappointed by the lack of thought rather than the monetary value. If you stay together you might want to go firmer on your wishes for what he should give you.

Goodness me,that's alot to spend on a bf of one year,I only spend £30 each on my son,daughter,son in law and granddaughter,I put the money in their banks,and they buy what they want with it.

Having heard the full story it does sound thoughtless and uncaring of him. Do you value the relationship otherwise, love him and see yourself having a future together? If so, talk to him and let him know you are disappointed and see if you can get a common understanding on gift giving and showing care for each other. If not, what are you doing with him? One year is quite long enough to waste on someone you don't love and can't communicate openly with.

Christmas was weeks ago, it’s definitely done and dusted and I’ve moved into 2025. I’m sort of baffled why you’re still festering about this.

I can see that the bag of things potentially doesn’t sound like much thought has been put into things which would bother me. I would have moved on by now I must say, life is too short. I don’t think I’d have an issue with vouchers for activities he’s thought through but potentially not had the time to physically get the voucher for? Make sure he follows through with it and enjoy it?

but back to my original point, Christmas was weeks ago. If this is still an issue you need to speak to him and not mumsnet and potentially move on to someone else.

I think you’re basing the value of your relationship on how much your boyfriend spends on you rather than how he treats you. Is he kind? Is he attentive? Is he loving? Does he treat you with respect? Does he put you first?
There are men out there who beat the shit out of their woman and then turn up with an elaborate bouquet to say ‘sorry’.
My DH has never bought me flowers, not even when I gave birth, but he’s the first one out of bed to make me a cup of tea every morning, he takes good care of me if I’m unwell, we snuggle up on the sofa to watch tv, I get into my car and find he’ll filled it up with petrol… I could go on, and although DH has bought me expensive gifts for ‘special’ occasions, they are not the norm and it doesn’t matter, because love isn’t about how much money he spends on me, or that he doesn’t buy me ‘just because’ flowers. Love and care is shown, it is not demonstrated with ££££ 🎁 and 💐

I bought my boyfriend of 4 months 2 gifts of clothing which he needed, costing a total of £110. He asked me what I'd like and I said "I don't really need anything", hoping for a nice surprise. I got a surprise alright - He gave me a £5 box of chocolates! I learned the difference between NEED and WANT. Next time he asks I'll give him a list to choose from 😀

@StrawberryWater I’d be very happy to receive those.

It sounds like you’re chasing the idea of a perfect relationship which is all about show not substance. Do you like him enough to ignore his lack of perfection or do you think it would be worth looking for someone more on your wavelength? He’s unlikely to change x

Seems like you couldn't be bothered to read the whole thread.

Seems like because he has money you want lots of it spent on you.

Did you say anything to him about it OP? Have you told him you’re disappointed? My ex bf once bought me a saucepan, two towels and a couple of books for Christmas. I’d never received such odd ‘domestic’ gifts before. He was genuinely shocked when I said I wasn’t happy as he said I didn’t have a big saucepan. And I only had one set of towels - I was living overseas temporarily 😂 he was just a very practical gift giver. I still have the saucepan … 21 years later and use it all the time! He did better once he knew I wanted personal gifts. I’d tell your bf you’re disappointed…and if things don’t change I’d look for a new one!

Its not about present giving- it’s about how present he is!

This 👆 The gifts he gave you seem rather thoughtful. Thoughtful and loving should be more important that showy and expensive!

Me and my OH have been together 20 years and have never spent £80 on presents for each other, let alone 300. Do you think you're trying too hard?

If you aren’t happy because he isn’t showing his affection by buying gifts now when you are dating, by no mean start thinking that :

• he will change when
• he will get better
• i don’t mind

if something is important to you, stick to it. Find someone that gives you what you want. Plenty of fish situation.

good luck 👌🏼

Hold him to the ‘I owe you’ vouchers and make plans to do them in the near future in case he is thinking of ending it

It does sound stingy seeing as you kindly got him what he had asked for so he was well aware of the price, he should also have got you the perfume

Is he stingy at other times as well

Reading all your posts, OP, to be frank your boyfriend sounds as tight as a duck's arse.🤬

He earns way more than you but insists everything is 50/50?

Doesn't sound to me like he spent anything on you at all for Christmas. Old chocs he had hanging around his kitchen - and knew you would have seen 😡 - an autobiography of someone you have never heard of - regift I guess - and some cosmetic item for around £30 which, dependant upon what it is, again could be a regift, something thrown back at him by an old girlfriend or picked up for peanuts in a sale.
Then the hand made IOU's? Did you actually ask him why one of those were for a band you don't like but he does? 😡

I say all of this as one half of a very old married couple who don't bother with official birthday/Christmas gifts nowadays but my DH is still always surprising me with odd little inexpensive flowers/gifts which are totally unexpected but really appreciated. I do the same with the odd bottle of wine he particularly likes.

I honestly would dump this guy. Definitely a tight arse who is showing you no respect or affection at all.