Friends cancelled wedding

That is shockingly rude. You've just reminded me of a close friend who said she'd leave after the meal for a random reason too.

My best friend told me whilst AT my wedding that she would stay for the ceremony but would pop off after as her dad was waiting. I told her the meal was over £100 for her and her mum and if she wanted to do that then she should have told me a lot earlier than half an hour before. I was upset - she also turned up casually dressed as if she was popping out somewhere that wasn't her best friends wedding.
After, I decided that if she contacted me afterwards then I'd try and forget it and move on, and if not then I'd forget her and move on. It's been 20 years and she's never tried.
She was my witness so my certificate brings up pain each time I look at it. I have no idea why she behaved like that.
They clearly don't care OP so just leave them be. My friends who did come for the whole wedding are still friends I speak to. It speaks volumes.

Oh, I don't know. I guess I'm a bit more forgiving. Last minute cancellations can be for any number of reasons, and sometimes people don't want to give too much info. Maybe the couple had a massive argument the night before and couldn't face acting polite, etc.

As for place settings, I wouldn't have worried about in unless the numbers were very small and gaps would have been noticeable.

The polite thing for your friends to do would be to send a card or gift in the mail, with condolences for missing the event. If they haven't done, then that shows lack of manners, but I wouldn't necessarily write them off forever.

We had a handful of people just not thrn up to our wedding, no message before and no acknowledgement since bar one who had a bit of mental breakdown on the day and was going through a divorce etc, so I understood that. The others were very long time friends of my husband and he seemed unbothered!
I always think best not to force a friendship, real ones will show up

A supposedly good friend text me on the night before my wedding asking if she could bring this guy she had just left her husband for instead of her husband. When I said no we didn't want any strangers at the wedding and it wouldn't be appropriate given her husband was our initial guest I also never heard from her again. She got back with her husband six months later and cut most of us from her life out of embarrassment I think.

I do think some ghosters are just unable to cope with shame or guilt so have to cut people instead of apologise and make good.

OP you sound lovely, it’s totally understandable to be disappointed and you would be justified in letting the friendships slide. A wedding is an important event in someone’s life and those excuses are lame.

I do think that many people struggle to celebrate others successes; including friends and family. Whether this is a promotion, getting married, having a baby, buying a new house, planning an amazing trip, etc etc. True friends will lift you during the difficult times and celebrate with you during the good times. Fair weather friends are tedious and cannot be relied upon. Try to focus on the friends who did make the effort and who shared your special day.

Someone I considered a good friend text me on the morning of my wedding to say she and her husband had a cold and so couldn’t make it. I replied to say sorry to hear that, hope you get better soon.

Never heard from her ever again. I refused to reach out to her as I thought the onus was on her to send a wedding card in the post, or text me when I got back from honeymoon to arrange a coffee or something.

10 years and still waiting 😂 Obviously not as good friends as I thought!

I agree with this re the over the top message before.

There's something very strange about all their excuses. One hasn't met your now-husband and was asking on her way to the wedding what he's like?

How long had you been engaged to him? Is this your first marriage? Were these friends not talking the wedding seriously for any reason?

I think it’s disgraceful that so many people don’t turn up , that wedding meal prob cost £85 a head and the bride n groom may have struggled to fund the wedding and then are let down at the last minute

I have a similar experience. A group of us met on a course and one woman love-bombed the rest of us on our WhatsApp group. What special, beautiful friends we were, GIFs of hearts and puppies and whatnot. A bit dramatic but ok, that's her way, and quite sweet and flattering in a way.

She was always massively keen to meet up, whether the event was just a coffee or involved travel, tickets and restaurant bookings. These took forever to organise, partly to accommodate her schedule, but no problem.

Then inevitably on the morning of the event, we'd get the 'sorry, can't make it' message, usually due to a sudden episode of terrible mental and/or physical health. Complete stress for whoever organised the event, and they'd sometimes find themselves out of pocket too. After a few rounds of this, our sympathy ran out and the group disbanded naturally anyway.

It sounds very similar to your unusually obsessed but vanishing texters OP. I wonder if it's a woman thing? I've never heard of men acting this way, though maybe I don't know enough men!

Your wedding was just a couple of weeks ago then. So it's unreasonable to cut them off but not unreasonable to wait and see if they reach out to you. I'd be gutted if transport problems meant I couldnt attend a friend's wedding but that could be an excuse covering something else. The couple may have split up.

I have to agree that this did not happen back in the day.
Things were different then I feel and weddings and invitations were much more formal.
Wedding invites were sent out by post, and I’m sure they had a specific date by which you had to respond in writing. It sounds so odd now but it made a huge difference. You bought an acceptance card wrote on it, and sent it back in the post! Or a card which said unfortunately you could not attend. Either way, these cards were readily available from card shops.
Nobody who said they were attending didn’t attend. I think the only exceptions were either if you were in labour, or dead.
I do think there is something in the fact weddings are just not viewed in the same light now. Many people don’t want to attend due to the cost plus it can be seen as not that important.
You get people who already have children, often not specifically to the person they are about to marry, already living with their future spouse, in houses that are fully furnished, they ask for money, hold the wedding in very expensive places. Often in the middle of nowhere expecting guests to pay extortionate rates to stay there with eye watering prices even for a glass of pop. Sometimes even telling guests what they can/can’t wear which means buying a new outfit.
Again in the past weddings were held in the local church or register office. The reception was within walking distance of this where there was a very cheap bar. Everyone could either walk home or afford a taxi home. Plus you could buy the couple an affordable gift from the wedding list. You knew they would appreciate it too.
I do think people balance the cost of attending
a wedding with the benefit if going, and how special it is. Unfortunately they see it as spending a lot of money, just to see a couple marry who are already virtually married, and already have a family. It doesn't feel that special like it once did.
I don’t think it’s acceptable to do what the op’s guests did though.
I would let them be the first to make a move and contact you.

This is one of the reasons we didn't want a big wedding. Apart from my mum wanting me to invite great aunt Gertrude who I haven't seen since I was 2, our thought process was that we would just have a party. Those who turned up were the ones who would turn up because they wanted to see us, and we would tell them at that point what the party was in aid of.

We did the first part, and got married in a registry office with less than 10 people present. The party bit hasn't happened due to ill health and covid, and is probably time expired now. Was a good plan though.

I wondered about this.
Do you think it's almost like preparing an alibi in advance?
She knows she's going to bail, but if she makes everyone aware of what a great event, how excited she is etc...
then she hopes that people will be more likely to believe the bail out excuse "Oh it must be genuine because she was so excited to attend,"

I’ve known someone to cancel attendance at a wedding because, with the best will in the world, they simply could not afford the transport, new outfit and overnight hotel - and were much too proud to say so.

However - I suspect the change of state a marriage confers on the bride can sometimes affect their friends in unexpected ways. And those making the loudest noise beforehand might be masking ambiguity (envy / feelings of abandonment / perception of their own ’failure’ if they’re single / etc) that boils over into unmanageable resistance on the day.

You don’t have to decide on a lifelong response right now. Just let them be and see who comes back to you. Maybe some of them never will, but others might, once they’ve gained control of their feelings.

I find it hard to understand what goes on in someone's head at these moments.How can they live with themselves?
Whatever it is, I don't think you need to make any decision about these people who let you down so badly. You haven't heard from them since, and perhaps never will; maybe they now have a bad conscience about you, as they should.
I'd just leave it, not get in touch again because they haven't yet responded to your last message, and see how you feel if you hear from them or bump into them in future.
That's great that you're happily married anyway. Congratulations.

Yup, a good friend of mine cancelled on the morning of my wedding because she was ‘too tired’. She had a young baby.
I haven’t spoken to her or seen her since.
That was 25 years ago.

I was told in the run up to my wedding that planning one and the day in itself really helps you curate your friendships and relationships. They turned out to be so right as we were also let down by a few who showed no consideration of the fact we were essentially hosting them for hundreds of pounds a head. It was a bit sad initially but felt good a while afterwards when I saw it this way: as curating your quality relationships. Let them go. I've also let go of people who only get in touch when they want my help. It's quite freeing tbh.

I missed a wedding once that I did want to go to once because I missed a flight, so it could be an honest answer

They would be dead to me, OP. None of their excuses are good enough.

The radio silence afterwards is very telling. I had a friend text me on the morning of my wedding that she could no longer make it (no reason given). I didn't reply as obviously it was my wedding day and I was busy. Never heard from her again.

I had to miss a friend's wedding last year as I had a tummy bug. Was gutted to miss it. Sent a message the day before and also posted the wedding present and a card afterwards.

Couple of people saying a headache is not a real excuse: I'm guessing you don't get proper headaches!

I had 3 people not even let me know they was not coming.
And 1 that let me know when she saw me getting into the car in my wedding dress. She totally forgot about the wedding.

I feel very sad for your experience.
I had a very small wedding and pre social media age. I think this is important.
Back "in the day" people did not "flake". They turned up when they said they would because otherwise we would have all been worried.
I realise this makes me sound like a dinosaur, but life was a bit easier without 24/7 communication.