Friends cancelled wedding

This is interesting. I can remember a couple of occasions in the past where “friends” have been really excited about coming to a party I’m hosting, only to not show up without explanation. One was heavily involved in the planning and waxed lyrical about how much she was looking forward to seeing my house. When she didn’t turn up and wasn’t answering her phone, I honestly thought something terrible had happened. I eventually got a “Oh yeah, sorry - had a heavy night the night before and just crashed out” text. Ridiculous.

Seriously? It’s not the guests’ fault for not turning up when they’d accepted the invitation - it’s OP’s fault for inviting them in the first place? Crackers.

Yes, they knew they were going to not attend and overcompensated before hand to make it look like they intended to go.

Correct. Migraines have a totally debilitating effect on my life and when I have an attach there is no way I could go to a wedding.

I got married in 2000 in the middle of a petrol strike and so had a lot of cancellations last minute from friends who just could not get there/had to save petrol for work as they didn't know when they could fill up again.

Every single one of them sent me a card after to apologise. Things happen (although cancelling last minute on a wedding obviously costs the B&G £££) but in this case it's the way they've handled it that would sting. Not nice people, or at the very least, people with very poor manners.

OP a similar thing happened to me - my best friends at the time came to my wedding but none of them even got me so much as a congratulations card! They were my bridesmaids! All left fairly early in the evening which I sort of understood because of the distance to their homes but I was really sad they hadn't even gone to the effort of writing a 'congrats on your wedding' card. I was devastated as had made such an effort buying their bridesmaids outfits for the day, really thinking about gifts I could get for them they could always keep etc. 2 out of 3 of them I haven't seen since my wedding. The other apologised for not making an effort and we grew close again. I have said here before when someone posted something similar that there is something about a wedding / people being happy / a couple having their special day that really seems to irritate the cr*p out of some people and they find they cannot be happy for you and celebrate. Just bizarre and very hurtful at the time and it did take the shine off the aftermath of my wedding tbh but I always say in this sort of situation, it is better to find out sooner rather than later whether people are worth having around. My husband goes by the view that most friends aren't really your friends and situations like this do prove that sad viewpoint to be true!

The holiday couple did that out of pure spite . The one who didn't pay for their room had no intention of paying . Yes a wedding brings the claws out .

@Newlywedgal People just not turning up or calling off on the day really bugs me. Do these people not realise how much expense has went into paying for their attendance. My dd had 8 not turn up on the day and a few more who cancelled during the week before.

She had had to limit numbers as the venue was smallish. Luckily we managed to upgrade some of those who were originally only evening guests, to take the place of those cancelling prior to the day, but there is nothing you can do when people just don’t turn up!

She found out later, that one couple were abroad on holiday, so were never going to be coming, despite accepting the invite and sending their meal choices! Another couple had also booked a room, which was supposed to be paid beforehand, but asked dd if she could just pay it and they would give her the money on the day. Dd had paid, so she was out of pocket with that as well. She sent them the invoice for the room and has never heard from them since. However with that and the cost for those who didn’t turn up, she ended up paying out over £1k for nothing. People who do this are so ignorant, I’m sure they wouldn’t like to just throw that amount of money away.

I think so too! We got married just over 10 years ago and people just not showing up was unheard of

I have atttended about 20 weddings + and find peoples excuses baffling EG “I willl have a 5 month old I can’t go” when babies are welcome and included on the invite. I went to 6 weddings at various stages of my 3rd babies first 6 months of life (it was exhausting and expensive) but so important to show up for people I care about. The only wedding we missed was when my 8 weeks old was having a lumbar puncture and admitted for 4 days very sick. Aside from that the excuses you were given OP @Newlywedgal were lame and mostly avoidable. I would be really hurt, A at the lack of effort and consideration. 2 B) the friendship equivalent of love bolting and C) the no contact from “friends”

If I were you I would leave the relationship and wait for them to move first. If they don’t you know where are stand

I am sorry this happened and you are hurt. Hope you had a wonderful day and got to enjoy it with the people that did attend.

anyone moaning about the ‘headache’ one has clearly never seen what a bad migraine can do to someone, literally put them out of action for 12-24 hours, crying in pain, not being able to sleep, no amount of pills, prescribed or otherwise offering any release from the pain.

Absolutely let them go. You do not flake on a wedding. If they can't be bothered to turn up to one the biggest days of your life, they're not worth having in your life full stop. We've flown back from a holiday already booked to attend a wedding as husband was part of the bridal party and it was all quite last minute because of Covid, paid through the nose for babysitters when family couldn't look after kids because we didn't want to let friends down, had to swallow the expense of a hotel alone when I suddenly had to attend solo after an awful breakup the day before, gone to several weddings on New Year's Eve so hotels etc were super expensive... and the flip side of this is that friends have shown up for us in return. You don't have to tolerate shit, flaky friends. But don't let it get you down, enjoy newlywed life and focus on all of the wonderful family and friends in your life who did show up and who were there to share your special day with you

That is so rude .

Was it the reception they missed? Or cement and meal? I feel like its not such a big deal if it’s just the reception really.. obviously they should have text you back, and asked how you are and how the day went etc. I wouldn’t necessarily reach out to these people, but I also wouldn’t say I would never speak to them again either

Absolutely bollocks to that.

I may get socially anxious before I turn up but I always turn up and do my very best for my friends.

Stop making every shitty behaviour about adhd. It's not! We aren't a hive mind.

Oh @Sparklybanana - that does sound as if she was battling one or some of the ‘big feelings’ I mentioned above.

The fact that you were her best friend was probably significant. You had a particular, longstanding relationship with her and for whatever reason, she obviously couldn’t bear the impending alteration. It’s such a shame, though.

Weddings are very emotive but try not to lose friends over this if otherwise they're people you want to have in your life. I missed my best friend from school's wedding because of train issues. She was very upset but decided ultimately to get over it because she wanted a relationship with me and I was very grateful.

It might not have happened as much pre social media, but my cousin didn’t turn up twice - once to my db’s wedding and once to mine - same excuse: she’d forgotten she had to work (solicitor, so unlikely as she didn’t do criminal law). Another couple just didn’t arrive, which I wasn’t aware of but our mutual friends were worried that there’d been an accident. Never heard from the friends again and my cousin basically cut her entire extended family after the wedding - haven’t seen her for 25 years now, which is a bit sad.

Blimey. I’d just let it go and see what happens. You never know what’s really going on for people or what they’re going through. Maybe they’re disorganised flakes, maybe they’re dealing with terrible health issues - who knows! If you sent them a lovely note maybe they feel everything’s ok and there’s nothing more to say? Who knows. I wouldn’t cut them off personally because my friends are human and unpredictable and life’s too short. But if you weren’t that keen on them in the first place don’t pursue it. Enjoy your marriage and try not to dwell.

I don't think they were good reasons to cancel (unless the headache is like the ones I can sometimes get where you can barely move, let alone attend a wedding).

I wouldn't write them off just yet though. Your wedding was 'late last year' so that's very recent. Hardly any time at all. There's been Christmas, which is busy for people, new year, just a couple of weeks into the new year - and they may not want to bother you, giving you space as newly weds.

Some people's get really weird when others get married and they may be left on the shelf or they can't find someone to commit to them, both men amd women. There's often an undercurrent of jealousy, that carries if you buy a house before peers or have kids before peers. The begrudging Jealousy just lingers forever it seems, until they do things themselves. It's hard to stomach but they eventually stop when they realise life isn't a contest and how bitter and pathetic they have been..

😂Well done! This made me snigger so much in bed that I woke up DH!

It doesn't sound like you were massively in touch with them before if they didn't know how you met your husband or anything about your plans? Each of them didn't know that others had called off and so they viewed it as a 1 or 2 person cancellation, potentially with legitimate reasons (if no other transport options were available and because of illness) rather than a big issue. I wouldn't have rearranged all the seating at that late stage - you could just leave seats empty or ask the venue to set eg a table of 10 for 8 only and space folk out. No one would judge given it was last minute.

I had quite a few that didn't turn up to mine but I hadn't bothered with a seating plan.

At our sons wedding at the church 4 people were not in attendance.
One of the groomsmen texted to find out where they were.
Reply was they 'forgot'. Stag party was the Saturday before.
2 ladies that we meet in the pub were outside watching the wedding.
Told them to come and have a free meal. They phoned their husbands
who came as well. At least the food didn't go to waste.

The absentees weren't even embarrassed. None of us haven't spoken to
them since.

I would never speak to any of them again, simply because they’ve had the opportunity to keep in touch, but they have not replied to you. You don’t need people like this in your life, they’re not genuine friends, let them go and don’t look back.