Un-invited from birthday party, heartbroken

I am still trying to think of a birthday activity for 5 year olds which would have a hard maximum of 6. People have said escape room… I have never heard of an escape room for 5 year olds! Someone said perhaps it’s an activity in pairs… so invite an 8th child.

OP what is the activity? I am baffled. If it isn’t something that genuinely has a max of 6 then that puts a whole different perspective on her actions.

That's a good idea, it would be interesting to hear what she said too...

I agree with this. I think it shows you are a true friend.

Also, I can see why your son would be the obvious one to pick if he’s one of the few who aren’t his new classmates. Picking a new classmate to uninvite when the rest of the class are going would be really tricky.

Can you both not plan a fantastic outing for the boys to do together next weekend?

I would've rang and explained to the party place and I'm pretty sure nowhere would say "no, we can't cater to one more child". Or I'd change the venue to accommodate the numbers.

What I wouldn't have the heart to do is make the decision to exclude one child whom has already been told about the party then pick up the phone and have that conversation.

Id feel like an absolute piece of shit doing that.

Then don't book a venue where there is no flexibility, this can all be sorted out at the time of booking, and if someone is so stupid they forget to include the birthday child in the booking then words fail me.......

This, please read this OP. Especially after your update I think you are being very unreasonable.

Have you tried to organise a party for a reception aged child where there are strict number limits paired with crazy friendship dynamics and playground politics? What did you want her to do? Call one of the mums she met less than 3 months ago and uninvite the child? She messed up and she doesn't know any of the other mums well enough to admit that. She was clearly wrong in thinking you were her good friend.

To save you some future unnecessary drama you may want to know that very few out of school friends attend the same parties as class friends in my area. I can't remember the last party I attended where there was a friend from a different school there. They usually celebrate separately/individually unless it's a disco where they can have 40+ kids.

I personally think this is her way of distancing herself given that your dc's now attend different nurseries, and it's a poorly thought out excuse for why it's happened. It's very hurtful for you and I feel for you because I have a dc with autism who struggled all the way through primary with no real friends and no party invites, they're doing a bit better at secondary but will probably always struggle socially. Luckily your ds is very young and doesn't need an honest explanation. I'd just tell him the party was cancelled because his friend was poorly, and if you do decide to see your friend again ask there to be no talk of parties from her. Her ds most likely won't mention it because from experience they forget things as soon as they've happened and don't get discussed again. Brace yourself op because this is likely to be the pattern for the upcoming years, too many judgy parents and as the children get older they start to judge as well.

That's tricky as it's such a small group.
The only other solution would be to cancel the whole thing.
But what sort of party only has 5 kids attending? It seems a bit odd that no more can be accommodated.

It's rubbish for you. I'd be wondering if it is genuinely that they can't fit any more.

It’s understandable that she’s now prioritising his classmates, but to lie to you and claim she’d forgotten her own child is just crap. I mean if you’re going t excuse a child at least make up a plausible excuse.

I wouldn’t actively fall out with her I just wouldn’t contact her again.

Stay friendly for the sake of your boys friendship with her son. Arrange another activity and say your boy wants to give her boy his birthday present.

If you did go, chances are your boy would have been left out completely. All other boys are school friends. Your boy would be the odd one out, not because of being ND, but because hes not attending that school. Maybe that's why he was uninvited. I think alternative which is one to one activity is much nicer. I know when my daughter started school, some old friendships fizzled out.

How? If the mum calls the venue and they say "no, we absolutely cannot add a seventh child and your hefty payment is nonrefundable" then what would you tell her to do?

Uninviting a child is absolutely a shite option, but sometimes we find ourselves in spots where the only options available are shite and we just have to figure out the least shite one.

Could you suggest that you turn up to the venue on the same day and time and join in for the play activity and cake cutting? So basically, you pay your own way.

This.

I cannot comprehend how anyone could do that to an adult, let alone a child. And I would tell her that. It’s just a horribly unkind thing to do. I wouldn’t let my dc know how upset I was, though.

Guaranteed they’ll be kids that cancel last minute or don’t turn up on the day.

Depends what she has "gone over". If she's gone over the number included in what she's paid, like it was 10 kids for £100, extras £15 ahead and she accidently ended up with 11 kids and has said your kid can't come because she's doesn't want to pay or can't afford the extra £15, then she is rude and selfish and obviously doesn't value the friendship of you or your kid.

If she's messed up and it's like a party that will provide for 10 kids and she has 11, she has to either cancel the whole thing or exclude one kid, and it makes more sense to exclude yours than one who will be at school with the other who've been. I say this as someone who has lived the last 8 years in trepidation that I would miss-count, miss-communicate or otherwise mess up a party because there's always so much to sort out. That being said, I am surprised she didn't suggest something else with your DC.

You haven't done it though! (What I said in my last post!) And neither have multiple people on this thread!

Have you forgotten your own child in the party numbers and then uninvited one of the other children you already invited?

No. No you haven't. Who the F would do that? It's a nasty thing to do. Proper top tier cunty behaviour!

YANBU. In my opinion you don't invite anyone, child or adult, to something and then uninvite them, whatever the reason. If you stuffed up then you suck it up and make it work.

I suppose it's a bit horses for courses with the choosing to uninvite you because we know you best. It doesn't seem to have made OP feel better.

I’ve done it, as have multiple people in this thread. It doesn’t help that some venues automatically include the birthday child and then talk about the number of guests and others just refer to attendees.

Fortunately the party I did it at was one we could easily add a spot to. This mum was less lucky and I’m not sure what a better solution would have been.

Don't talk wet. 🙄 Of course it's not common to forget your own child in the numbers for a birthday party. (If you're booking it at a party with a certain amount of children allowed.)

EG: Knowing there are only 14 spaces, people invite 14 children and then realise they 'forgot' their own child, and then they say 'whooops LOL ha ha, I better uninvite a child.'

Bullshit. Never known that happen. For some reason the OP's 'friend' has decided against inviting the OP's son. She is a fucking arse. I would bin any 'friend' who did this to my child.

.

So many posters are quoting this as reasonable. I am amazed.

Imagine a scenario - my mate booked a bus for us all to go to an event, but realised she had miscounted and now has asked me to drop out as she doesn't know any of the other people as well as me. I am so disappointed!
I think the response would be YANBU and 'friends like these, who needs enemies?' Instead this is happening to a vulnerable child and many posters think it's ok.🤔

I realise there is an update and a different invitation explained. But this wasn't in the original post and it's a poor consolation.

Is it really unforgivable to ask a kid to a school party where he won't know anyone, fuck the numbers up, be sorry and take a kid one on one instead? He won't know anyone else and hasn't seen the birthday boy regularly either. I bet the kid won't even be bothered as he dosent know them!

She is in a bit of an impossible situation and has been honest about how she's messed up.

You can hardly un invite one out of five other boys that know each other as they'll talk about the party at school. It's easier to do the activity separately with your son as he's from a different circle anyway and if you tell him it's a party for two he won't know any different. She's probably planning to give him a party bag and a cake.

At three if you tell them it's a party and give them any kind of cake then it's a party.

You've added a lot of your worries about other things onto this.

OK, ok I apologise. 😂.