Do DH and I need power of attorney for each other?

DH had cancer, we knew it was terminal from the outset but with surgery and chemo he was doing well so se discussed his wishes for his healthcare when it got to 'that' point but we didn't have discussions with the palliative team or his oncologist because it wasn't needed. He was still working full time, still doing all of his usual activities then, one Saturday evening he had a massive stroke. It robbed him of the use of his body pretty much and left him unable to communicate his wishes. The hospital doctors wanted to send him for a 10 week rehab programme at a unit over an hour away from home (mid lockdown so visiting would've been doubly hard as he wasn't classed as end of life at that stage), the oncologists agreed he had up to a year left but I knew it was against his wishes. I had to fight really, really hard to get heard because we had no POA in place. In the end I won thankfully because within 3 months he was dead. It was a stressful time made worse because there was no POA.

Log ins won't cover a lot of things.

Such as selling a property.

Health wise - who would you rather make a decision about you - DH who knows you well, or me, your social worker who has only just met you... because I do this a lot under best interests for people I don't know!

It’s worth mentioning that just because you have log in details for someone’s online banking that doesn’t give you a legal right to use their money. Only a power of attorney does that and even then you still have to use it for their benefit and in their best interests. Worth bearing in mind if you are just relying on being able to log on to your DH’s account

If you need to concentrate your mind as to why you need one, have a look at the alternative if you don't sort it out. Very costly and requires court.

We have them for parents and they are now needed, as my MiL has lost capacity but thinks she's fine. Social workers and mental health people are involved and they will take our wishes into account as DH has LPA.

We need to do them for each other.

If a financial institution knows you're accessing your DH's account, they will freeze it.

We have it. Forms were easy to do online without a solicitor. You can also appoint more than one and a replacement one in case DH was not in a state to take responsibility eg both in a car accident

https://www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney

gives a basic guide as to what’s involved.

There is a place for instructions and for wishes in the POA. The instructions must be followed and the wishes are just an indication. It is more sensible to have wishes as it doesn’t tie the hands of the attorneys.

the government website gives examples of both instructions and wishes. For example, DH and I have both put in wishes that if our death is imminent and inevitable in the opinion of doctors that we do not want treatment unless it is to reduce suffering.

Again you can choose whether your attorney has the right to refuse or consent to life saving treatment. We have selected yes to this.

DH and I are each others attorneys with replacement attorneys being our DC if either of us cannot act.

My mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s at 57, fortunately POA was in place.

@Midlifecareerchange it's not legal to access someone else's account (unless it's joint) even with their permission so the bank or other institutions could and would stop you if they knew.
With an LPA, it would all be legal and permitted. So I have permitted access to my mums bank account, investments, utilities, etc. I have had logins for ages, but we decided to make it all legit recently.

Having your DH’s logins is not legal access to his finances. I know people do it but that doesn’t mean it’s legal, you could get into trouble for fraudulently using his card even with his consent.

I am POA for both my parents - it was made very clear to me that I can't make decisions or override theirs unless they have been assessed as lacking capacity, even if I disagree with their decision. So your DH couldn't go against any decisions you made about your health or finances while you are capable.

And presumably you trust him to make good decisions in your best interest if you weren't mentally capable - otherwise don't choose him to be POA. As other PPs have said it does take a while to be processed so really there's no reason not to get the paperwork in place now - and hopefully you won't need it for a long while to come.

My parents each have them, with the opposite spouse and both me and me brother named. We can act together or individually.

As everyone else has said if you wait until you've lost your marbles then it's too late. Its like only buying a burglar alarm after you've been burgled. Too late.

DH and I set up LPA last year.We are both in our 60s.It was something we'd talked about getting it and were spurred on to do it after one of our friends died suddenly.Our DCs are named on it too,so ,heaven forbid if both DH and I become incapacitated,they can access our finances.

It’s a very good idea to do it at your age before you lose capacity. Save yourself some money and do it yourself online.

The finance one can be set up to be used before capacity is lost. I'm doing this for my dad just now as he is finding using the online banking stressful so I'm taking over. My husband does it for his dad as he is partially sighted and kept locking himself out.

God yes. I remember Kate garraway writing about this when her husband first got ill. She’d assumed that because they were married she could do things on his behalf but she couldn’t. It really scared me as theres a big age gap between me and DH so I got them done straightaway as well as wills.

We will be setting them up naming each other plus one daughter each (my dd and my dsd), we have asked the dc and dsd wanted my dd to be named on my dh's in case she can't cope and my dd suggested to reciprocate, we know who would be the one taking charge.

Yes. DH was 56 when he had a major stroke which left him with a neuro-disability, we didn't have POA in place and I wish we had.

I’d get them done. DH and I need to do ours, we’ve got them for our parents but haven’t got around to ours yet.

You can have more than one attorney so if you’ve got an adult child/sibling/close friend whom you trust, they can be a joint attorney.

We have them. It’s a very good idea. I read an article which talked about a woman who couldn’t access things like bank accounts and utilities when her husband was seriously ill if they were in her husbands name. Promoted us to take action!

We have them, I think they are lodged with our solicitor so we would have to justify using them.

I would. Need to sort this out for me and dh.
Did it for Mum. She now has dementia and it means that I can advocate properly for her. Before the dementia she told me that she doesn't was illnesses treated once she has dementia, so if she gets cancer she only wants pain relief etc. Much easier to do with the POA