Do DH and I need power of attorney for each other?

Things like if someone needs care (and no capacity to make their own decisions), what sort of care are they going to have and how is it going to be paid for? Residential care, or in their home? If it's a home, which one? Suppose the person has dementia and money in the bank which could be used for care but no capacity to handle their own finances. The spouse, with POA, can access the money and arrange the care. If a house was jointly owned, the spouse could make the decision to downsize and free up some money for care, and the same sort of thing with any other joint assets.

Yes, you need them (both kinds - there's one for legal / financial affairs and one for health). They have to be signed while you have full capacity - no getting it after someone has started to develop dementia or similar. Also bear in mind that there are lots of other ways for a person to lose physical / mental capacity, sometimes suddenly. You nominate three people, so spouse first and then the other two. I know someone who's been incapacitated by a stroke (very sudden, he was very fit) and his wife just can't get anything sorted out. Do it ASAP.

Also, 'Next of Kin' - so often mentioned on Mumsnet - has no legal meaning at all. It's Power of Attorney (registered) or (legally-speaking) nothing.

https://www.howellslegal.co.uk/news/next-of-kin-what-are-my-rights/

https://www.thegazette.co.uk/all-notices/content/104016

Yes. If one of you is hospitalised and unconscious etc you will need it to deal with finances.

Well, you could look at the medical histories of your parents, grandparents etc to see if there are any conditions that tend to run in the family to give you an idea for specifics, but commonly it’s things like:

If incapacitated, do you want every effort to be made for you to live at home with external support, or would you want to move to specialist facilities? I know someone with Parkinson’s who was very physically incapacitated towards the end of their life, but absolutely clear that he wanted to be at home and he had carers coming in to look after him. However it was very hard on the family because his hospital bed took over the lounge and the whole house and their lives were arranged around him and his illness with no escape or break for them.

if you get some form of dementia, do you want every effort to be made medically right until the end? Or would you want the decision to be made on a case by case basis, depending on whether the likely outcome would restore you to the best that you could be or not. Eg, if you got diagnosed with cancer, would you want palliative care (ie medication for comfort and pain only) if you had already lost capacity, or would you want surgery/chemo? My mums GP gave the hypothetical example of her falling and breaking her hip - while medically she might survive the operation, she would not remember and/or understand why she was in pain, be able to cooperate with her physio exercises, the anaesthetic may cause delirium or a worsening of the dementia etc and so she would in all probability remain bed bound anyway, which would be the same outcome as not operating.

I know of a situation where someone was unexpectedly incapacitated in their forties leaving them unable to communicate. It has been a nightmare for their spouse for any situation where the call centre wants to speak to the account holder and they often get stuck in a “computer says no” situation because the alternatives of communicating by email or letter just don’t get answered like a phone call.

I’ve activated PoAs for my mum - I did the finance one with her bank while she was compos mentis as she was losing her sight and wanted me to deal with her paperwork, and this was allowed because of the box ticked on the LPoA form. But I only did exactly what she asked and only took over making decisions relatively recently when it became clear her capacity had gone.

you can leave explicit instructions in both forms, but you do have to trust your attorney(s) to follow your wishes and act in your best interests. I think it also helps to make sure you have communicated those wishes to other loved ones so that everyone is clear, especially if they relate to your wishes on healthcare in the event you are incapacitated. The last thing your Attorney(s) need is arguing with other people who disagree with your wishes. I’m lucky in that my DB is also next-of-kin and we agree as mum didn’t leave any explicit instructions, trusting me to do what’s best.

We did our during the boredom of Covid. Early fifties.

DH and I have them for each other, we are both 50. We have had them at least 5 years as it was sorted out pre-Covid.

We decided to do it after one of DH's colleagues had a cycling accident overseas, suffered a catastrophic brain injury and now needs round the clock nursing care in a home. He has a child who was about 3 or 4 when it happened. His wife couldn't access his money. Nobody at work was - legally - allowed to discuss her husband's pension or salary, which had been paid into an account in his sole name and the he'd transfer some into a joint account. She couldn't even cancel the Sky TV as it was in his name. Yes it got sorted eventually as it all went through the courts and it because obvious that the guy had lost capacity and wasn't going to regain it, but it took at least 6 months to sort it all out - at a time where his wife was going through the worst time ever.

It's most definitely NOT only for people who are old and ill.

Dh and I did ours some years ago, but admittedly we were both getting on a bit by then.
Having said that, although it’s unlikely, anyone could suffer e.g. a severe stroke or a bad accident, or other condition where you were unable to make your wishes known.
So - as long as you trust your dh - TBH I can’t seen any downside.

We’ve added paragraphs to ours, to state in what cases (e.g. being unable both to care for ourselves and speak with full mental capacity for ourselves) we want no ‘striving to keep alive’.

^
and a fraction of the price

Yes I did it online then you print the forms and get people to sign which is a bit of a faff as has to be in a specific order but not hard to do

I know it’s a grim subject, but I’ve talked to my DH about the level of medical treatment I want if I’m unable to make decisions. I should also put it in writing so there’s no doubt.

If I had dementia and then developed cancer, for example, I would only want to be kept comfortable rather than treated as I already wouldn't be “me” iyswim.

when DH was very ill at one point I did have access to his finances as I had his phone and his logins. So specific examples that having logins wouldn't cover would be helpful

if you had to contact customer services at his bank /online banking query / Electricity Gas company, they will only speak with the account holder or PoA if you have registered PoA document with them.

Those who have a POA in place, have you used the online government one, rather than doing it via a solicitor?

My mum got this set up when she was in her 60s, with her husband and me as an attorney - joint and severally. Her husband also has one with mum and his DC as an attorney.

This makes sense as if her husband dies before her, the LPA still stands as I'm an attorney.

If you are unconscious you can’t make health decisions on a case by case basis. Would you rather the doctors decide without input from DH or would you rather talk about things in general with DH now so he can represent your wishes?

For eg my parents are both religious and that affects the decisions they would make whereas I am atheist. if I were to undertake poa for my parents I would need a conversion with them first about their boundaries around sanctity of life etc.

my DH and I are closer in beliefs and what we’d want.

My son and DIL have POA for both of us. It seems far more sensible.

Would strongly recommend PoAs for everyone, and crucially you need to get them registered with the Office of the Public Guardian.

Definitely! If your husband becomes incapacitated, you cannot sell the house and downsize without his permission. When dad was in a care home, there was a couple in the same predicament. Married for years but the wife couldn't authorize the sale and she was completely stuck until her husband died.

Dementia, stroke, anything where you've lost capacity...

My in-laws planned for everything except mil thinking she's perfectly fine and totally helpless.

If you are worried about your wishes, do a detailed advanced directive too.

The bar for capacity is really low, so you have to be in a pretty bad way for it to be used. However, as in our case, the bad way has been going on for a few years now...