My stepdaughter is happy about my pregnancy and it’s causing friction in my relationship

Well it's a dick thing to say, whether you'd like it or not.

And everyones not happy, so maybe stop patting yourself on the back so much?

She will be thinking to herself "he couldn't be arsed to be a dad to me, but he can for this baby. What's wrong with me?". Same for her other relatives who aren't interested in her but are in her cousins and this new baby "what's wrong with me that no one wants me?", it sounds dramatic but that's what she'll be thinking.

Children don't see their parents splitting as their parents leaving each other, they see it as their parents left them.

She will be lashing out because she's so hurt and it's easier to turn that into anger, and also because she feels like she will be rejected by her dad soon, so she's pushing you all away now to protect herself. If he doesn't engage with her and say "why are you doing this? I love you and that will never change" she will push him away before he can do it to her.

Many (I'd say the majority) stepmothers are great with stepchildren, really involved, say they're like her own, UNTIL she has more children with their dad. I've seen it so many times, she resents the stepchildren for ruining her family of 3, taking away the man's time and resources, she wants holidays "just us", "why don't we see the stepchildren after boxing day? Have a little family Christmas?" Etc etc... most of the time stepmothers are successful at pushing the first children out. She's worried for good reason.

This poster is sick in the head

I've only read your posts, OP, and it seems you've taken some of the advice on board, which is great. To me, the examples you've provided don't show a really badly behaved child. They show a young teen who is desperately afraid that everyone around her is going to love the new baby more than her, and she'll get pushed out of the family. Talking over people is her way of expressing that fear and trying to prove to people, 'look at me, I'm still here, I'm just as interesting as a baby!' Some things, like not liking new plates, may just be typical young teen behaviour - they're unhappy, their hormones are all over the place, school is probably less than perfect and sometimes they just say mean things.

That being said, it's not appropriate for her to be giving you filthy looks, ignoring you or being rude to you. I think I'd just be direct rather than ignoring it and hoping it will go away. Ask why she's giving you dirty looks. Say when she's been rude and teach her how to say things in a better way. Let her know that you wonder if she's doing some things because she's worried about the new baby and doesn't feel she can say so, because she wants to support her dad. Tell her she can talk about that to you or her dad at any time. Let her know in advance that the baby will get lots of attention, because babies can't do anything for themselves. It doesn't mean you or her dad love her less, and ask what you can all do to make sure she feels that, whether that's one day per (her dad's) weekend that she spends doing something special with her dad, or something else that she'd really value.

This comment is horrendous, I’m shocked by it.

“At 13 she knows EXACTLY what she is doing. She is probably capable of having a child herself.”

Vile.

My dad and stepmum had my brother when I was 13 and initially I was so worried about how this would affect my relationship with my dad, would I be forgotten, was he having a new baby to replace me? All very standard 13 year old thoughts! Similarly to your stepdaughter, I lived a few hours away from my dad at the time and I only saw him EOW. However, my brother came along and I love him more than anything in this world. We have a wonderful relationship and he is incredibly special to me.

Of course, it doesn’t all change overnight and it’s a really hard thing to navigate. The best advice I can give you is to encourage your partner to have 1-1 time with his daughter, especially after the baby is born. Try and involve her as much as she’d like to be involved. Perhaps a new upgrade on her bedroom as a special treat would go a long way? Although it may seem tricky now, I am sure with a lot of love and patience you will make this work. Blended families are not easy, but at almost 30 years old I can tell you not one of my fears about having a new sibling have ever come true. You sound like you want the best for all involved so I am sure you’ll get there. Best of luck!

If your husband left you and married someone else, I think you'd care if that woman referred to you as your child's 'biological mother' instead of their mother!

Well clearly not

You are so right. Stepmothers post on here are truly wicked. I still remember a post from 2 years ago, when a stepmother was begrudging a sd a punnet of raspberries when sd was staying during the week-end with her dd and sm, under the guise of 'being worried about her earing patterns'. What was even more horrible, other women posted advice on how to replace expensive raspberries with cheaper options - like an apple. It was a horror to read. And I suppose your previous post was deleted because people do not like the truth.

I think this is absolutely appalling, to refer to someone's 13 year old child as "a close relative coming into your home" and that if they aren't always on perfect behaviour, they can't see their father anymore.

If OP's boyfriend allows her to stop him seeing his daughter because she's been upset by a massive change to her life, he's a weak pathetic excuse for a father.

I was 10 and my DSis 12 when we were told our step mum was expecting a baby with our dad. There was no pussy footing around. I was 11 when my brother was born. I was sad as my place as the youngest had been taken. If dsis and I had acted up we’d have been ignored.

Your step daughter needs to grow up and realise it’s not all about her. Yes she’s a child but there’s no need for her to act like a 5 year old child!

All these ‘blended’ families… drives me mad hearing people run straight into them then complaining about what are going to be obvious problems. She barely sees her dad and is cold-shouldered by her parental family. Keep things very calm and neutral with her and try as much as you can to involve her in shopping for the baby etc. as far as she is concerned someone you all don’t even know yet is going to be living with her dad 14 days out of 14, of course she’s going to be jealous right now.

Would you like to be referred to as your child's "biological mother"? She's just the mother, that status is not impacted by a step mother appearing

Why does it have to be additional weekends? The mum does the hard work during the week and has to give up half of her ‘downtime’ with her child with half weekends and half holidays gone. Why would you ask for more weekends to take from her instead of asking for weekdays? Oh, so she can continue to do the hard work and dad continues to be the Disney parent

My sister was in a similar situation. Expecting a baby and teen SD (18) absolutely furious and happy to show it. There were many many moments of upset, rage etc from her and nothing seemed to help.
When the baby was born she absolutely loved her and stepped into proud big sister mode almost overnight. It seemed so strange at the time and still does but all is well (they are a few years older now and very close). What I'm saying is as much as this is awful and hard to cope with there is every chance it will blow over. Take care.

@Newmum0207 you've had an awful time on here. I had to post to give you some support. I can’t believe the amount of bonkers replies. Every age is a ‘hard age’ on MN 😂

I think you’ve taken a really considerate approach. You’ve considered her feelings, you acknowledge her feelings but you also acknowledge that the behaviour is NOT acceptable. You’ve been extremely understanding and not impatient at all.

At 13 she knows EXACTLY what she is doing. She is probably capable of having a child herself. This is no confused five year old who’s gone through rapid changes in a year. My mom had a baby when I was 12/13 and I was a brat and used it as an excuse to misbehave. I knew exactly what I was doing at the time too!

If your SD responded with this behaviour at school because she didn’t like something that was happening, every poster would be saying the child needs parenting and should know better at 13. Apparently it’s not okay to display bad behaviour towards anybody other than a step parent 🙈

Sending lots of love OP. Stay firm and protect you and baby xx

Don't say "biological mother" OP. It's dickish. She's only got one mother, no need for the qualifier. You're not her mother.

As for the other thing ...she sees her dad once a fortnight. Her new half sibling will live with that dad full time. On what planet would she not be jealous and upset and feel replaced and pushed out?

she sees her dad only every other weekend (which I think is awfully little - is there a reason he doesn't have more involvement) and now a new baby is entering the scene. she probably worries that her time with the dad will be reduced further. she already doesn't seem to be a priority to him. The new sibling will be living with the dad full time whilst she only sees him fortnightly. Just show some understanding and cut her some slack

OP, I think you've been pretty good at recognising that it's not all about your own feelings and I am sorry you've been getting a hard time.

I think that it's pretty natural for your SD to feel pretty miffed. She's not really got a template for what this all looks like for her. Frankly, she's not wrong that things might change for the worse for her - less focused attention from her dad and other family, less time dedicated to her stuff etc. there won't be a lot of overlap between the things your kids like to do when older and she probably will be expected to suck that up for family time to a degree, won't she? All siblings end up doing or not doing some things because of the other one(s). She's not stupid.

It's now on your partner to show her that there are advantages to being an older child. Can he take some leave before baby arrives for a trip together? Could just be a few days. Something that is not baby suitable or centric that she would like to do - ask her input.

Give her a grown up room, ask if she wants any involvement in baby stuff at the moment (would she like to choose an outfit for baby, or something for baby's space?) and respect that level of involvement. Make clear that her feelings matter, even if you think she needs more help and guidance in how she expresses them.