Has anyone quit the rat race?

It sounds like you need to think a bit more practically and a bit more long-term.

While rushing around to clubs etc. is tiring, it's just as hard (if not harder) to be budgeting constantly and worrying about finances.

Obviously there's probably a balance to be had between the two extremes but it's worth thinking about how you see your fifties and sixties in terms of income and work/life balance.

I know a few people who kind of "opted out" and are now having to work silly hours and shifts in their fifties in order to fund their retirements.

Could you put a long term plan together? You might have to be in the child rearing trenches for a little while longer but in, say, 5 years what would you like to be happening?

My DC are in their teens now and I still haven't escaped! I think about it all the time though.. the plan is to pay off the mortgage in 2 years time, I'm going to take some vocational training courses during these years that might lead to a part time job that will cover bills etc.. you have to be much more creative without money too - but it's going to be part of the fun.

I actually think primary school is really hard for keeping up with the Joneses - the chatting at the school gate tends to be about holidays/stuff/kids activities/house renovations etc (as well as seeing what everyone else is wearing!) and you are constantly reminded of what others have AND you don't want to go too far outside the mainstream incase your DC suffer - secondary is so much easier in this respect

For resources on some of this stuff Mr Money Mustache blog or a book called Your Money or Your Life are a good place to start.

They are imperfect but good steer in right direction.

I get exactly what you mean! As I said, the time when kids were small was horrible for me. (it included moving from London to a smaller city "to have a better quality of life" which was even more miserable!). But then I had a terrible marriage as well. Now I'm divorced, working in interesting things (haven't reached the financial security part yet), meeting loads of interesting people and trying new things.

If you have a good relationship with your partner, there are lots of things you can do to make life better that don't cost that much (that's usually when people start discussing open relationships, but there are other options too!). If you need excitement and travel, I guess living off grid watching the grass grow won't make you happy.

Yup, chucked in my well paid job, sold everything that had a value and pitched up in central Portugal with my dog, a few bits of furniture and no clue what to do next.

My daughter has just resigned from her high pressure job to concentrate on her two little boys. Her husband has a decent salary but his job isn't high pressure and he can wfh with only going into the office once a week and does the morning school run.

We've given them another lump sum (first one was for house deposit) so they have a 'float' to minimise financial stress. This is the surplus equity from our downshifting house move about five years ago. Our house is in a much cheaper area with much less land so it works for us. And crucially only twenty minutes from them. They have a small modern semi which is well insulated. Life is short, the children are little for such a short time - we wholeheartedly support them. She's started a little side business which seems to be growing slowly, which will give her an outside interest but isn't stressful and she can control how and when she works on it. I look after the baby for her when she needs to see a client.

Yep, I love the city life and the rat race. I' keep trying not to – because it seems it's not the done thing – but I do 😬

I think first change your mind set about how you live now. My living room has 2 battered sofas, i cover them up but would rather have a holiday than replace them. I buy from vinted now. I have wealthy friends but have no need to compete or compare. They do not judge either. You can live more simply by just not feeling the need for stuff. I would say sometimes i do find this hard!!!

I think there is a halfway house between opting out and running yourself into the ground. I'm still upset about a house I didn't offer on last year as realised had bought into the ridiculous need to have an appropriately 'nice' middle class Victorian house as opposed to the serviceable sixties one I saw. Have realised the sixties house would actually have been great for us, we could always move on if we wanted to later but it also would give the option of easy repayments, pay off early and therefore either more fun stuff like holidays or even retiring before 68.

It's been a wake up call for me not to get caught up in what we are 'supposed' to have as opposed to what would be good for us and give more options. Maybe you could reframe it like that - as the idyllic village life doesn't sound very based in reality, more a desire to run away.

I think I have does this a bit in that I haven’t gone for a big house/car. I have purposely chosen to have a tiny but perfectly adequate home in order to pay off my mortgage at 39. Which then has meant I can work part time as I only have my bills to pay (which I also keep very small). I buy everything off Vinted but the one thing I always buy good of is food, I’m not frugal with this.

We have an abroad holiday every few year not every year (but still do multiple camping hols on the other years with big group of friends).

My DD will say such-a-body has a big house and big car, & latest phone, why don’t we have this? and I just say “we can have that but mummy will have to work until 9pm every night like such-a-bodies mum & she soon changes her mind!

It doesn't suit everyone. I feel bored to tears just thinking of a simple life. I need excitement, new things, new experiences.

It doesn't mean I need a lot of money, but living off grid in nature is hell for me. I hated caring for small kids, but love living with teenagers now.

We have to figure out what brings us joy specifically.

My brother and SIL. The difference is they decided not to be bothered about the nice clothes, holidays, furniture etc

never seen either of them in anything other than jeans and a sweater. They stayed in a small terrace house, they don’t buy stuff, their sofa is over 20 years old and is my mums old sofa.

they both walked away from well paid jobs to pretty much min wage jobs and seem very happy. They have enough money for bills, food, etc.

It sounds like you could make big changes without being too drastic. You need to prioritise what's important. Are nice clothes and furniture really important to you or are you just keeping up with everyone else around you? Do your kids really need to run around doing all sorts of clubs or would you actually enjoy doing family activities at the weekend. If you stop spending on the unimportant things you may be able to afford to outsource more housework and spend more on family holidays. If you quit everything I'm afraid the washing and cleaning will still need to be done.

Not very helpful I know, but we never opted in in the first place.

We work and have a house, but I'm self employed so can take time out as and when I want. We made sure our house was affordable on a single average salary. We didn't have kids...

Oh and to add, you also need to think long term - pensions and how you'll support yourself in your later years when you may not be physically able to work full-time anymore.

Opting out when you're young sounds great in theory but it can have pretty major long term consequences.

@ssd can you share the tv programmes?