Has anyone quit the rat race?

@Ilovemyshed

The problem with opting out too early is that you are then another burden, rather than a contributor, if tou are using any public services.

That's a bit harsh isn't it. Who said she isn't going to be contributing?

I am working towards only working 4 days a week..

@Superwomann

I do! I only remember the good things, I glorify life there. My friends who still live there keep telling me it’s not like what it used to be like and they would stay away.
We always have a good time when we go home but then we are on holiday and don’t have any stress.

Totally get you, I'm the same. I love England when the sun is out and I'm not working but happy not to be there come January!

I think I've got a romanticised view in my head of what life would be if I moved back, but it would probably be the same as where I am now, just colder 😂

Could you reduce your hours? Would that help?

I have done exactly the same!

Its a nice idea but looking back through the telescope of being older and towards the end of my career, I am glad to have a mortgage free home and a decent pension pot which will give me options.

I have worked and paid alot of tax and will feel comfortable drawing on public services as I feel I have paid into the system.

The problem with opting out too early is that you are then another burden, rather than a contributor, if tou are using any public services.

I think people who change their lives in this way need to ensure that they aren't limiting their children's options too drastically for education and work opportunities.

I haven't quit the rat race per se, but I did go part time (4 days pw) before I had children so I could do some of my own things, went 3 days pw with child, and now have my own business so the only person I sweat blood and tears for is me. Engaging with the rat race on your terms carries with it a whole new set of motivations. Suddenly I find the type of work I do, and the high price tag that goes with it, very worthwhile. I estimate I work 70% less and earn 3x more

Your kids are really small – the stress isn't this high longterm. It's not best to make such drastic changes during this period of time.

Sort of. DH and I moved to France in 2018. I freelance a few days a week (and earn more than I would do if I was working full time in the UK) so not completely out of the work rat race but I'm not a slave to the 8-late, Mon-Fri any more (and I get paid for every minute I work).

There is a massive difference between living in an affluent area and trying to keep up with neighbours etc and properly opting out.

E.g we absolutely do not have a brand new car, we don’t do big house renovations, we go on holiday mostly in the UK, we don’t eat out and get takeaways much. Our house is a bit on the shabby side with a kitchen updated last in the 90s which I had painted. But because of this my partner is semi-retired and I work very flexibly and I am able to take the kids to school every day, go to assemblies, go for a walk at lunchtime if I want to etc.

I wouldn’t say I’ve opted out though, just chosen not to maximise my earning potential over family life.

For me opting out any more would not work, I want my kids to attend lots of activities which costs money. I also want to know that if I do need a new car, the boiler breaks, I need to pay for medical treatment etc I can afford to get it sorted out. Not being financially stable can be as stressful as doing too much in some circumstances.

I’d suggest doing a really honest family budget and taking it from there. Definitely also think about relocating if that would make things easier. But don’t forget about retirement and how you’d intend to fund that too.

The key thing for me was working out what I was comparing with who. Most people don't have the holidays and the house and the cars and the fulfilling job and the good relationships with families and friends and the nice clothes and the free time. You have to pick what matters to you and make those happen instead of aspiring to someone's life in some bits, someone else's elsewhere, and a third person's for the bits the others haven't cracked.

I still dream of chucking it in and moving somewhere warm though!

Saying that, Ben fogle has a great programme called 'lives in the wild' which may interest you.

Do you have an idealised view of your home country? I only say that as I'm not currently living in my home country and when I think about going back, I remember all the reasons I wanted to leave. Nowhere is perfect.

Definitely try and change your mindset not to be swept up into 'keeping up with the jones's' and see if you can adapt your lifestyle.

I am systematically working to make this happen. Getting ready to “retire” in 18 months at the age of 51. Husband is 14 years older and already retired; I have been, and am, the main earner.

Main focus is housing security, so prioritizing paying off mortgage. We are very fortunate to earn well, but live well below our means month to month. All bonuses and extra goes either to mortgage or pension savings.

I notice we travel less than peers and I spend less on clothes than I used to. We have a nice flat, but vacation property or upgrading house is a no. I want to prioritize “buying my time”.

Retiring will not be stopping everything, but I want to have the ability to do freelance or part time, as well as volunteer. Maybe study part time (Open University) without the pressure of having to convert to career on a schedule.

I have not quite gone to the lengths that you talk about but I have been working part time for the large majority of my working life and I am content with what I have. The free time that allows me to pursue my own interests is worth so much more to me than the money I would get by working full time.

A lot of it comes down to changing expectations and stopping worrying about keeping up with the Jones.

I grew up in a big house in a nice area with regular holidays abroad and I imagined that I would have the same but I now live in a flat in a town that is not on anyone's most desirable list and go abroad about once every three years. But I am so much happier than I was when I was striving for the picture perfect life.
I have stopped caring about showing my success through material possessions and have friends who like me for who I am and not what I have. I don't think my son ever had the feeling of going without, he had holidays and nice toys for his birthday just maybe not to the extent that his friends did but he gained a lot by having a mother who was very present in his life and who wasn't dealing with the stress of trying to cram all the housework and admin around full time job.

We did it in a very small way in that we moved out of London to a much cheaper city up north which freed up money and time hugely. We're certainly not 'off grid' or anything like that but the balance is much healthier I'd say. We didn't have kids when we lived in London and even so we were both always rushing around for one reason or another. We still technically live in a city now but we can walk to everything we need and there's much more of a community spirit. Plus we have lots of family close by for babysitting/general help and support. DH and I both work part time and DD will be starting nursery soon. We don't have lots of cash floating around and we have a very average income but is certainly enough to live a comfortable enough lifestyle.

We love camping and I think we could definitely be happy with less “ nice things and less foreign holidays”.

i split when I was 3 months pg with 2nd dc I already had an older dc with same father

i had challenges financially but I was determined to always go on holiday

we had 3 /4 weeks in France Spain camping every year, it’s cheap as chips and fun

It's very hard where you are right now. I hear you. I too miss my selfish life pre-kids where I'd travel at the drop of a hat. But I had to make my peace with it sone years ago.

I decided that to have any kind of life I needed to be part-time (I work 3 days). Today is one day off & I've just been for an hour's walk in nature (I'm urban so make this priority to do on days off) and have a list if things to do: some adnin/ batch cooking/ planning some refurbs/ sorting the laundry/ clean bathrooms before I need to head back to collect youngest from school. I really, really don't think our lives would be manageable without my days off.

Life changed massively with DS3 who is ND & has epilepsy. Time with him is hard going & stressful, so I need time to de-compress. DP also reduced hours so he has a half day on a Friday. I still run around like mad on work days (I teacb), but the days off make up for it. He's almost a teenager now, but still needs huge amounts of time & care. DS1 & DS2 are at uni, but still need my time.

We have had to accept that we can't and won't go abroad holidays. It killed me for years, but I've had an acceptance now as I realise for the holidays I want (even solo wIth friends) I couldn't afford the 5 star experience or afford the time for the long haul I'd love. We have UK breaks & have a little camper van too, which keeps very outdoorsy DP & the older boys very happy. The older two are now adventuring abroad, of course, & it's amazing to see.

We have a lovely house (good investment) & I need a reliable, new car, so pay for that as it's priority (lots of miles to specialist school), but apart from that don't spend huge amounts on loads. We've had to cut our cloth, but still make sure pensions are sorted etc.

I'd seriously have burned out if something didn't give. Think about that.

Edited to say, our DC have always had what they need/ money for activities/ trips/ outings/ clothes/ do what their friends do. And we've saved for them since they were born (DDebit every month so was part of the bills). They were & are always priority over expensive holidays/ Flash things (FB marketplace has amazing things- I've had beautiful furniture on many occasions).

I agree. Friends of mine opted out in their 30s, moved to a lovely semi-rural lower cost area and took on self-employed lifestyle jobs. They then downsized in their early 50s to be mortgage free. However, they are still working (quite unhappily) in their 60s because of their lack of adequate pensions, one of them has some serious health problems and they are looking at equity release.

I think their dc found it quite difficult as teenagers because there was no money for the kind of things their school friends had, and now they see their parents struggle financially.

For my friends what seemed like dream jobs when they were able to make a choice are tarnished now that they are a necessity. In their 50s after 20 years out of their previous professions there was no option to return to higher paid careers, and during Covid they both had to take on whatever minimum wage jobs they could get.

Meanwhile those who felt a bit envious of their previous lifestyle, are mainly enjoying happy retirements with sufficient money to make it possible.

It's a fantasy. I had a very good friend who tried it with thee kids and all she did was exchange one stressful situation with another. And I lost count of the number of times she asked if she could borrow money, none of which I ever saw again.

Eventually they had to start all over again and she went back to working bank shifts on the NHS while her husband stacked shelves at Sainsburys.

I guess it's possible if you're young and fit with no kids, maybe.

I took redundancy from a rat race job in 2013, and started my own dog boarding business. I do day care and holiday boarding in my home. I have no overheads, no commuting obvs. I make a very decent salary from it. You do need a licence from your local council, and sometimes they won't give you one with kids under 5. Best job ever, and no one to answer to.