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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be absolutely gutted about this

35 replies

Rhian90 · 14/01/2025 09:05

I decided to end my 20 year relationship a few months ago as he was just lazy and uninterested in family life. We have 2 children age 4 and 7. 3 weeks after the split I found out he was taking the children out with another woman and her child (she is a single mum) he only has them one night per week and although I admit I am a bit bitter, shouldn’t they be spending quality time with him instead?

OP posts:
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TizerorFizz · 14/01/2025 16:37

Not entirely sure it’s the role of young DC to help mum. They won’t be happy either!

As they aren’t married I’m assuming OP cannot expect much from ex.

Original poster
Rhian90 · 14/01/2025 13:11

Jk987 · 14/01/2025 10:23

@Rhian90, yes you will get over it by reminding yourself why you broke up with him in the first place. You'll have a better relationship with the kids than him and they'll help you through.

Thanks

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Original poster
Rhian90 · 14/01/2025 12:25

TizerorFizz · 14/01/2025 11:59

Are you married? What will child arrangements look like post divorce if you are married? What about money arrangements?

Some men don’t see women as life long partners. They look for greener grass elsewhere. He probably knew this women and has swapped you for her somewhat readily. Totally sucks of course. As he wasn’t engaging in family life with you before you split, he’s not likely to step up now after you ended the relationship. Lots of men don’t do more when single if they didn’t do much when in a relationship. He’s just found another comfort blanket.

I did it put it to him and he said ‘we are spending loads of quality time thanks’

OP posts:
TizerorFizz · 14/01/2025 11:59

Are you married? What will child arrangements look like post divorce if you are married? What about money arrangements?

Some men don’t see women as life long partners. They look for greener grass elsewhere. He probably knew this women and has swapped you for her somewhat readily. Totally sucks of course. As he wasn’t engaging in family life with you before you split, he’s not likely to step up now after you ended the relationship. Lots of men don’t do more when single if they didn’t do much when in a relationship. He’s just found another comfort blanket.

W0tnow · 14/01/2025 11:49

Everything is still raw. Do you have close friends/family to vent to?

Original poster
Rhian90 · 14/01/2025 10:55

Jk987 · 14/01/2025 10:23

@Rhian90, yes you will get over it by reminding yourself why you broke up with him in the first place. You'll have a better relationship with the kids than him and they'll help you through.

It’s just so bizarre how a person can change so much

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Jk987 · 14/01/2025 10:23

@Rhian90, yes you will get over it by reminding yourself why you broke up with him in the first place. You'll have a better relationship with the kids than him and they'll help you through.

TetHouse · 14/01/2025 10:04

SoapySponge · 14/01/2025 10:02

Where does it say she's a "new partner"?

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The kids say she’s sleeping over.

SoapySponge · 14/01/2025 10:02

BlondeMamaToBe · 14/01/2025 09:10

Anyone involving new partners with their kids after only three weeks needs shot with shit.

Where does it say she's a "new partner"?

Original poster
Rhian90 · 14/01/2025 10:01

Jk987 · 14/01/2025 10:00

Oh, just read she's sleeping at his. Ouch, that would hurt and it's totally unfair on the kids.

He can't be arsed to care for his children on his own for one measly night a week.

I will get over this won’t I?

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Jk987 · 14/01/2025 10:00

Oh, just read she's sleeping at his. Ouch, that would hurt and it's totally unfair on the kids.

He can't be arsed to care for his children on his own for one measly night a week.

Jk987 · 14/01/2025 09:58

He needs to be honest about whether this is a new relationship or just a friendship. He shouldn't be introducing his young kids to a new girlfriend so soon.

iwillfollowyou · 14/01/2025 09:56

He's lazy so he's finding another woman to look after his kids. Why is that surprising?

Twaddlepip · 14/01/2025 09:56

Rhian90 · 14/01/2025 09:31

The kids told me she is sleeping at his place this weekend with them

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Jesus Christ. What a twat he is. You are best off out of this. He’ll have her looking after the kids if he hasn’t already.

The fact that he’s already got her staying over when they’re there shows what a thick, selfish prick he is. He cares nothing for their mental wellbeing.

TetHouse · 14/01/2025 09:50

Rhian90 · 14/01/2025 09:31

The kids told me she is sleeping at his place this weekend with them

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Ah, OK. That’s clear. Ugh. He’s a human tragedy, OP. Concentrate on civil co-parenting and be glad you’re no longer a couple. You’re worth more than Mr Can’t Be Arsed.

Original poster
Rhian90 · 14/01/2025 09:48

I don’t even know who he is anymore

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Original poster
Rhian90 · 14/01/2025 09:48

Endofyear · 14/01/2025 09:40

Is it possible that he's been having an affair with this woman and that's why he's been lazy and uninterested in family life? Of course he should be spending quality time with them but unfortunately you can't dictate what he does or doesn't do when he has the children.

Possibly, but it isn’t the right way to go about it is it? Just leave

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W0tnow · 14/01/2025 09:45

Rhian90 · 14/01/2025 09:38

Why do men do this? He said he doesn’t want to be alone and will never anybody like he apparently loved me. Bollocks

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He’s told you the answer. He doesn’t want to be alone. If he loved you that much, he wouldn’t be moving on so quickly. Honestly, if the love of my life left me I’d be a quivering wreck 3 weeks after, not having a new bloke for sleepovers!

You’re just going to have to try to focus on you, and the kids while they’re under your care. I’d tell him that you’d rather they aren’t exposed to new partners unless it’s going to be a long term thing. But if he disagrees, there is little you can do.

Focus on your new life, free of a lazy husband!

Endofyear · 14/01/2025 09:40

Is it possible that he's been having an affair with this woman and that's why he's been lazy and uninterested in family life? Of course he should be spending quality time with them but unfortunately you can't dictate what he does or doesn't do when he has the children.

Original poster
Rhian90 · 14/01/2025 09:38

W0tnow · 14/01/2025 09:36

Your disappointing husband continues to disappoint. You are right that he should be spending quality time with them, and sadly there isn’t much you can do.

Why do men do this? He said he doesn’t want to be alone and will never anybody like he apparently loved me. Bollocks

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W0tnow · 14/01/2025 09:36

Your disappointing husband continues to disappoint. You are right that he should be spending quality time with them, and sadly there isn’t much you can do.

Itiswhatitis80 · 14/01/2025 09:33

He has to put the effort in at the start otherwise no one would date him.

Original poster
Rhian90 · 14/01/2025 09:31

TetHouse · 14/01/2025 09:28

But are you sure they’re seeing one another romantically?

As I said above, I evolved a weekend default with a neighbour who’d just separated because it suited us both, and our children. Absolutely no attraction or sexual involvement.

Show quote history

The kids told me she is sleeping at his place this weekend with them

OP posts:
TetHouse · 14/01/2025 09:28

Rhian90 · 14/01/2025 09:17

It just hurts as they have been through so much already. I just wish he would have told me to be honest and I found out from the kids. She seems nice enough though.

But are you sure they’re seeing one another romantically?

As I said above, I evolved a weekend default with a neighbour who’d just separated because it suited us both, and our children. Absolutely no attraction or sexual involvement.

MiraculousLadybug · 14/01/2025 09:19

BlondeMamaToBe · 14/01/2025 09:10

Anyone involving new partners with their kids after only three weeks needs shot with shit.

Fully agree.