DH has little to no relationship with DD

All parents should spend time with and be involved with the care of their children. Doesn't matter if they work 100 hours a week, 30 hours a week or zero hours.

Looking after children is not just a boring household task to be allocated so it makes sense for it to be the sole responsibility of the less busy parent. It's something both parents need to make time for.

Love MN. Last year there was a truly batshit post on here, a sahm was complaining her NHS consultant husband, working away 5 days a week and coming home only on week-ends, only lets her have one full day off to herself - Saturday, because he has to do admin on Sunday. Other cfers on here were suggesting he should do his admin every day when he clocks off, in hospital accommodation, so he could be clear all admin before he travels home on Friday night, to be a 'parent' both Sunday and Saturday.

I wouldn't class that as a lot really. He agreed to the setup, it doesn't mean he gets to opt out of parenting, it just doesn't.

He does the bare minimum and works as much as he can to avoid his own child.

You're putting your own spin on what I said.

I didn't say he wasn't a shit father. I said it's not as straightforward as saying that because he clearly does a lot of things for his family, including providing financial support for two children that aren't his, and allowing OP to stay home full-time even though their youngest is in nursery (that he's also paying for).

He may well not be emotionally present but it's too simplistic to say he does nothing and is totally useless. OP couldn't stay home and have three days to herself each week without him. She'd have to work full-time to pay for all three of her kids.

He is a shit father. He has no relationship with his daughter, how can he be anything else?

He works full time as many parents do. Many parents also come home and spend quality time with their children after work. It's basic stuff really.

This

Sounds like he feels he has done his parenting with his 1st two

I think many posters are judging both.

I'm not saying otherwise.

But let's not pretend OP is a SAHM in the trenches with multiple small children and no respite or support. She has three days a week with no children at home, and a husband who pays for a cleaner and who financially supports her other children on top.

I've also said (multiple times) that her DH should be doing more, but I don't think it's as straightforward as saying he's a shit, good-for-nothing dad. He does a lot.

This too.

Though I'm not surprised that OP is getting judged over daring to have some time to herself yet her DH is far too important and special to parent his child even just for 1 bath time.

But OP is there far more than the evenings and weekends.

It's very unusual for a 3 year old to not go to nursery.

Regardless of what the OP does or doesn't do, this is a father who spends precious little if any time "raising his child".

It doesn't matter if he works or the division of responsibilities in their house - working does not give a free pass to opt out of parenthood even if you think the other parent has a sweet deal.

Let's not pretend that being at home with a child full-time is remotely the same as being there in the evenings and weekends.

Does the child magically raise herself at the weekends? Or after 4pm?

She "raises his child" two days a week...which is much less than the hours he spends supporting her and her kids...

Indeed. I don't know a single working mother who has opted out of parenting. Most I know are madly scrambling to fit as much parenting around work as they can.

Absolutely. Whenever a woman posts about working full time here, they get told that they will never get the time back, how no one wishes they worked more on their death bed and to stop being so selfish and materialistic.

When it's a man, he's working hard and maybe he'll have a relationship with his daughter when she's older and more fun. That would never fly with a woman, she'd be a terrible parent who prioritises work over her own child.

I think there can be double standards here - men earning and tired opt out of parenting - well he pays for everything doesn't he? Women would be more judged for doing that.

As a single (divorced) parent who worked full time had a cleaner, nursery pre-school and au pair or nanny over the school years I still rushed home for bath and bedtime, (and as they got older to make dinner) and played and had full on active fun with them every weekend. Because it was important to me to be close to my children and enjoy them. They grow up so quickly.

It isn't just a bit though, is it? He does absolutely nothing to the point he has no relationship with his own daughter.

I can imagine what the responses would be if I came on saying that I don't like the baby/toddler stage so because I don't fancy doing it, I'm going to opt out until it's more fun when they are older because I work full time. I certainly wouldn't be met with ''oh, well you work hard''. I'd be told that I'd never get the time back and why did I bother having children at all. Funny that.

True. But most of those are parents who both work so no choice. If you were subsidising your H being at home full time (and child in nursery 3 days per week plus a cleaner twice a week), you may want to just flop on the sofa for a bit after work. Indeed, I can imagine the response if you came on MN and said your DH wanted you to bath your DC after a long day work, when he'd not been doing that much.

He can work and bath his daughter and put her to bed. It really isn't difficult, working parents do it all of the time. Not every night but some nights, if he's too tired to do that then he's clearly too tired to manage work drinks and golf.

He works long hours by choice. Probably to avoid parenting his daughter.

She has a break because she is doing absolutely everything. I don't blame her. Most 3 year olds are in nursery for some hours anyway.

Yeah, with your kids in school and nursery. AFAWK these kids have no special needs, there is no reason why she can’t find a job. Sounds like she hooked an older rich man to have an easy life and it’s not working out as planned.

She sounds disgusting 🤢

Literally this. I'm suspicious the WFH two days a week OP mentioned he's declining to do, would fall on the 2 days when OP has her child at home. Sounds more like it's OP who isn't that keen on spending time with DD vs DH.

When your child isn't with you 8hrs a day, 3x a week? Isn't that just called a "Stay at home" 😅