Partner always wants to go halves

How often do you go out to eat?

I’d much rather split each time than faff around trying to remember “turns”! It’s what DH and I always did when we were first together, until we opened up a joint account for things like this when we moved in together. Neither of us are tight, it’s just way more practical. If you have a joint card then it looks like one of you is paying, if appearances are important to you.

If you always split, then either of you can easily “treat” whenever you want by paying the lot. Just don’t start doing it randomly and then get annoyed if he doesn’t reciprocate. It would do my head in if someone wanted me to keep track of things like that. Life is busy enough!

I can see the announcement being annoying, so do have a word about that so it stops grating. If the expectation is that you’ll split the bill, then no need to announce it.

This and also it's giving me the slight ick OP

Surely the end result is exactly the same? It seems as though you are looking for something bad to pin your feelings on to, which is the real red flag here. Maybe the relationship has just run its course and you are looking for a way to end it?

It can be quite expensive to pay for the whole bill, even if it evens out in the end.

If the relationship has legs and you see a future can you open up a joint fun money account. This is what my ex and I did, just an internet account like Chase or Monzo. We each put some money in and it was there for meals, trips, holidays. No faff over who was paying. Two years together seems long enough for this if you are both solvent and issues with debt/credit.

I'd feel the same OP. It's not the paying equally, that's the right thing to do. Me and my partner of 8 years take turns and have done from the off. It feels more like a partnership this way, as opposed to splitting with a friend.

Are you looking to having children with him? I don't think his approach necessarily means he's tight and bodes ill for the future, it could just be a habit he's had all his adult life. You say he's great in every other way and it doesn't sound like it's all one way when cooking for each other.

In your shoes I'd find a light hearted way to raise it. Don't make it a problem but equally if it makes you feel a bit shit then you must address it.

Do you ever pull out cash yourself to make him feel lovely and romantic?

Until we got a joint account DP and I always went halves, easier than remembering whose turn it was. (Unless one of us was treating the other for whatever reason.) Would find the constant reminders a bit unnecessary but nothing wrong with going halves as a default if you don't share finances.

My sister is with a man like this.

I’ll never forget when she had a newborn baby and he went up and ordered and paid for his own food only. He’s still like this now.
He’s never got any money when she asks him to contribute towards food shopping or things for the house and kids despite working full time. He’s always got money when he wants something for himself.

Oh I’m with you 100%, I can’t bear it - all that counting the pennies and fiddling with calculators seems so mean and unattractive. Eating out isn’t about counting the small change, it’s about indulgence.
My DH and I roughly take it in equal turns to pay the full bill (not that we ever eat out any more, so count yourself lucky on that at least!). Or whoever suggested the meal/takeaway pays. If it’s my ‘turn’ and he then pulls out a handful of cash at the end and says he’ll get it, it feels lovely and romantic.

I would never be with a man who made me pay half for dinner.

Have you been on many dates first dates recently? Dinner on a first date? A quick drink where you both buy the a round is more usual. Why would you commit to a full meal when you only know them over text or phone?

OP I think 50/50 is pretty standard for most people these days but obviously there should be exceptions like birthdays and special meals. Splitting the bill is a bit annoying but I guess it maybe that he likes to pay as he goes rather than leaving an outstanding meal that is either an unexpected cost or something that feels owed. I think this is more of an annoyance than a deal breaker.

Whats the alternative

do you want him to bank roll you or do you want to bank roll him

And there I was searching for the right words. Thank you. This. 100%

This would be such a turn off...

He's no gentleman is he?

I feel the same way OP, I prefer to take turns paying rather than splitting the bill. It’s not about saving money but about showing love and care for each other and feeling like a couple.
I told my DP quite strongly several times that his approach of splitting the bill every time was upsetting me and eventually he stopped assuming it.
I’d suggest taking to your DP about it one day when you are not in a restaurant , not in a confrontational way but to understand each other’s perspective.

I’m with you, op. It’s not about the amount of money- there’s just something slightly depressing and bean-county about always splitting the bill. Taking it in turns has more style and is a statement of faith in the future- you know it will work out fairly overall because you know there are many dinners to come. (It’s also an approach that works best when everyone has plenty of money so there’s no cash flow issue about paying for the whole thing- is that a factor, either current income or different backgrounds?)

I wonder whether he’s actually aware of what you want though. I think lots of men have in mind an idea they could pay for everything, and they also have in mind the idea of splitting the bill. But they might not even have considered taking it in turns as a possibility. Why not just suggest it if it matters to you?

I certainly wouldn’t read anything negative into it, even though like you I’m not keen on splitting.

I think I would dump him because he happily lets you pay the full bill at times and then still does 50/50 the next time.

Any decent person would say ‘you paid last time, I’ll get this one’.

Did he never to send you half the money when you paid the full bill?

As you split every time anyway I don't think there's need for him to mention it every time in advance, and this would get on my nerves after a while. Next time he mentions it just tell him that's the norm every time anyway so there's no need to mention it every time. No point of circling around it and not mentioning it because of criticising him.

It is different because its more faff. Its like he doesn't want to take turns in case the relationship ends and he's out of pocket for that one meal or something. I don't even do this with friends I go and see one on one. I wouldn't mind if it was friends but the whole ceremony of letting you know you're splitting every single time, would give me the ick because it signals that he doesn't want to take the relationship forward and even if he did, it wouldn't be a comfortable living situation. I would end it, I couldn't deal with this and wouldn't dream of having a child with someone like this.

Is the bill splitting fair? Or are you ordering salad and he's ordering steak?

I'd be fine with bill splitting generally but it would bother me that he never wants to treat me (as you have him)

Does he do gifts? Is he generous with family/friends?

I'd be cautious for signs he's a miser which isn't attractive at all

How can it feel tight when he's paying basically the same as he would under your preferred method of taking turns (your method might lead to someone paying more if a more expensive restaurant fell on "their turn" but would probably broadly even out over time)?

I don't think splitting the bill vs taking turns are different enough that one would be what I want, and one would really bother me.

It sounds like you lead quite separate lives, with completely separate finances: maybe this is his way of keeping it like that, as it would be harder to keep track of who last paid / how much if you take it in turns. Do you have any plans to move the relationship forward and share anything - money / accounts, homes, children, possessions?