Partner always wants to go halves

Call his bluff... Say "no, this is my treat" {big smile} and see how he reacts. Does he insist on paying his half then?

He’s definitely not hiding anything?
otherwise I’d would just say “hey I’ve been thinking why don’t we take in turns instead? It’s quicker and easier it’s not like we aren’t going to see each other again!”

Call me old fashioned but I’ve never gone halves for a meal when I’m in a relationship. Either he pays or if I’m treating, I pay. That would be a red flag for me, sorry. Married for over 25yrs and my husband never allows me to pay when we eat out unless I specifically say I’m treating for maybe his birthday etc. was like that from the beginning of our relationship

You are sleeping with someone who's just a friend. You're kidding yourself it's something more. He will comply to this - why wouldn't he. STOP inviting him to YOUR HOUSE and see where it leads. You need a break from this french farce. A man who loves you will not be acting this way. It's NOT ILLEGAL to be Single or celebate. Kick him into touch.

It’s not very sexy that he keeps hammering home the 50/50 bit before every meal - what a buzz kill.
Does he fold his trousers and pants up before sex?!

I wouldn't like it - I'm not even sure why as it seems fair. My partner and I, even before we lived together just kind of mostly took it in turns - sometimes one might pay a couple of times in a row and then the other - it balanced out overall - sometime both our children were there, sometimes one, sometimes none and we still just whoever, had their card to hand, had been paid more recently. I think maybe splitting it every time (and the mentioning it) perhaps sounds a bit business like.
Even with friends if it is just 2 or 3 - we mostly split it but sometimes one will offer to pay and then next time the other will

My ex used to earn about ten times what I did. Usually he’d pay for the bigger more expensive meals and I’d pay if it was a Nando’s or KFC etc. Towards the end of the relationship he started to ask if I’d pass him cash under the table so that he could still look like he was paying, but I was contributing my half. It really gave me the ick! If we popped out to get some bits for dinner and we both picked up some extra bits that were on offer etc he’d put our shopping on the conveyor belt separately too, whereas I’d move the bar and just pay for his stuff with the dinner stuff as it felt really weird to me arriving together and then going to separate tills or putting the divider down between us. After 10 years that didn’t feel like partner behaviour!

He’d never been tight before but this felt like all of a sudden I wasn’t seen as a partner, and I got into massive amounts of debt while with him trying to keep up with his lifestyle.

New DP is more like your BF here, he’d be happy to split things by what we’ve had or go 50/50 each time, but I set the precedent early on by suggesting we take turns so now that’s what we do and he seems happy with that. We don’t eat out anywhere near as often as ex and I did though. Sometimes we’d go out for lunch and dinner on the same day!

To me going half’s or Dutch makes sense although it’s not the norm. I think it’s alot easier to budget and you don’t end up with a big bill the week before payday ( years of watching the pennys is hard to get out of )

We do this but we have one credit card used for joint spending -food and holidays and eating out.

He transfers me half of that every month. In fact now he pays me £200 on account each month and I true it up every 3-6 months. (I am an accountant though)

This. Going half is great in the earliest part of a relationship. You've been together 2 years and looks like he's still making a point that he doesn't want to spend a cent more than you do. It's a red flag character trait.

Where's the relationship going forward? Have you asked him?

if going halves means you each pay for what you've had then i think it's fine. In my last relationship we each used to pay in full every other time we ate out, however my boyfriend at the time always used to say " I'll treat you" when it was his turn to pay. Gave me the absolute ick.

Oh and the friend I mentioned above would spend Saturday morning working out the shares on grocery and petrol bills... really tedious. Not her character at all as when we go out we often buy dinner for each other !

Sounds like he'd skin a louse for it's hide !! Does he buy you presents for birthdays, Xmas , etc?

I am not sure if it's a question about being unreasonable or not. You don't like it and it's hard to flip that around. I wouldn't like it, it sounds really transactional.
A friend of mine makes a point of saying how her and her husband split everything 50/50 - she says it like a mantra but I know in the past with boyfriends and an ex husband that she loved being treated and doing things for each other.
For me this would be a massive turn off. I have dated men and been married to men who always paid for dinner/lunch but it didn't mean that I never paid for anything, I would book a nice hotel, theatre tickets, other things.
I would hate to be in a beautiful restaurant and splitting the bill on a dinner date...

Mmmm I think I sort of agree yanbu.

Nothing wrong with going halves in itself if you are both roughly eating the same. But if he is having three courses and you are having two it’s unfair on you, same with alcohol vs soft drinks if it’s unequal.

Is he managing ok money wise?

For me it’s more that by constantly wanting to go halves it feels like he’s keeping the relationship in a particular phase if you know what I mean, there’s a keeping you at a distance sort of thing that would bother me. Friends go halves. New couples might go halves. Longer term couples are more likely to either share finances or take turns treating each other.

Also I would worry a little what this means for the future. Is he always going to want to have separate finances? That’s fine if it’s what you both want but it can be more difficult if living together and when children come along. I couldn’t be doing with all that splitting the grocery costs, working out how to separate the bills, childcare costs, and it’s even more complicated still if you don’t earn the same wages.If he was the greater wage earner he’d likely be the type to work out your contribution vs his to the letter and I couldn’t be doing with all that.

Yes, fine, as long as you stay in your separate homes.
🙄

He sounds really tight.

He can’t even treat you when you go out for a meal ?

I wouldn’t want to be with someone like this.

It would make me feel as though he always wanted to be in a walk away position. Nothing owed.

But the main thing is whether or not he’s more generally as tight as a ducks backside re money. You see so many posts on here from women who are being financially abused once they’ve had kids and are dependent during maternity leave or long term.

I wouldn’t just mention it casually as it’s the sort of thing that I’d worry is a sign of other ‘weird’ things to come, financially.
I’d address it head on with something like:
’Look, we’ve been going out for two years now, and I know you like to split restaurant bills, but can I PLEASE just take you out for dinner and pay for you? And then maybe next time you can treat me? Otherwise it’s starting to feel like we’re still on a first date each time! We’re closer than that now, surely?’

Good luck OP. This would drive me nuts.

I think you’re right to question this. Why does he get to decide how things work? Why is he so rigid about this, to the point he’s stating it before each meal out? That lack of flexibility and trust that you will take your turn would be a problem for me.

Where do you see the relationship going? Do you see him as a long term partner? If you’re serious, time to have a conversation about this, and about how you would want finances to be arranged if you did move in, get married, have kids etc. I’d be very worried that this is a sign that he’d be financially controlling and unwilling to be open about money.

It’s frustrating behaviour now, but it could be a lot more serious further down the line.

My ex husband did this and even argued about who had ordered more in terms of cost if we split it. Getting two cards out to pay was also a drag. So we agreed to take it in turns, but then he accused me of choosing more expensive restaurants when it was his turn (I didn’t - we just went to pubs or local no frills places!). Yes I did LTB in the end 😁

Yes, it does feel we’re in the grip of some really regressive gender stuff at the moment. Splitting the bill was normal for everyone I knew during my dating heyday in the late 90s / early 2000s.

I'm long married, so we'd just pay out if the joint account, but when you're dating, going halves or paying for what you had seems perfectly normal to me (though announcing it in advance is a bit odd)! The whole 'being a gentleman' about paying gives me the ick tbh.

I’m really impressed by all the people who can so easily keep track of whose turn it is!

And yet there are always so many threads about CF friends and boyfriends who find ways to weasel out of paying when it’s their turn. Surely if everyone just splits the bill this is all avoided?

Or maybe testing someone’s ability to remember whose turn it is is a good way of select for intuitive fairness in partners and friends, and weed out the CFs. Food for thought. 🤔

That's how you treat friends imo, I'd rather pay for what I ordered and have separate tabs tbh.
I'm a SAHM due to our youngest having disabilities, I don't earn much at all DH covers all the bills, when we get a rare morning together after school drop off i treat him to a fry up at our local cafe we used to frequent after nights out as a gesture but I wouldn't have any children with a man like yours op.