DH ignoring me when I speak

someone said "man". It's a trigger for some posters 😂

I honestly wish that I could relax enough to get so lost in what I'm doing! I'm more overly aware of my surroundings. I think it can sometimes be difficult to not see it as ignorant, because when somebody wants your attention, you give them it fully, or at least answer, and say I'll be with you in acouple of minute etc. You sort of just want that same curtesy reciprocated. Some people just get so focused on what they're doing that they tune the world out somehow! Dh I have learnt is one of these too, and it isn't on purpose (or at least I hope it isn't). 😂

My brother is like this, and was the same when he was 5. It doesn't register with him.

Although in my defense now I think about it, my DW will ignore me when she’s texting

I’m ashamed to admit it but I am guilty of it, (I’m female) I honestly don’t hear sometimes when I’m reading something on my phone or even a book. Normally a sharp ‘Nosy!’ will bring me back round but my DW obviously finds it irratating

It is interesting you say that, because I swear dh is on the spectrum too. It is difficult to get his attention, and he misses social cues at times as well.

It has came to light more since one of our dcs is ND. To get their attention and break this concentration, it helps to say something completely random that they are interested in. Might be something to look into op? Or possibly just selective hearing?

I've never really understood dumb responses like this.

He was on his phone texting. We are planning on moving house and I asked him about a house we are going to view, and what he thinks of it. He ignored me, completely focused on his texting

It sounds like he was focused on texting, and your timing might not have been ideal. Did you try asking something like, “Can we talk about the house viewing?” or did you just start talking while he was in the middle of something?

On his part, he should have acknowledged you and said he was busy, suggesting a better time to talk.

Ultimately, this comes down to communication—both sides could approach it more thoughtfully.

My dh gets so engrossed in his phone that he sometimes doesn’t hear me either( not the best at ,multitasking).

I work in early years and are aware that I should always say he child’s name first before speaking to them, so they know I’m speaking to them. I do that at home too and it seems to work! Eg Peter,(pause) then I talk.

If it's "urgent" and you need an immediate reply, fair enough

but expecting someone to drop a conversation, phone/ whatsapp/ text or email because you feel chatty is a bit rude.

Wouldn't you feel he's an entitled arse if he expected you to drop everything you were in the middle of doing for a non-important chat that could wait 5mn?

I think you’re being a bit unreasonable. Texting is essentially a conversation he is having with someone else and you wanting to start a new conversation when he is talking to someone else is a bit off.

However, how he manages it matters too. If I want to speak to my DH and he’s on his phone, he will say something like “just talking to x can we speak in a bit?” and that’s fine. If your partner simply ignores you altogether then that is rude.

He probably just didn't register that you'd spoken.

Unless you think he is ignoring you on purpose, just make sure you get his attention before you launch into your question etc - also gives him a chance to ask for a moment while he finishes whatever it is he's doing.

I wouldn't interrupt someone at work who was busy doing something. Why would I do it to my partner?

My husband is half deaf in one ear so if I just talk, he might well not hear it. When not actively texting, I ask him to let me know when he has a moment. My husband does the same to me because my auditory processing can be slow. If someone just starts talking to me when I am thinking about something else, I miss the first half of the sentence/question and have to get them to repeat themselves.

I agree with @Unexpectedlysinglemum If you know they are texting back and forth, they are actually having a conversation. If he was talking to someone on the phone or in person you wouldn’t cut in and talk to him about a house. But I do see how texting seems different, can’t put my finger on why, but I don’t think it is

If someone is actually texting I'd say wait or get their attention first
If scrolling I'd expect them to reply

Throw his phone on the floor, stamp on it and say “Listen to me when I am talking to you!”

This is reasonable, as anything you are saying is obviously going to be more important than anything he is doing.

No, you call attention FIRST - why should his task (whatever it is) be interrupted by you ? Why is what you're asking be more important than what he's doing?

This is literally about the third most important issue I see as a couples therapist, everyone interpreting (wrongly) that their partner doesn't care about them, that they're prioritising xyz over them etc - not clocking for one minute that they're demanding something when they do it.

Call first, 'can I ask you something when you're ready' then when they indicate they're ready check again (as they're possibly still IN the mode of thinking about the task)

Then say what you want, ask them to comment/repeat back if it was really important etc.

I actually think it’s not very considerate to demand immediate attention from someone who is clearly in the middle of something else, unless it’s urgent.
He is effectively in a conversation at that point and you’re interrupting and expecting he ditch his friend.

I'm guilty of this I must admit. If I'm focussed on a task I just seem to switch off my ability to hear.

DP and I are both like this. DS is too actually. Our ears turn off when we're busy. Just get his attention before you start speaking.

Came on to say this. In his position, I'd say "lemme just finish this text to Dave about the rugby" and then be with you. That way, Dave knows what the rugby plans are and you get a productive conversation.

Next time, say something utterly outrageous, like you're thinking of dying all his pants shocking pink and putting them in random pillar boxes. That will tell you whether he's ignoring you or is a ginger cat in human form and the single braincell can only do one thing at once.

I can't text and talk either, but I always acknowledge someone talking to me and say "hang on a sec. I'll just send this and I'm all yours". Seems to work. I'm female.

He is being very rude.
The people around you should take precedence unless you have excused yourself or stated that you will be busy for ten minutes, sorry.

Have a texting place in your home. A place where you can remove yourselves from the others in the house.
The old fashioned telephone on the wall meant that others were alerted that you were busy, and you had to get up and move. And the people phoning in knew that the whole house would be hearing a RING. People have lost all sense of not wishing to interupt others.
Create a system where you are actively excusing yourself, asking others to wait and being aware that you need to check into your real life and family fairly quickly or you are being rude.

@LazyArsedMagician Absolutely this...

Wow. So many of your trained by your husband's to wait your turn before daring to address him. Ensure he's ready and willing to acknowledge you before you pipe up ladies!

Shame.

This would be the beginning of the end in my relationship. If you can't even afford me an acknowledgement then fuck right off.