DH ignoring me when I speak

What?

Do people actually think it's OK to interrupt when someone is texting? What about if they're on a voice call or a video call? Or in the middle of talking to someone else? You just say what you want to say and expect them to drop what they're already in the middle of and give you their full attention? Really?

In this house, no one interrupts anyone in that way unless it's a dire emergency. We're polite and respectful to each other. We'd wait til until the call/text/conversation was finished before asking questions. At most we might say "do you have minute?" or "can we have a quick chat when you're done?", but we certainly wouldn't expect general chatter to be started when someone is clearly in the middle of something. Does no-one teach manners anymore?

Then he'll say give me a sec I'm just texting John or finishing whatever he is doing. I see no issue with this.

I suppose if he genuinely can't hear you then he's not being rude. What's he like if you tap him on the shoulder or shout in his ear?

Yes, that's exactly what it's like!

I see from your earlier comment you also have a wife- maybe it's a lesbian thing?! 😂

In the case of my husband he doesn't hear me he's that zoned in to what he is doing we are just white noise. He's not being ignorant it's not done conciously

It's not just a male thing- I do this too. Have done since childhood. My wife knows she needs to get my attention before starting to speak to me if I'm focused on something, otherwise I genuinely won't hear her.

If somebody asked me something while I was texting I would say 'Hang on a sec' and finish off before focusing on them. But completely ignoring you is a bit much.

Well, he could say 'hang on' but he doesn't. He ignores you. I am approaching 100 years old and by dint of a long life and careful observation I can enlighten you as to what's going on ~ he is teaching you not to interrupt him when he's texting, because texting someone or other is important to him, and talking to you is not. This is how you train dogs. It distresses them to be ignored, so it's used to teach them how to behave. You don't have to say a word. If a dog jumps up on you, simply turn your back and act as though the dog isn't there. It will soon stop jumping up. Operant conditioning, innit? He's using it on you. You ask how you can get him to listen. I suppose you could use some fiendish reverse psychology on him, if you have the inclination, but why bother? He's shown you your place.

But just because you are in the same room doesn’t mean you are ‘together’. If I’m writing a grant application, or helping mum with some drama, or talking through a holiday plan with a friend, I’m busy. I’m not ready and waiting for every word that drops out of his mouth. If he has something important to say- like a house he wants to show me- he can say ‘I’ve sent you a house link. Let me know when you can chat about it.’

Actually though, he just says ‘sent you a house…’ and I know what that means.

Is it only when you "need" an answer? Would you get an instant answer if you said "dh I'm making a drink do you want one?"

I get having to ask for permission to speak and be listened to in some contexts but not when you are supposed to be having downtime with someone that you are close to. Sorry but no, it would just put me off speaking to that person if I had to do that. All it would have taken was a "just a moment" if the text couldn't wait.

Not interrupting someone who is busy is having your bar on the floor?

fuck me, I thought it was just being courteous

Oh fuck this, just because your bar is on the floor doesn't mean other women have to accept meekly waiting their turn to speak while their husbands gawk at a screen like teenage boys.

My DH can’t do two things at the same time.
Seems to be a thing with a lot of men, I find.

It’s equally rude to assume someone is doing nothing when you start talking to them. Pretty egocentric.

DM walks into the room talking and expects all previous conversations to stop and we listen to her. That’s pretty much what you did. If I’m talking to someone on my phone, that’s two people you think should stop for whatever it is you want to say.

DH is the one who thinks I can leave the thought I’m capturing and recording to answer whatever has crossed his mind. I can’t. I need to finish what I’m doing. I don’t walk into his study and talk over whatever he’s doing.

Husband doesn’t respond when I speak - he’s abusive

husband expects me to respond when he speaks and I’m doing something - he’s abusive

Yes it’s deffo ignorant. But I can vouch and say that it’s almost like a switch has been flipped that tunes out your surroundings and so even though you obviously hear something, it doesn’t compute in the mind that your being spoken to.

Exactly, I think it is just more the acknowledgment needed of "I'm busy right now, I'll be with you in 5, or whatever." I honestly think some people are ignorant, but there are also those that really are just extremely engrossed in what they're doing. They just tune it all out, and they're completely oblivious!

It's not just a man thing, I'd not be able to listen well and text at the same time either so I'm afraid I'd ignore you too but not intentionally.

I'm surprised at the responses so far, but I suppose it depends on how often it happens. I was in a relationship with a man who was always engrossed in something - the TV, his phone, other people's conversations, that I would spend most of the time talking to myself or repeating myself. I felt really lonely and like what I had to say didn't matter, so I left him. However, if it's once in a while because he's in the middle of a message or email then that's different, but I would expect some kind of acknowledgement that I'd spoken e.g. Two seconds, I'm just sending this text

@ThatFunRubyHelper Hopefully, based on the responses you've understood that you're in the wrong here.

So you think no matter what he is doing he should drop it when the op speaks? That's ridiculous. If I am texting and DH starts a conversation I'll say give me a sec I'm just replying DH wouldn't even hear me, he's not ignoring me but when he is engrossed he tends to zone in on that one thing. I know to either wait until he's finished unless it's urgent. If it is then I will say his name to get his attention. I think demanding someone drop what they are doing because you want to have a non urgent chat is entitled.

My thoughts exactly.

Is he ignoring you as opposed to genuinely not being aware you've spoken because he's engrossed in what he's doing?

Why does your voice mean he needs to stop everything and listen?