Confused about situation with my therapist

I admit I’m someone who’s never had therapy, so I can’t comment on that dynamic exactly. But from the outside, this feels like an over reaction to me.

I think with any relationship in the world, we will feel some disappointment at some point along the line. Surely that’s guaranteed… unless you’re communicating with a robot, which would be unsatisfactory for different reasons! Everyone has frailties, it’s what makes us human. Given you think this guy is a great therapist (usually), I think you should take some time to get over this stressful period before making any decisions. His behaviour was less than professional and I’m sure he’d be mortified to know how much it affected you. I guess his own life got in the way for a moment and he let you down… I’m sure the time thing won’t happen again if you’ve discussed that with him.

I sometimes use chat gpt as a tool. Not to replace my voice but to check for typos or repetition etc. I’m sure it was the same with him. Unfortunate that you saw the evidence because it felt impersonal, but I’m sure it was done in good faith.

Wishing you well and all the best with your move!

I entirely agree with this and this is coming from someone who has had a lot of therapy, some good, some not so good. I also think it is ok for him to have told you about his family emergency as it is important you knew it wasn’t personal.

If he is not a native English speaker and needs chatGPT help for messages how on earth he is a good therapist?

I disagree with most here. I think he should have fulfilled his duties to vulnerable clients. I also don't think it was professional to explain further than 'a family emergency'. The mention of his mother makes it sound like he was trying to make OP feel bad for being justifiably annoyed.

When he offered a Saturday appointment, presumably he'd have had to respond to OP if she accepted that appointment, so why not just book the Monday appointment (or explain that it might happen at short notice) at that time?

Confusion is always the first sign of a toxic person or relationship. This confusion would have been completely avoided if he had been thoroughly apologetic and taken full responsibility for not meeting OP's perfectly reasonable expectations of him as a therapist. Instead, he's used excuses and justifications. Why bother? It's actually easier to just take full accountability and apologise, than use ChatGPT and tell a client personal stuff!

OP, I'd find another - female - therapist. You know your pattern is to wait too long before ending relationships with men. He will surely see it as a step forwards that you are breaking that pattern.

He is human, as much as you would like to disassociate, he is. He will have emergencies like we all do and will not always be available or able to fulfil commitments. I would continue with him and look at unpicking why it feels like other men who have let you down. He isn't a partner or family member, this is a professional relationship and his priority will rightly be with his family. I think getting through this may help you in future relationships to manage your expectations of others.

Yes, he did not behave perfectly. You knew the session was on Monday but he didn’t update the booking system until the last minute.

I would tell him:

1. this has damaged your relationship with him and you would like to repair that damage
2. the booking system being up to date is important to you: can he do this in future?
3. absolutely mention that you’re hesitant to disclose to him when he shows signs of being human: discussing this will make your therapeutic relationship stronger, its an important insight

Good luck with the move. Obviously if this behaviour from him becomes a pattern then that’s another story.

Hi OP. I think there is a lot going on for you- both in the past and right now, in the present.
It sounds like you have made good progress in your therapy. Regarding your past trauma, I'm truly sorry that you've had to endure that.

Your therapist didn’t act in an ideal way with regards to the messages you sent.
However, he is subject to the same situations that we all are- realistically, there isn't a therapist in the world that won't have something like this crop up from time to time.

It's worth remembering that, like it or not, we are all human, and like all humans, sometimes we fail- your therapist is one of these humans. You say that you've had to 'dehumanise' him in order to progress in therapy. That is probably worth unpicking some more- as it's kind of impossible unless you want to talk to a robot.

You're entitled to feel annoyed and upset, I think I would too in this situation, but perhaps it's a bit of an overreaction, compounded by the amount of stress you have on at the moment.
Maybe weigh up the pros and cons once the anger has died down a bit?

I hope your move goes well, and good luck with whatever you decide.

Associated overreaction. He had something going on that meant he wasn’t as responsive as you would have liked. If you don’t like that, then find another therapist but I think that would be a big mistake.

Gently, you are massively overreacting (which, I can only assume is fueled by your unresolved trauma). What I am reading is the therapist had a family emergency. He did his best to notify you of the change as soon as he was able to but, I expect, an elderly relative who suffered a bad fall requires arrangements put in place which naturally delay any other non-urgent activities like answering messages. Under normal circumstances, we expect people to have empathy and make allowances.
He didn't lie to you and he did not expect you to take on emotional load. He explained why he could not meet your needs immediately. You chose to extrapolate from this situation something that wasn't there. He didn't lie because he refunded you and rearranged your session as soon as he reasonable could. Granted, it was inconvenient for you but, again, these were extraordinary circumstances.
It is absolutely your choice to pick a different therapist but you made a very big deal out of a situation that did not necessitate it. I hope you will be able to realise it and continue your therapy elsewhere.

Therapists are people with lives and shit happens, so sometimes they will need to cancel/reschedule at short notice.

But they also know that their clients are vulnerable, so they absolutely should be careful how they communicate, especially around last minute changes, and they should never be minimising your feelings.

I think it’s time to seek another therapist, because you need to be able to trust them. Crappy timing with the move, but can’t be helped.

I'm really proud of you for telling him how you feel and for feeling angry and knowing his behaviour was not ok.

I do not like his actions though and feel another therapist to continue on your journey would be a good idea.

I have to have an absolute trust in my therapist for it to be effective and this interaction would have broken that for me.

Have you looked into EMDR therapy. It is very beneficial for trauma and I found it worked a lot quicker and more effectively than CBT for me.

Wow that’s hard. If it’s any help, I’m flipping back and forth too.

But- I would wait to make any decisions. You have a hell of a lot on. There’s no need to commit either way now. So let it sit. Do all the other stuff and come back to this.

Obviously, sorry about everything you are dealing with.