Left alone in a park

I leave my 10yo playing and walk around. It makes no difference that I know the area does it? He doesn't have a phone. We loop to keep an eye on him

When?

Do you know, I am not sure that it is OK. I have no problem at all with kids playing out at 10. I started to let my DS go to his mate's around the corner at 8 and to the park with his mates by 10. The key word there though is mate. I wouldn't have been at all comfortable if he had been there by himself and certainly not in a strange place where he wouldn't be able to go to someone's house nearby if he needed to.
I don't know that there's a lot you can do though OP. I don't think you have any control over how your ex parents on his time. If he thinks it's safe then that's it.

Genuine question, at what age do you think a child is going to be able to stop an adult grabbing hold of them, putting their hand over their mouth and throwing them inside a van?

Does it magically happen on their 12th, 13th, 14th birthday?

Or do you just never let your kids out alone? 🙄

Clearly the phone would be handy if she fell off a swing or felt unhappy at any point.

The chances of that happening in a busy park while ParkRun is going on is so small as to be almost non-existent.

I don't like the sound of it.
And I am an oldie who thinks many children today in England are babyfied too much.
I am a full grown autonomous adult and I would not like to dragged to some unknown location and then left alone there in the open air ie cold until others had finished their activity.
Like a parcel left at a station to await collection.
It would be entirely different if the one left had requested this outing and relished time to do their own thing.
But that doesn't sound like this situation.
More as if the young person is an inconvenience.
Have they been consulted as to what they may like to do on these occasions.
Also is this man her father?
If so why do you describe them as my DDs rather than our DDs ?

I think it’s quite reasonable to leave the child assuming that she’s happy to be left, our local park run has a playground in the same location and it will be full of kids whose parents are running. At 10 there is no reason not to stay in the playground alone, presuming they have a phone to contact a parent if needed. It’s only unsuitable if the child can’t be trusted to stay there, or might behave inappropriately, or something like that.

I think the issue is, dad has two kids who each want to do different things. If he didn’t leave the 10-year-old on the playground, the options would have been either force her to run, or tell the 12-year-old that she can’t do the run while they all do something together. I think the option of leaving the child on the playground is the better one.

Quite apart from the ableist language, no-one deserves to be screamed at.

It's abusive behaviour.

But this is in a place she has never been so she was alone with no friends
I agree it was unkind of her dad to leave her alone.
And for people who say didn't she have her phone. Many primary school children don't have phones.

At 11 my child is walking 25 mins to and from school twice a day by himself. The only reason your are being reasonable is if either

• your 10 year old was frightened and upset at being left. Or
• she has a disability which means that her understanding of stranger danger and/or her coordination is going to make her likely to wander off or fall off stuff.

Genuine question - What do you think a phone will do to help if an adult grabs hold of a child, puts their hand over their mouth to stop them screaming and throws them inside a van? Chances are they would also search them for a phone once in the van and if one is found, probably chuck it out the window (I read true crime).

12 and 10 is well old enough to be in a Scottish park.

In Scotland it’s completely normal for kids to play out in parks and other areas from much younger than 10.

my 12 year old gets the bus into town with her pals and goes to the shops, cinema and swimming and has been allowed to go to the park with her friends since she was 7.

so I really can’t see what’s wrong go with 10 year old waiting around while her dad does a park run.

if you are English OP I get it though as the culture seems to be totally different down south.

No I absolutely wouldn’t and we live in a lovely, upmarket area. The worry is about a crime which is one which can & DOES happen quite literally anywhere and in the blink of an eye.
The girl who was abducted by an Amazon driver was outside her own open front whilst her mum was in the kitchen…. She was 8 but had the girl been 9/10 or even 12 I doubt it would’ve been any different as a grown man can still overpower them.

I’d rather be called paranoid and be mocked on here, than the alternative. It’s a sad, sad world we live in; And crucially, one which is very, very different to how it was when we were that age…

Equally, many 11yos get themselves to and from school independently every (school) day, whether in Y6 or Y7- for some Y7s this can be quite a complex journey- most will also go out to meet friends independently, into the nearest town, to the cinema etc. On a school trip in Y7, 11yos may be given some free time not directly in sight of an adult (although usually in groups of 3 or more). I would say this is a normal level of independence for 11yos, and perhaps your 11yo needs to develop their independence a bit more? If they are just 11 and in Y6, I would definitely be aiming for them to build it up a bit over the next year.

I do think the need to cope at least in a familiar environment (not just at home) without an adult and be able to manage without being freaked out- there are scenarios where this could happen at secondary school.

Generally I'd say this is fine, but then I had a look at which parks parkrun takes place in Glasgow and it has expanded since I've lived there. If it was Pollok Park then I'd say fine. However, there's a homeless shelter right next to the playpark Queens Park so I'd be reluctant to leave my ten year old there alone. The other parks I don't know so well so couldn't comment. A bit of local knowledge could have helped your ex effectively risk assess this.

I am sorry, I dissent, he is a moron and deserves to be screamed at. No way should he have left her in the park like that. Too many predators around.

If they both have phones it wouldn't bother me.

Then again even if they didn't, a 10 year old should be ok in a play park for half an hour.

I did exactly this at that age, with my little sister in tow, in fact we started at about 8/9 and 6. Sometimes for 10k or 10 mile races too. Maybe different times, but we always knew to ask race Marshalls if something went wrong.

There’s a difference between 10 year olds being independent on their home territory and this. I wouldn’t be happy in a strange city. Also, with the faffing around before and after Parkrun, I expect she was alone for more than 30 minutes.

If god forbid something had happened, you can just imagine the judgement about leaving a 10 year old alone in a strange place…

Indeed. At that age in the early 70s I went out to play about 9.30, had to be back at 12.30 for lunch, then I was back out again until tea at 5.30. After tea was dependent on when it got dark.

Sometimes we played in gardens, sometimes we were over the fields, sometimes we went to the park.

But times have changed, so I doubt myself sometimes as to whether it's still OK.

I think that’s only part of it to be honest . I think 10/11 is only when most kids these days start being more independent- and it’s normally as part of a group of kids not alone .

i also think that a lot of people that hurt children and women just take an opportunity rather than actively going looking for it . This 10 year old could have been an opportunity.

30 minutes alone in a strange park aged 10? That's very irresponsible.

I think it’s kinder on dc2 to allow playing in the park rather than force them to do park run.

My kids would have preferred playing too and were independent enough to cope with 30 minutes unattended. I know that some kids aren’t allowed so are too scared to do stuff like that you know your kids best. Did dc2 mind ? Would she prefer having a phone or watch next time if she felt scared? She’s the right age to work on independence and a park run event (lots of families) is a good place to start. Does she know her dad’s phone number? I have had kids that I don’t know ask me to call their parent before and I taught my kids my number for emergencies.

Many 10 year olds walk to and from school as well as places like the shops and friends/family houses.

I did it in unfamiliar cities and countries too. It was never a problem.

So OP, was she OK with it?

Because that's key here