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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Left alone in a park

312 replies

Dmb563 · 13/01/2025 16:47

Please help, My ex looks after my two girls (12 and 10) most weekends. The eldest likes to do park runs on Saturdays but my youngest isn't really bothered. I found out recently that my ex and my eldest had done a park run in a large Scottish city (they've never been there before so an unfamiliar location), and my youngest had been left alone in a play park while they did a 5k park run. Looking at the course, the majority of it is outside the visibility of the park so there would be no way of checking whether she was safe in the park, except a few sections. A 5k takes around 30 minutes to complete - it does circulate the play park but on a very wide basis. Am I being unreasonable to think this isn't okay??

OP posts:

Scirocco · 13/01/2025 19:40

Depends on the child and the park, really. A sensible child would likely be fine in a safe park, especially during the day in the middle of parkrun event, with a parent and sibling nearby and presumably contactable if needed.

Marine30 · 13/01/2025 19:40

In your local park fine. In an unfamiliar city park not so much.

PointsSouth · 13/01/2025 19:39

FloralGums · 13/01/2025 17:03

It’s fine. My son was cycling down to the rec and playing with friends for a few hours by age 10.

Do kids still say 'the rec'? That cheers me up no end.

456pickupsticks · 13/01/2025 19:39

sounds fine to me, especially as, with what you've described, your ex would have been able to see your youngest in the park at a few intervals across the half an hour or so run.

Mydogisamassivetwat · 13/01/2025 19:37

I might be going against the grain here but I would not be okay with that.

I have a ten year old, she has never been to a park on her own. My now adult son wasn’t allowed to either. He didn’t go out to shops alone until he was 14/15 and wasn’t allowed to hang round the park or the streets. He’s grown up to work in the emergency services and travel the world alone so it didn’t exactly stunt him.

And yes, dd is going to secondary school this year, but she will be getting the school mini bus that we will walk her to and from.

There is no way I’d let her be in a park alone, or walk home from school alone after all the stories my son tells me from work.

Abzs · 13/01/2025 19:36

For me it would depend on whether it was
A: 10 year old didn't want to run with dad
Or
B: dad didn't want to run with 10 year old

Then whether I think that particular park is safe for that particular child.

Stirabout · 13/01/2025 19:31

Despite the posts 51% agree with you OP
Id definitely be looking at the info @Active13 has recommended

Active13 · 13/01/2025 19:27

NSPCC - Is your child ready to go out alone - a guide for parents. On the NSPCC website.
Very useful to read & make decisions

Givemethreerings · 13/01/2025 19:18

I think it’s fine. I’d do this.

But all depends on how your daughter felt about it really?

Theemperorsnewshoes · 13/01/2025 19:17

I think it depends on the child.

Was dd comfortable with the situation?

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 13/01/2025 19:17

At 10 I don’t see an issue with it, if sounds safe enough.

museumum · 13/01/2025 19:16

Parkrun is 9:30 start in Scotland so it is always fully light.

BarbaraHoward · 13/01/2025 19:16

MrsPinkSky · 13/01/2025 18:56

Genuine question, at what age do you think a child is going to be able to stop an adult grabbing hold of them, putting their hand over their mouth and throwing them inside a van?

Does it magically happen on their 12th, 13th, 14th birthday?

Or do you just never let your kids out alone? 🙄

Clearly the phone would be handy if she fell off a swing or felt unhappy at any point.

Show quote history

Genuine question - what do you think the odds are of this happening to a 10yo in a busy park during park run?

And genuine follow up - how do you think that compares to the risk of the same 10yo being in a serious accident every time they get in a car?

museumum · 13/01/2025 19:15

During Parkrun there’s usually loads of parents and young kids at the nearest play park waiting for runners to finish. I would be ok with my ten year old waiting there for me if he was ok with it. I wouldn’t if he was anxious though.

Active13 · 13/01/2025 19:15

B0xes · 13/01/2025 16:58

In a strange city? At home she could go home or find someone she knows if something happened but she's stuck on her own in a strange city. Was she not a bit scared?

I agree with this poster.
Also Park run officials are not DBS checked so why would they be 'safe' as some posters have commented.
Also most park runs are usually early in the morning....9am in the current weather conditions....very cold with not many other kids or parents in the play park.
Does she have a mobile phone, although not always a safety factor if in trouble.
Was alternative childcare available that her dad could arrange?

BunnyLake · 13/01/2025 19:13

pinkroses79 · 13/01/2025 19:10

I think it's fine. Mine went to the park alone at 10 frequently, although it was a familiar one.

Did they not want to be with friends? Alone in a park wouldn’t be appealing to me even as a child. I always went with friends.

pinkroses79 · 13/01/2025 19:12

I think it depends what the park was like. Was it full of parents and other children? Also, how did your daughter feel? If she wasn't happy then it wouldn't be ok.

Nanny0gg · 13/01/2025 19:11

biscuitsandbooks · 13/01/2025 19:07

Early noughties.

Show quote history

I was 1960s and I wouldn't be happy with this now

Nanny0gg · 13/01/2025 19:10

MajorCarolDanvers · 13/01/2025 18:46

12 and 10 is well old enough to be in a Scottish park.

In Scotland it’s completely normal for kids to play out in parks and other areas from much younger than 10.

my 12 year old gets the bus into town with her pals and goes to the shops, cinema and swimming and has been allowed to go to the park with her friends since she was 7.

so I really can’t see what’s wrong go with 10 year old waiting around while her dad does a park run.

if you are English OP I get it though as the culture seems to be totally different down south.

Edited

It's the unfamiliarity not the location as such

pinkroses79 · 13/01/2025 19:10

I think it's fine. Mine went to the park alone at 10 frequently, although it was a familiar one.

BunnyLake · 13/01/2025 19:09

Kindling1970 · 13/01/2025 17:23

When people in their 40s plus were younger we were out playing alone at a much younger age than that on the whole so it’s ok. The world has not become more unsafe since then but also appreciate parenting is different now so this might seem wrong to some people. It’s teaching her she can cope alone which will be great for her confidence

I was out and about (1970s) but never alone. I was always with friends. I must admit I wouldn't have been too happy with this as it was unfamiliar and she was alone rather than with a friend.

Zanatdy · 13/01/2025 19:09

I wouldn’t worry about mine age 10 waiting there, i’d tell her to wait near the finish line where the volunteers are.

Mercedes45 · 13/01/2025 19:08

I was smoking cigarettes by 10 😅

BeAzureAnt · 13/01/2025 19:08

I used to cycle to a park a mile away from my house and play all afternoon. I would just tell my parents when I’d be home. No mobiles in those days. 30 minutes with a phone sounds fine, esp when Dad and sister were doing a park run proximal to the area.

biscuitsandbooks · 13/01/2025 19:07

Nanny0gg · 13/01/2025 19:05

When?

Show quote history

Early noughties.

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