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AIBU?

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Original poster

Left alone in a park

312 replies

Dmb563 · 13/01/2025 16:47

Please help, My ex looks after my two girls (12 and 10) most weekends. The eldest likes to do park runs on Saturdays but my youngest isn't really bothered. I found out recently that my ex and my eldest had done a park run in a large Scottish city (they've never been there before so an unfamiliar location), and my youngest had been left alone in a play park while they did a 5k park run. Looking at the course, the majority of it is outside the visibility of the park so there would be no way of checking whether she was safe in the park, except a few sections. A 5k takes around 30 minutes to complete - it does circulate the play park but on a very wide basis. Am I being unreasonable to think this isn't okay??

OP posts:
FigusCarica · 13/01/2025 18:31

I wouldn't be happy all.
Yes a10 years old is capable of looking after themselves and 30 minutes is not a very long time but still not worth the risk, a lot can and does happen in 30 minutes. It's a public place.
There are other ways to do things, like doing the park run all together, then going to the playground, or asking another parent to keep an eye on the ten years old and exchanging numbers.
I hope your ex can bear to be explained how things are for girls and women.

biscuitsandbooks · 13/01/2025 18:30

Nanny0gg · 13/01/2025 18:23

So an area you knew, yes?

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Not always, no. I would also sometimes have to go with my dad to his races and would be left to sit in the car/wander around alone for an hour at the same age.

No mobiles in those days, I just had to entertain myself. It was fine.

Booooooom · 13/01/2025 18:27

We have done this with youngest ds. He had the choice of running or playing in the park and sometimes chose playing in the park. The park run course goes straight past the park and its two laps, so at the most he'd be out of sight for 10 mins.

The key is - was she happy? If not, they shouldn't leave her.

littleluncheon · 13/01/2025 18:27

If you're not comfortable doing this, then don't - but if their wants to then there's nothing wrong with it.
Just a difference in parenting choices.

Blue278 · 13/01/2025 18:26

She wasn’t dumped FFS. Half an hour and seeing her family jogging past twice in that time.

AyrnotAir · 13/01/2025 18:25

Wouldn't bother me if they were circulating the play park to be honest.

RichardOsmansfondueset · 13/01/2025 18:25

Screamingabdabz · 13/01/2025 17:49

No it’s not okay and YANBU. Yes, she’d probably be fine, but probably would not be good enough odds for me in a strange unfamiliar open place.

I agree, I wouldn't like this either. Unfamiliar area with no one else around they know. YANBU

steff13 · 13/01/2025 18:25

You're allowed to not think it's ok, but he's allowed to make judgment calls like this on his parenting time.

Nanny0gg · 13/01/2025 18:24

Blue278 · 13/01/2025 18:23

Sounds like a lovely healthy way to spend time with the girls.

He spent time with one girl

The other was dumped in a strange park in a strange city on her own.

That doesn't make him Parent of the Year in my book

AnotherDelphinium · 13/01/2025 18:24

YABU. Even if it was a single lap they’d have occasional sight of the playground and could get an immediate feel if there was an emergency etc.

She could have run with them, so I imagine was given the choice and she chose to stay in the playground.

I think you need to work out how you’re going to foster independence in your time, and ensure you’re not encouraging a codependency.

Nanny0gg · 13/01/2025 18:23

FabuIous · 13/01/2025 18:19

They go with friends. The alone part is the problem, for me.

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Usually in an area they grew up in, so actually know.

Blue278 · 13/01/2025 18:23

Sounds like a lovely healthy way to spend time with the girls.

Natsku · 13/01/2025 18:23

Was your DD ok with it? If she felt uncomfortable with it then that's an issue, otherwise its fine.

Nanny0gg · 13/01/2025 18:23

biscuitsandbooks · 13/01/2025 18:19

I would walk home from school alone at that age and often popped into the shop on the way. I'd also walk into town alone to meet a friend, then walk back alone.

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So an area you knew, yes?

Nanny0gg · 13/01/2025 18:22

TwentyTwentyFive · 13/01/2025 16:51

A 10 year old playing in a park for 30 minutes by herself is absolutely fine. Many 10 year olds are going to the park independently at that age.

Not in an unfamiliar park in an unfamiliar city on her own!

She wouldn't know a soul

GretchenWienersHair · 13/01/2025 18:22

biscuitsandbooks · 13/01/2025 18:19

I would walk home from school alone at that age and often popped into the shop on the way. I'd also walk into town alone to meet a friend, then walk back alone.

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That’s not the same as being in an unfamiliar city though.

AlpineSnow · 13/01/2025 18:22

I think it's ok as they could see her for some sections of the run.

LifesTooShortForYourNonsense · 13/01/2025 18:21

I’d be okay with that at home, but not in a strange city, no.

B0xes · 13/01/2025 18:20

biscuitsandbooks · 13/01/2025 18:17

An 11 year old is in secondary school - surely at that age they go and wander around town alone or go to the cinema alone?

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Their own town maybe not an unfamiliar city centre.

Also what if youths appeared and made things uncomfortable or dangerous. I've had to intervene in town centres before because bigger kids were throwing stones at smaller or lone ones.

biscuitsandbooks · 13/01/2025 18:19

FabuIous · 13/01/2025 18:19

They go with friends. The alone part is the problem, for me.

Show quote history

I would walk home from school alone at that age and often popped into the shop on the way. I'd also walk into town alone to meet a friend, then walk back alone.

GretchenWienersHair · 13/01/2025 18:19

If it were a local park or at least one she’s familiar with, I wouldn’t think it was an issue, but being that it’s her first time in this park and she’s not familiar with the city, I wouldn’t be comfortable with that.

FabuIous · 13/01/2025 18:19

biscuitsandbooks · 13/01/2025 18:17

An 11 year old is in secondary school - surely at that age they go and wander around town alone or go to the cinema alone?

Show quote history

They go with friends. The alone part is the problem, for me.

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 13/01/2025 18:18

I think the key here is how did your dd feel about it?

If she was ok with it then I think you are overreacting. If she felt pressured or wasn't happy then you need a conversation with her about speaking up and your ex abiut listening and acknowledging her concerns.

At that age a lot of kids are walking to and from school independently, heading to parks with friends etc so on the surface it's not an unreasonable act by your ex.

NovemberMorn · 13/01/2025 18:18

I can't believe so many think this is fine.
I think it's 100% wrong to leave a child alone in a park, I couldn't care less whether it's a local park or not...kids of 10 need looking after, anything could have happened to her.

biscuitsandbooks · 13/01/2025 18:17

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 13/01/2025 17:59

I would not be happy with either of my kids being left anywhere (except at home) on their own. They are 9 & 11. They would be unhappy and a bit freaked out tbh.
Not worth the risk tbh...

An 11 year old is in secondary school - surely at that age they go and wander around town alone or go to the cinema alone?