To not want to provide free regular childcare?

Polite, clear, no nonsense, friendly. I like it

There seem to be quite alot of people out there who think single parents have nothing else to do but look after other people’s kids!

YANBU

One of my friends is a sahm and gets these requests quite often, which irritates me because the people who do ask are all in couples, working and well able to afford their own childcare. They just don't want to have to pay for holiday clubs etc and/or don't want their precious children going to them. And it's never just for a few hours - my friend is often asked to have other peoples' kids for 10-11 hours! As a single parent I would only ask her to have my children in an emergency / if I was really stuck but she knows she can also ask me if she needs help too.

That really is quite breathtakingly entitled of her!

I’m a bit surprised you’re getting lots of requests, is it normal where you are for friends and family to take on regular childcare for others? I’ve been a SAHM for a long time and haven’t had any requests for something regular, though I’ve provided a fair amount of ad hoc and emergency childcare for friends in need.

I think it’s fine to say “No, I don’t want to do that.” I wouldn’t give reasons or excuses other than that you don’t want to.

If people are heavily hinting often and it’s annoying then ask them straight out “Are you hoping I’ll look after Gary every Tuesday?” And if they say something like “Would you? That would be wonderful.” Snort and say “Not a chance.” The key is to have confidence in your position that you don’t have to do it. That it’s not your job to make their lives easier at your expense. Make it obvious you think the request is absurd and definitely not something you will do or they have any right to expect.

These people are CFs. Don't even give it a second thought, or when they drop hints just say something like "gosh, I wish I could have free childcare too, that would be amazing, but who is gong to do that right? We all know how much effort childcare takes".

I worked full time when my DS was small and it would never occur to me to just assume that anyone would mind him for me. I paid for all his childcare. When he was older he and his friends used to alternate so we could cover things.

You tell them no. You are at home to benefit your own DC not theirs.

Same sort of thing happened with me. Our DDs walked to school together. Friend started work, never asked me and just started sending her child to my house earlier and earlier. After a few days I rang and her teenage son said “mum’s gone to work” I sent the child home (I did make sure she wouldn’t be in the house on her own) The friend never spoke to me again.
To original poster, you may need to be very blunt as I was.

You absolutely shouldn’t and don’t have to because you’re busy enough but I feel I have to correct you on your plethora of options for childcare- everyone around here is full up and booked out/ will only take them from x time/ until x time, doesn’t collect from school/ can’t drop/ collect or drive or wants dates and times set in stone.

To people who don’t need childcare it looks like it’s everywhere but we have to insanely juggle and are lucky to have help sometimes (eg kids not allowed on school grounds until x time, have to be in for work whatever time afterwards which is barely doable and if there’s traffic/ tractors etc about I’ll be late) or finish minutes before school ends, might not make school for pick up. In these not very regular instances people have helped me out and I’ve made sure to help them out by dropping children home/ staying around with them or bringing them over for a play date if parents are working. Op it might be good for you in some cases but obviously you don’t have to and obviously it shouldn’t be a very regular thing

I think this would leave most requests for free childcare dead in the water

I was a SAHM for a bit and a woman at school befriended me, invited me to go for coffee etc - turned out she wanted me to childmind her 6 month old twins when she went back to work! Just say no to the cheeky feckers, you don't have to give any reason other than you don't want to!

The thing is, you'll know when that day arrives who you can ask when you really need a favour. In my experience, it is NEVER these people, who will not be available. It's pretty much always one way traffic.

"No, I don't want too" is my go to answer because well, I don't want too lol

My career is childcare - and everyone knew this; but wouldn't dare ask because that was my go to answer the few times people lol

I was a SAHM for 6 years and I was asked for help only by my actual friends ie/ one of the mums was running late and could I grab her child from the teacher and I'd wait in the playground - but she was actually my friend lol

Just say "No I can't". If you start to give a reason people will try to overcome that reason. So keep it simple.

Sorry op, I accidentally pressed yabu 🤦🏻‍♀️
of course you're not being unreasonable. Just keep saying no until they get the hint. Make an excuse each time sorry I have an appointment I can't, sorry the DC have an appointment, etc.

I had this from a couple of school mums at pick up time, they were not even friends so I had no problem being rude. "I didn't become a SAHM to provide people I barely know with free childcare." They never spoke to me again but seeing as they were only talking to me to ask me to work for them for free, it didn't really bother me. No one else asked, hopefully because they had more manners than those two or because word spread I was a grumpy cow. Feel free to use it.

It staggers me how entitled some people are. We live in a rual area now, my kids have left school but it didn't stop a neighbour asking me to take her friends child into school everyday as she couldn't do it before work, as I didn't have much on during the day. I actually fucking work and even if I didn't, it doesn't mean I want to spend my time and fuel ferrying someone else's kid to school, espcially when they don't even have the manners to introduc themselves to me first!

Aaaaaand breathe.......

OMG id love to !! Unfortunately if my probation officer finds out il be recalled back to prison , my bail conditions don't allow me to be alone with children under the age of 16 that I'm not related to .

I work from home but in the past have had to pay lots for childcare. It's always a very small minority that expect others to cover for them and never reciprocate. You develop a sixth sense for those pushing friendships with your child to facilaite free childcare. Just say no and remind them of the options available

How are they phrasing their requests?

A simple "no thanks" might do it. Unless it's a hint rather than a request?

I'm a bit fed up of dodging the hints and requests.

What are they saying? Just say no and stop talking to people who keep asking-I would literally avoid them!

I don’t understand how this happens often, do people really think you’ll be happy to have their kids on a regular basis? I work but Its never crossed my mind to ask my sahm friends to look after my DCs regularly. The only time one has is when I couldn’t get time off to take my DC to an activity and a friend offered and I was very grateful for that, and I would reciprocate if they needed it regardless of their working or sahm status.

"How good are your sprogs at washing dishes/sorting out tomorrow's lunches/arranging hospital appointments/typing up assignments? Are any of them trained to use Windows while whipping up chilli pasta?"

Seriously, OH, you've got enough of your own plates to spin. Even if you didn't, you wouldn't be under any obligation. As it is, just say No. No explanations, justifications etc, just say no, that doesn't work for me. If they stop talking to you, regard it as a result. They'll stop asking for things you can't/don't want to give.

Of course YANBU. Just say "That wouldn't work for me". Absolutely no reason to give reasons or justification, or apologise! Don't offer re. emergencies as someone suggested - there will be everyday emergencies often, and you will be back in the position of having to say No again before you know it.

"No, I'm studying" end of. And even that's too much of an explanation IMO

What foxton said