AIBU to want to go out twice a week?

We alternate night for doing bedtime anyway. It's entirely unreasonable of you not to expect the same freedom

I could’ve written your post OP! DH and I are the same and I would tend to go out two nights a week and maybe something without DC and DH on the weekend. DH maybe goes out once or twice a month (I too said it would be better for our relationship if he got a hobby he could go to once a week!). I’ve basically had to cut back as DH started getting a bit stroppy - reason being:

Two nights a week I don’t do bedtime or dinner, whenever we are both home, one of us will do bedtime and the other person does dinner. I always let DH choose which he would prefer as I’ve been out BUT it does mean he has dinner or bedtime or both seven nights a week whereas I only have one or the other 5 nights a week. Which when you break it down like that - isn’t really fair! Not sure if it’s the same for you.

why on earth should a stay home parent not be allowed out.

Not bashing SAHMs to suggest that a SAHP of school age children really doesn't work longer hours than everyone else (which is the post I was responding to).

Making statements like this devalues the genuine hard work that SAHPs of pre-school children, and those with children with SEN and makes it less likely that others will take them seriously.

And where did the OP say they were SAHP?

Here we go with the usual SAHP bashing 🙄🙄.

YANBU at all OP. I hate the idea that people are supposed to stop wanting a life or any time for themselves the minute they get married and have kids.

So I go out 2/3 times a week normally (Thursday and Sunday and one other night). I work full time and he is the stay at home parent to a school age child. He is completely happy with this (he does his socialising/gym time during the school day mostly). We actually found it really hard when I didn't go out- as she wouldn't let him put her to bed.... so for us it's much better
I would echo on equal leisure time however (and hubby is more than welcome to go out any other time but rarely does)

I do my hobby one evening a week and generally exercise/socialise once a week. I can’t imagine either DH or I having an issue with this. He tends to socialise less as his job involves a lot of socialising so I make sure he has peace for gaming or going for a run. We both also travel for work (him lots more than me) and have always made sure to support the other one, even though it leaves you flying solo with DC. What is his issue with you having time to have a life?

It's not unreasonable.

I do two evenings and one weekend morning a week. DH might go to the gym once or twice but typically doesn't go out much.

Our kids are older now, but I've been doing this since 2012 (when I was a SAHM incidentally) as its so important to have time every week where I am "Moose" and not just "wife" and "mum".

My DH seldom goes out without me. He doesn't socialise with his colleagues. I, on the other hand do, I'm out at least three times a month with different friends or colleagues. Doesn't bother him, at least he's not said so. He needs a hobby.

Op assuming these two nights aren't like Friday and Saturday nights coming home half canned and not getting up to midday the next day then your not doing anything wrong.
It's not unusual for people to have two nights - really meaning an hour or so - at the gym or hobby groups or one night socialising and one night at a hobby group.

If they were both weekend nights I can understand why he'd be feeling fed-up

The child is almost 6 so, if they're in the UK, will have been to school for 1.5 years. Other countries will vary!

Where did anyone mention school age children?

Eh?

They'd be giving up two evenings to solo parent their child. If it's that hard to solo parent a child you made for two evenings, then the SAHP who does it FT is due some free time each week.

Just because you Work outside the home wouldn't mean someone SAHP to a child at home all week isn't working hard too.

As long as he gets 2 nights to himself a week, even if he chooses to stay in, then it's fine.

Definitely let him know you don't mind - he will feel all the better not just for the exercise but also for giving himself a bit of breathing space and a change of scene.

I don't think pretending that SAHPs of school age children work incredibly long hours is particularly helpful to anyone.

Nobody works longer hours than a SAHP, especially if that person is also the main carer, doing night feeds and wakings, early mornings, the evening routine, the one that the child always want to cling to, etc. etc.

OP says she and DH do an even split, in which case this doesn't apply.

OP - on his two 'free' nights, you need to make sure you do everything with the children and house as if he was out, even though he is on the sofa.
Apart from that, YANBU.

I think it's just one of those unfortunate situations where of course you're not doing anything wrong at all going out 2 nights a week, but your DP just doesn't want to do the same and therefore feels hard-done-by because he'd rather just be sat at home with you.

I'd crack on with your 2 nights out and just remind him that he has the option to go out himself, even though it seems like he won't.

Oh when I was a SAHP I still went out at least once a week.