Kid being gossiped about by mums.

"Might" have ADHD - although 5 is too young to tell, near me they won't even assess until 7. Either way, it is really unhelpful to translate a report of bad behaviour into presumed ADHD as it stigmatises a serious condition as "naughty kid syndrome". My child has ADHD and was not turning the air blue in Reception.

I would disagree with the child being excluded, his parents need to be called in and told to deal with it
Is the gossiping mother planning on getting all small badly behaved children who are just learning how to behave excluded, she sounds like she has too much time on her hands, in school kids are going to associate with some very well behaved kids and some not very well behaved ones, it’s life

I dont see how gossiping helps the child, and why the mum, keeps talking about it if she is not doing anything about it. So in that sense, it is toxic and the gossip only serves the woman to feel good about her sanctimonious self or worse, to get other mums to shun this child. This isn’t the child’s fault at 5 years old. He is just repeating what he heard, thinking it is cool. Maybe no-one has warned him.
It is not nice to be gossiping about a 5 year old and shows bad character.

Did you ask the woman what she did about it? Talk to the teacher, talk to the parents, talk to the child? If nothing, I would point it out that she can take some corrective action, and if she cant, the only thing the woman can do is to distance herself or her child from the sweary kid. If you are ok to be involved, I would proceed with, " I can talk to the teacher saying you told me.....” and see what she says.

@motheroffour1980 I loathe hearing parents swear in front of their children and children swearing, but I've voted YANBU because I think the correct course of action for this mother would have been to report it to the school, but not gossip about it to other mums. The reason for this is because, the school would no doubt be aware if there are any behavioural/learning issues with the child and would be able to reassure this mum that the problem was known about and they were working on it with the boy's parent(s). Also, as you say, isolating this boy won't help - attending play dates and children's parties in other homes will help him learn how to socialise politely (other parents may gently reprimand him about his language where his parent(s) are clearly struggling to do so).

I have to ask though OP, you've written in various posts:

"Bear in mind he’s a great kid, has a tonne of energy."
"I’m not sure the level, but I know that it’s just cursing and not picking on anyone. He seems to be nice to everyone otherwise."
"..... however in this case his is more casual swearing. He’s not targeting anyone or being mean."
"None of that happened though and I would not tolerate that."

How do you know all of this about this boy's everyday behaviour? Is he a close friend of your son's? Has he cursed in front of your son or you? If so, have you reprimanded him about it and explained why he shouldn't do it?

I agree OP. She sounds awful, as do the people defending her on this thread. Poor kid.

How do you think you, and the other mums, could improve this boy's behaviour? You could invite him to play dates with your child and correct his swearing but, if he hears these words regularly at home, it's not going to make much difference.

I agree gossip, particularly about children, is unpleasant. However, if you don't challenge it as it happens you're kinda encouraging it. When you hear talk about this boy you could say "He seems a nice boy apart from the language" but other parents are probably still not going to want him around their 5 year olds.

But Devilspawn hasn’t started a thread smearing and gossiping- Can’t you see the hypocrisy of your post?

Keep your nose out of it
Unless cussing kid is actually YOUR child…

There is something not quite right about this. How does this mother know the little boy is swearing everyday?
By her own admission her daughter isn’t bothered so it seems most unlikely to me that she would come out of school each day and comment about him swearing
I’m with OP here it was totally wrong of this mum to go gossiping to other mums about the little lad in question. If she was so concerned about it then a quiet word with his mum (if she was brave enough) and the teacher who surely would be aware anyway if it was such a common occurrence would have been enough
The consequences of her badmouthing him are plain to see - there are plenty of mums who post on here sad about their children not being invited to parties or play dates and I’ve never seen amongst the suggestions that this could perhaps be as a result of parental gossip which may not even be true.
i might not feel as much sympathy for the child if I heard him effing and blinding with my own ears but to exclude him from invitations purely on the basis of what could be unreliable hearsay seems very wrong to me.

OP, you come across as though you like drama. You seem to be looking for it. I think the problem might be with you, not the other mum.

I agree with you OP.
It should have been dealt with between the parents and the teachers.
Sure it’s awful for a 5 year old to be swearing and I’d raise it with school and tbh, avoid my dc playing with them, i can but it’s just nasty gossip going around the playground and spreading this around.

An anonymous forum, which exists to support parents and advise them in navigating tricky situations surrounding parenting.

This is the key distinction being missed here.

How is chewing the fat on a public forum 'standing up for the child'?

I wouldn't be expecting anyone to stand up for my child except me, but the OP is adamant that it's not her child, so...

I certainly don't have enough time to be overthinking this much about a stranger's child who I don't know either.

I'm with you here. Who wants to demonise a five year old? I might have a private word with the class teacher. We had a different but related situation, years ago, with a very sweary mum. She was known for it and otherwise a good person. When DS came home saying that one of his friends wasn't allowed out because SM had 'sworn at him' - she hadn't. It was just her normal mode of speech - I managed to explain the difference between swearing at and just habitually using swear words in the course of conversation. Not a good idea, and not something he should copy, but not a hanging offence either. DS accepted it and found it quite interesting!

Probably as she is enjoying smearing the mother who doesn’t like the swearing, by posing as “ Concerned for the sweary kid”

To suggest that the cussing 🤬 boy will be excluded is ludicrous.

Kids aren’t excluded for cussing, but one wonders what his home life is like.

by 'bullies' you mean people disagreeing with the OP?

Who is literally gossiping on a public forum against another mum she's accusing of "gossiping"😂😂

Playground drama at its best.

It’s really none of my business and I don’t appreciate being dragged into a conversation about it.
Now here’s the thing. I asked her how her daughter felt about it, and she fumbled an answer that her daughter was fine.

• don’t want to talk about it
• ……proceeds to ask probing question to the gossip monger

Okay OP

OP, you’ve broken the golden rule of Mumsnet; never bring up bullying on this site unless you want to attract a bunch of bullies.

They always show up to defend their own.

He’s probably picking up the language from home, that’s the problem, kids just repeat what they hear

I do think the mum is being a bit nasty by continually saying it, he is a child!

But according to @motheroffour1980 if you’re 5 jewels says he or she is fine with the kid cursing then you don’t need to do anything, your child decides lol.

You must be mad if you think people aren’t going to conclude from this that it’s your kid. Cos otherwise, frankly, you’re just as bad as the “gossip” mum giving it this much attention. And you know an awful lot about him being a good kid but potentially ADHD when your kid only started recently….?

Do me a favour…. You asked the Mum how her daughter felt being sworn at/infront of? If you disagreed with the gossip you would have shut it down rather than try and gleans this info!?

And she “mumbled” in reply, despite thriving on gossip?!

Unless, of course, this was you talking to the mum ahout your own kid….

Come clean OP; it’s fine! Just apologise, stop swearing at home and he will fade it out too ;) x