Kid being gossiped about by mums.

Gossip is toxic especially when this kid isn't there to defend himself but I do agree with this bit. If someone warns the kid that people might not want to be his friend if he keeps doing this it will help him change so he won't end up isolated and bullied.

After years of Primary schools with my kids, I still stand by what I believe: I'd stay well away from all the drama. It means staying well away from you 😂

Should I talk to the teacher about her? Are there guidelines for parents gossiping about kids, and getting overly involved, does anyone know?
Is that even a question?

Don't you think the teachers are better things to do and are busy enough dealing with your.. CHILD, which should be the priority. What do you want the poor teacher to do? Mrs XYZ, MRS ABC is complaining about you, please be nice? 😂

No, there's no guidelines, just be a grown up.

There's always someone over-involved. The other mum is talking, let her talk. It seems she's being factual. It's not a secret and she's not breaking any confidentiality, any child in the class will report the bad language to their parents.

I wouldn't invite a swearing boy to my kids parties either. Judge away, I couldn't care less.

What a nasty bully. An adult, picking on a child; how cowardly. I bet the other parents mostly feel the same way as you but probably just want to keep out of it. If she mentions it to you again, I would laugh and ask her why she is so obsessed with this. She should be ashamed of herself.

I would probably invite the boy to a play date, perhaps with a couple of others and afterwards, I would make sure I tell everyone who will listen what a great kid he is.

Point of order: Tourette['s] Syndrome is a disorder involving mostly involuntary tics. I had a colleague with a mild form of it — if you sat across from him in a meeting you would start to notice little twitches and an occasional noise similar to clearing one's throat slightly.

Despite the popular portrayal of Tourette's, most people with it do not shout obscenities uncontrollably ("coprolalia"). And if a child of 5 was to have it, the school would have contacted the parents very quickly because it would be hugely disruptive in class, and the OP would probably not be reporting that they were happy in class and making friends.

So the behaviour being described here is presumably a child with a few Fs and Cs in their vocabulary. That's not great, but it does sound like the woman who is briefing all the other parents about it needs to find another hobby.

I'd upvote this comment x20 if I could.I was going to write precisely this, but you have already done so for me. 'Caustic' is absolutely the right word for adults gossiping about children.

OP, your feelings toward this are right, IMO, but involving yourself won't lead anywhere good and will just inflame the situation further. I would always ask myself what the desired end result would be if I confronted the person concerned or involved the school. I can't see how this would help in this occasion. I'd not involve myself further at all in your shoes, but would certainly ask any other parents who approached me about it not to discuss another child with me.

All very distasteful.

Just stay out of it. She's informed the teacher, they will be dealing with it. No need for you to get involved at all.

I think you're right. It's very likely that this child has sworn maybe once or twice and it's all been blown out of proportion.

It's also very likely that the mum hasn't personally heard the boy curse, the allegation came from the daughter. At five years old, kids say all sorts of things. My DD in reception keeps recalling the same story over and over like it's happened that day.

100% a smear campaign.

It’s a concept known in some circles as “caring about the wellbeing of a child.”

I'm the sort of person who'd challenge someone gently on this. I do it when friends moan about 'that kid' in their own situations. But it will cause problems if the lady in question is ' queen bee' and you want to be part of her gang. ( Yes it's just like school for the grown ups).

In this situation, I wouldn't like this woman. I would say, ' I'm sure he'll grow out of it and the school will be dealing with this. I think we need to remember that he is 5 and we don't know what's going on. Must be tough for his mum '

The person in question,being a child herself in an adult body, wouldn't like being held accountable so might start being unpleasant to you if you did that. You have many years of school and it would be easier to keep out of it.

Just don't gossip and don't engage in any talk of it and then you are in your own way upholding your values on it.

Because you didn't say that. Your entire OP was about this one particular woman. It's not clear from what you say whether other parents are talking about it purely in a 'Don't start Donna off about X and swearing' way or whether they share her outrage or are threatening to show up at his house with pitchforks or something.

I wouldn't give it another thought. The best thing you can do all round is not give it any oxygen. 'I'm going to stop you there, Donna. How was your weekend?' or 'Not this again. Did you see Traitors last night?'

It's a tricky one. I agree that she shouldn't be gossiping about a child. But in many ways I'd appreciate knowing as I wouldn't allow my child to socialise outside of school with a five year old that swears as to me that is indicative of poor parenting. A child that age shouldn't have heard swearing (except I guess overheard in the bus or whatever) so the fact they've heard it enough to copy it would mean I wouldn't trust those parents with my child.

If there’s any sanctimonious halo polishing going on it’s by you, not the grumpy mum. You’ve posted to get people to praise your saintly fair mindedness. It’s very silly.

OP you sound very upset and disproportionately angry over a seemingly non issue. I think taking a step back would help here instead of wanting to argue with people who don’t agree with you.

Also, you kinda lose the argument with me when you resort to passive aggressive comments.

Wow people are so upset about words - it’s the intent behind them that is the key thing. If someone is telling a story and uses the f word in a sentence it doesn’t bother me (it may even enhance the narrative) it’s just a word, or if they jokingly said f u I will likely laugh, but if someone uses curse words in an aggressive, threatening or condescending way then I am offended - it’s about context and tone. I do not get offended by words only the manner in which they are used and the intent behind them.

A five year old is likely just mimicking and doesn’t understand that they are in a country that deems cursing the worst possible sin. I wouldn’t ban my child from playing with a curser but I would mention it to the parents and correct the child when he/she is playing at my house. My three year old spent a week trying to say “For F’s sake” after she heard her dad saying it and was so pleased when she managed to pronounce it - we had a good few days of trying to encourage her to stop which make her say it more as it was fun to say something that gets people annoyed so eventually we just ignored her and it stopped.

17 years ago I was in a house share where a girl was so offended by people using curse words that she wanted to introduce a swear jar - this same girl would fly into a rage and violently throw things at her partner in an almost daily basis - someone saying “bloody hell” was apparently offensive but throwing shoes at people’s heads was okay. They’ve gone on ti have kids and I would be a lot more worried about her kids now then my other housemate’s who used colourful language.

Would you want someone to stand up for your child if they were the one being isolated?

Stay away from her OP, sounds like she loves to gossip so who knows who she will target next. Must have a boring life to be stuck picking on a 5 year old for weeks.

I'm also struggling to understand why the OP is so deeply invested in this and spending so much time and brain space on it.

I agree OP. Adults should not gossip nastily about young children or group together to isolate them, whatever their behaviour. Bad behaviour should be reported to the parents if outside school (in a matter-of-fact, not a nasty way) and the school if it happens within school.

I must admit to admiring the sang-froid of one mum at a school party who said to another one "I just thought I should let you know that your son has now hit mine for the third time. The first, his hand could have slipped, the second, well my son was being rather annoying. But my son has now got hold of a piece of wood and I think is contemplating whacking yours over the head. Shall we go and intervene? Glass of prosecco for the road?" 😂.

@motheroffour1980 You have got deeply involved in this and have made it public on a worldwide forum.

You patently are “ Throwing shade” as well , and gossiping.

Stay out of it.

Tbh I think it sounds like you are the “sanctimonious mum”.

No, you now seem to be picking and choosing 'acceptable' swear words?

And you say 'none of it happened' but how do you know every swear word this boy has been using in school?

People communicate. If there is a child who swears frequently, or bites, or shoves, or (as they get older) bullies or starts showing other inappropriate behaviour, then people will talk about it.

If you are posting about a genuine situation, don't worry - people will be talking about something else soon enough. If you are a troll, I think you are overdoing it and your thread will go better if you dial it back 50%.

If you read the OP, there's no evidence of this mother 'gossiping' at all.

She's complaining about a 5 year old with a potty mouth.

But the OP's posts have been pretty hyperbolic on this thread, so I'm not surprised she's turned 'complaining' into 'gossiping' 🤷‍♂️