Backstory; DH siblings & family moved abroad after kids... to another continent. They visited every year and every year we had them stay. Sometimes for weeks, usually over special family occasions/holidays. They would be very welcoming to us if the tables were turned, but the event of us travelling there is extremely rare-has only happened once and is unlikely to happen again. I always felt obliged to say yes they could stay as a pushover newly wed/young mum in the face of older stronger personalities; they don't ask DH, they contact me. They would I found it VERY difficult & intrusive having them here despite getting on well with them in general; I am a quiet, very private, routine orientated person. I like 1-1/small dinners when I socialise. They are v sociable & love big get-togethers & would have friends call, arrange family reunions etc; they are very full-on people who talk A. Lot. Also-DH works away a lot and this place has to function like a well oiled machine-having ppl here does not help-it makes it more difficult!!
We have 4 DC of our own. Two of whom we now know are ND; were difficult babies/toddlers and much worse with this disruption-now recognising the ND I completely understand why!!
With travel restrictions during covid, the visiting ceased, I breathed a sigh of relief and vowed to be strong and say no in the future. And I did, last year explaining that with the ages our DC are at, it's just not fair to have anyone stay for long periods. Ok for a night or two, (but saying yes even for one night inevitably ended up being longer term stays). I hoped that would be the end of it and that they'd sort their own accommodation in future -they lived here for years, have many friends they've stayed in contact with, whose kids are adults & have moved out. However, I've had the 'can we chat' message about their visit this year and am steeling myself for the inevitable 'please don't feel obliged to say yes, but....' call. I am a lifelong people pleaser who's recognising I am probably ND and fed up masking and ignoring how I feel. I used to make myself tolerate it, as I felt that DH needed this time with them; but the reality is-he travels with work & chooses to be away to avoid them. I'm in contact with them WAY more than he is. So; AIBU to stick to my guns and say no? Or should I make the effort and let them stay...