Puppy Overwhelm - AIBU in partially regretting getting one

It can certainly feel overwhelming. I have been very lucky since my dogs have all been quite easy puppies. But the constant vigilance at first can be exhausting.

I agree with the recommendation of PPs to join the puppy survival threads on the Doghouse. I really enjoyed those threads a few years ago and still sometimes lurk on them now, though my dog is 3 years old. Also as others have said, you will probably end up forgetting the negatives. I recently saw a post from someone who had been on the puppy survival threads at the same time I was. She declared proudly that her dog had never chewed anything he wasn't supposed to, not even as a teething puppy. It made me smile, because I vividly remember the same person writing about her puppy destroying several remote controls. She had obviously forgotten all about that. 😃

The first weeks are relentless. This too will pass. Remember that, the last time you went through this you were younger, didn’t have DC so the whole dynamic has changed. We got DDog4 when DDog3 was almost 4. It was much easier than the 13 year puppy gap we had when we got DDog3 after DDog2 had died. DDog2 was much harder than DDog1 was 13 years before that. Lickimats and scatter feeding might help burn up some mental energy.

Oh I remember how hard the puppy days are. I would take my DC as a newborn again over having a puppy.
Our dog was a hard puppy. She cried all night unless she slept with us. She went through an ankle biting stage so bad that one day she spent 2 hours straight going for my trouser leg. I clearly remember breaking down crying as nothing was distracting her. Eventually, I had to just put her out of the room (which was against the advice I read online) and I poured myself a large glass of wine while I cried.
She's now 4 years old and a very good little dog (other than barking at anyone who cares come intothe front garden and stealing DR'S soothers if we're not looking)

I love the puppy stage. I'm sad that I'll probably never have another puppy. I'd love to be a puppy raiser for guide dogs or similar but I'm not sure I could cope with giving them up.

You are def right about this time of year being rubbish for Dpuppies and all their malarkey!
Ddog came home with us at the beginning of the October and it was no fun standing in the cold and dark at stupid-o’clock hissing ‘go pee-pee, go pee-pee” and the soaking wet rainy walks that must be done or the fur-tornado will complete a one-dog destruction of your home in retaliation! They have to be walked and socialised no matter what, and it’s no bloody fun in the winter!

Oh goodness yes

I regretted the first one deeply for the first 3 months. He was dreadful and I don't do 5 am starts. It was like having a toddler around again. He needed constant supervision every minute he was awake.

3 years later I did it again. This was even worse. She was a little demon and I had real regrets. Again by 5 months things were a lot better.

It's good to remind myself of this as I was considering a third....

Another who regretted it so much but aged two and a half, my only words to anyone are what a lovely legend he is. Easy peasy puppy Squeezy book is always my recommendation and teaching them to pick up a toy every time they ‘mouth’ (no such thing, our cs bit. Properly bit!!!

Completely normal, hang on in there!

12 months in with my golden, who is now 14 months. He is still a dickhead, but not quite as much of a dickhead as he was, lead pulling and cushion stealing aside 😝

I am told they calm down properly around 2-3…!

Anyway OP, it does get easier. I was you this time last year - I remembered the puppy days being difficult, but not THAT difficult.

Each week though things improve - toilet training, sleep, communication and training, and you realise looking back that life is a lot easier than it was the previous week! So hang in there, it’ll be a distant memory soon…

Having a pup is exhausting.

My last dog was a rescue at under a year old that was underweight, had been kept outside all the time, and other issues. I was really lucky I wasn't working then because he had to go out every two hours in the day and there was a lot of training involved. But we had a happy outcome. :)

@bubbaflash , DDog 1 (now 10) nearly broke me, and I swore "never again."

Seven years later we got DDog 2 (now 3), and it was TOUGH, because DDog 1 was, by then, just part of our routine. DH seemed to completely forget what an utter shit DDog 1 was until he was at least five! It's like giving birth, you're programmed to forget the bad parts, but it is SO worth it. This is a rubbish bit of the year to be doing puppy stuff, but think how much fun spring and summer will be.

What sort of dog is it?

A Working Spaniel is obviously different from a Pug.

I have always found that socialising immediately is a game changer. Don't worry too much about vaccination status, just be sensible. If you accept that your carpet will get ruined, furniture chewed, car seats ripped up, it makes things a lot easier. And puppies are dickheads, remember that, they will pee on the couch just for a laugh, refuse to come when called just to see what you'll do about it. First six months is mostly about keeping them alive, next six months is about training them so they stay that way.

It will get better.

Lol mine has just turned a year old and he's still crazy hard work. It depends on the personality of the puppy.

Gosh I must have been lucky with my two puppies. I only had adult rescue dogs before but we got a pup when my youngest started school. We crate trained him and had a good set up as the large kitchen and family room had slate tiles floors. He didn't go upstairs. I just don't remember it being difficult.
Then we got another when he was two and again just do not remember it being hard.
I am quite good at imposing routine though. I'm now debating another dog as my old boy was pts at 15 in September. My other one is 13 and I'm wondering if she'd accept another dog! I'll probably wait.

You're so similar to me @Nannyfannybanny , almost 50 years of dogs in my case, always the same breed (PMD), we've had two together, three together. We've never crated, they've all been free-range, but it hasn't really been a problem, despite having a breed with a reputation for being stubborn and difficult...Lost our previous dog unexpectedly so current pup is an only, but we hope to get her a companion (same breed) next year. She's 9 months old, calm, contented and beautiful.

I never felt like this. I remember everything about having puppies, I remember everything about giving birth too, and my oldest DD is 54.. we've always had 2 dogs,used to be 3. I also had 4 DKs,lots of other animals. We've mostly had border collies so not the easiest of dogs. We lost our little toy he was almost 18,did try rescuing,too many issues, thought long and hard about getting a puppy,6 months overall. She's 17 months now. I wasn't going to crate, I worked nights for over 30 years,so I elected to do the night shift, outside at 12,2 and up at 5.30, 3 weeks in, got COVID for the first time ever. Was so ill, if I can survive that, I can cope with anything.

YANBU to have moments of regret. It can be so difficult when they're young! Just keep reminding yourself that it's temporary and find somewhere to commiserate with others in the same boat. As you know, they eventually grow out of the puppy stage, and then it's all worth it.

@Starlight1984 Indeed – and our puppy is a rescue so we got the best (worst?!) of both worlds!

Its like when you give birth. You forget about the pain and stress. Otherwise you'd never get another one.

We got a puppy after losing a 15 year old dog. Similar time of year.
Please remember that you are 15 years older! You have been used to an old probably slow dog. You were used to their habits and their ways.
Then in comes a thunderbolt of a puppy who has had to adjust from being taken from mum. Add to that it's cold and dark and you can't even go for a walk yet so that's hard too.
I went through this 3 years ago. My thunderbolt of a puppy went through all the different stages that you totally forget about when you've had an old dog.... and he's now fast asleep on the sofa.

It's amazing how the brain tricks you into forgetting all the guff. I would have sworn blind that my pup was an angel and slept right through the night from day 1, but when I look back in my diary I can see that was not the case. The hard work stage will pass. Wait till the puppy is asleep and sniff his/her tummy and you will feel much better. Good luck to you.

Puppy Blues exist for a good reason. It is like having a baby again. Hang in there. The first couple of months are hell. It is also a grim time of year and it makes house training, etc much harder (got my first dog in the summer and DDog2 at the end of Nov).

I agree with you re rescue dogs (I am a huge advocate for 'adopt don't shop'!).

We have two dogs. One we got as a puppy (we didn't actually buy him, he was part of an accidental litter and the owner just wanted them to go to good homes) and another who is a rescue.

Both were equally hard to deal with in the early stages!!!

Yes puppies are hard work and require a lot of time, training and supervision. But rescues come with their own problems too which you also have to try sort out in those first months (with absolutely no knowledge of their background!).

Ours was (and still is) hugely reactive. On the first walk with him I thought there is no way I can do this! But with time and effort, we're getting there.

Both have their challenges but also, both are equally as rewarding when you get it right!

Puppies do a number on your brain and hormones as well as your sleep (top tip... have the puppy sleep with you. The old guff about this causing behaviour problems or meaning they will always sleep with you is just that, total guff. It will mean you never come down to a mess, never listen to a puppy crying and you and the puppy get loads more sleep which makes all else much easier to handle)...

Puppies cause us to produce oxytocin, but also because its a change to our routine and its hard work, cortisol and the combination is horrible and will make you feel very crappy indeed, tearful, easily stressed, hard to sleep etc etc.

That will go away with time, and getting more/better sleep will really help.

Puppies do not cope alone at all well and again that is normal - build security (being there, avoiding distress) and confidence (all the normal training, games, socialisation/habituation) and thats your foundation for a puppy who can learn independence and be left when the time is right for them. Not coping with being alone/being left now does not indicate a behaviour problem in the future!

Puppy development and treating/avoiding separation anxiety is my day-job, I could wang on and on (and on and on), I highly recommend joining any sort of supportive thread, also there are useful FB groups (Dog Training Advice and Support which is free, and its offshoot premium sub groups, there are some specific puppy ones).

There is also the ZigZag Puppy Training app, which takes you step by step through lessons, at your puppies pace and provides access to a qualified trainer/behaviourist 24/7 (subscription, not sure if its monthly or annual) and a huge library of articles/information too.