To really hate phone calls

I'm the same. I've no idea why. I put off making them for far too long, sometimes to my detriment.
It's not a confidence thing as I'd have little or no problem standing up in front of a large group of people and speaking (I've had to do this many times). I'm articulate, well educated and professional but I'd be happy if I never had to speak on the phone again.

This is the main reason I hate phonecalls, you are put on the spot, i feel it to be slightly intrusive, and yes! Similar to if someone just "knocked on my door" out of the blue. IMO and in my experience. Like when someone calls because they are in a traffic jam! "Oh ill just call so an so yo fill up the time" like you're not busy or your time isn't as important as there's!.

How is it false?!

I get you 100%.

You're not afraid of the phone, you're just trying to deal with a family who can't take "stop phoning me I'm busy", for an answer.

I hate phone calls too. Face to face I'm fine, also text and WhatsApp etc. It just seems false, making conversation on the phone.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

People are avoidant now. That doesn't help ANYONE. If using the phone induces anxiety, then you practice using it until it does not. It seems people want to stay in their own little bubbles forever, and that's not only incredibly unhealthy, it's also really ignorant.

I hate talking on the phone. I ca. do it but hate it. If I can book online or send a message, I will. I'm not a talker in general.

My heart sank when someone said recently they would call me about something rather than email!!

When I was growing up (1970s) not everyone had a landline phone at home, and of course, this was decades before mobiles, texts, emails or the internet existed. You couldn’t just get a landline when you wanted one, either- it all had to be done through BT who used to take months to supply one, and they cost a lot.

So the ability to make a phone call was very much valued by many people, probably particularly the younger generation…people of my grandparents age were never really comfortable on phones as they’d grown up without them. I still remember a house move when I was about 15, where the new house had an ‘extension’ (second phone) and how marvellous that was, because you had a bit more privacy to make a call. Typically where there was one phone in the house it would be in the entrance hall and you had no privacy at all. Then lived in student accommodation and very grotty shared houses for a few years - which didn’t have landlines. That was quite hard.

So I still love phone calls, for me they’re best way to keep in touch with friends when it’s not feasible to meet, although texts are also useful for touching base when you don’t have time to talk. I realise that, now that people have so many other means of communication they may miss out on practise in using the phone, and like all talking, it is a skill that has to be learnt through practice. I’m encountering the discomfort with phones in the younger generation of my family so I think it’s a social change that is happening.

People who are in the Baby Boomer and GenX demographics will have grown up using telephones, the old rotary ones and buttons press ones. When the internet grew and grew, people emailed and used stuff like MSN/Yahoo/ICQ/SIM etc to chat, and that's how we talked to people all over the world. You could make voice calls and camcalls using Yahoo to save money on international calls, but eventually people just drifted away from them and preferred text communication. When smartphones appeared, we could text people easily and my guess is that had a big effect, especially if you were born a late Millennial/Early GenZ, so not NEEDING to use a phone to communicate meant less and less people wanting to I suppose.

For me it's important to me to hear the voice of someone I care about. If I have to deal with a complex issue outside of that, I'd rather use a phone. Emails are great for paper trails especially if you're dealing with a contractor for example, but phone calls are very much still important.

Yes, no issue with it, and mobile phones only became a thing in my late teens and even then it was 10p a text but free on the landlines after 6pm!

If it's the most convenient way to get something done, I'd rather phone. If I need a paper trail, I won't.

If it's a long-distance friend calling for a catch up, we normally plan that time in advance as we're quite busy, but then talk for a good hour. If a friend/family member calls and it's a good time to chat, I'll answer and, if not, I'll call them back when I'm free.

I much prefer a catch up over the phone and loathe sending multiple text messages. It doesn't feel like quality time or engagement.

Most of my friends of a similar age are happy to chat on the phone, but I do notice my younger friends aren't. I'm not sure why, it can't just be down to mobile phones as it's not a massive age gap.

If you only answer the door to family and friends, how do you know what the stranger is there for? They may not be selling something, they may be there for something important.

I find the phone ringing stressful. I never answer if the number is not one of my contacts, I never answer during work hours and in the evening I only answer if it's certain people.
Just text me!

I think the stress around it is because there are so many ways of communicating nowadays. Work email, personal email, chat, whatsapp, landline, texts . . . I just can't handle an actual call when I'm spending all day on various bloody comms for work.

Communication overload!

I hate phone calls too and will avoid them if necessary. I used to answer the phone at work all the time, but I do generally think it's down to these days social media and texting is quicker and faster and we've got into the habit. For myself as well as suffering really bad anxiety, phone calls to me make me think of bad situations. The last time my uncle phoned me a few years ago I knew what he was going to say, my dad passed away. That feeling of dread upon answering the phone, I'll never forget.

I'm happy enough to answer the phone to the school or the doctors for something important, but I will avoid phone calls at all costs because it just feels scary and overwhelming. Text me and I'll reply straight away.

I will answer the phone but it's not my preferred way of communicating. If I don't have a pen to make notes I'll often forget what's been said. Also in the past my ex has used calls to bully me, as there is nothing written down I can keep as evidence.

I used to work in a call centre and take over 100 calls a day. A few of those would always be what I called 'screamers' - people absolutely fuming, shouting or swearing at you. When I left a weight lifted off me.

DH is under different teams (csncer) and he gets appointments via all methods of communication. He often gets a phone call to confirm that he is attending an appointment. This is after a letter has been sent.

Interesting. I get my hospital appointments by NHS app. It works for me.

I am quite happy answering the door and talking to people face to face. I occasionally talk to people on the phone it's just not my preferred option in most cases. I'm not in an 'Internet bubble' and it hasn't affected my life particularly.

My job (teacher) involved constant face to face interaction and only occasional phone calls. Since retiring I have had volunteer roles involving personal interaction. It's just the faceless voice on the phone I don't particularly like, I prefer time to think if it's 'business' and never know when to finish or what to say when there's a long pause (talking to my sister). I think I'm old enough to know what I like and able to make choices. I'm not scared of the phone.

@RampantIvy indeed. I work in a (private) clinic where we, due to fast turn around times - especially for NHS patients subcontracted to us, often have to phone people to offer them an appointment 2 days hence. All but nobody will answer an unknown number.

We just return such requests to the NHS so the patient can get their scan in 6 weeks' time in the back of a tatty van in a car park instead of our all singing, all dancing private-facility one, in 2 days' time 🤭

Yep, same also.

Despite being like a PP and growing up with a landline and it being a central part of my first 'proper' job (having to answer calls from the public about their tax! so not exactly a walk in the park)

That's all very well while you are healthy, but when you are unwell and having ongoing appointments or treatment you will find that GP surgeries and hospitals always have withheld numbers.

This is all down to the internet.

We have become so used to tightly curating our lives, one's lived more and more online, that the idea of an unexpected intrusion, something not 100% on our own terms, terrifies us.

These are the ones who don't answer a doorbell, either, people who regard any challenge upon themselves as causing 'anxiety', thus must be kept at bay at all costs. To date, it has been becoming increasingly possible to live your life in your safe, curated bubble, where 'not answering a phone' becomes a 'reasonable adjustment' at work, and so forth.

However, the long march of history suggests that those who survive and prosper in changing worlds are resilient, curious, open and adaptable. We need to be fostering these qualities.