Breakfast in bed..teens

@RhaenysRocks Thanks for starting this thread. Tried it with 15yo ds and it’s been transformational. His older sister is most unimpressed with our parenting 😆

When my 9 daughter was 9 she became very ill and was diagnosed with a painful chronic medical condition. Mornings were very difficult and she also needed to eat before taking medication. I took her breakfast in bed for 2 years until her medical condition was under better control. She now comes downstairs for breakfast but I am sore she will look back and appreciate feeling cared for.

It’s not a ‘Kids these days’ issue. I’m 60. When I was a teen we all had to be out - sister to college, mum and dad to work, me to school. I am not now and was not then a morning person. It was more harmonious for everyone if I didn’t cause havoc. My mum used to make my tea and toast, put it half way up the stairs and call me. I’d get it and finish getting ready while I ate it. By then I was fit to speak to other humans. All other meals were taken together at the table and I never expected otherwise.

I take mine a cup of tea and some toast first thing, ask how they slept, make sure they're alright, it's just nice. I've never had to shout or get stressed at them and they come down, fed clean and ready to leave. I think scrambling out of bed last minute without breakfast, feeling gnarly must be so chaotic

Wow and the teens fire up when?

I didn't do this but I think it's fine. As long as they're clear that you're doing it as an act of kindness to help them, and not because it's your "job" to serve them, I think it's great to do whatever works for you and your family. There is nothing wrong with doing nice things for your kids and it won't automatically turn them into spoilt brats.

My kids aren't allowed food in their rooms due to mice. We had a little family living in our sofa a few years ago due to crumbs being dropped and not being able to reach them with the hoover (the crumbs not the mice)! So now it's no food apart from in the kitchen!
However weekdays I wake up early, so food is always prepped and ready to be eaten when kids and dh finally surface! And I like having a quiet kitchen first thing so I can have a coffee without being asked a billion questions.
Weekend dh generally does the breakfast routine as he gets up earlier than me to get a paper (I think he enjoys the mile walk to the newsagents, as he doesn't actually seem to read the paper!)
Occasionally the kids (teens) are up before us, especially if I've been out gigging with the band, and they'll get breakfast. Basically whoever gets up first does the brekky duty!
I think you just do what works for your family, there is no right or wrong. All set ups are different. If everyone is happy, and stress is minimal then it's working. If it's a tense or stressful atmosphere then try changing it find the easiest way forward.

My DM used to do this for me in the mornings as a teen. She was up for work and making things like toast and banana/peanut butter anyway, and I was absolutely terrible and waking up in the mornings as a teen.

She definitely wasn’t a DM who pandered generally, quite the opposite, so maybe she just did it to make the mornings easier.

One of my DC is autistic and also takes ADHD meds in mornings and needs to eat quickly, so I sometimes do that - but reading this makes me think that I might do it for all of them. Waking up early can be really hard for teens anyway because it is out of line with their body clocks, so it might be a nice thing to do.

Sod what anyone else thinks about you meeting the needs of their disability .

No I wouldn’t do this for my teens unless they were ill, although my DH brings me a cup of tea in bed every morning.

My DC hated school/college dinners so would be up having breakfast making their packed lunch at the same time then straight in their shower then out of the door.

Whatever, works for you but my DC prefer privacy in their space too so wouldn’t want me invading it with breakfast in hand either.

Each to his own. Meals are primarily eaten at the table here and always were when the kids were teens. Personally, I hate breakfast in bed. But the underlying structure of eating together at the table - and that’s mostly what happened with two full time workers and three school kids (albeit all travel to work, school, and any other activity was and still is by bike) - fed in to relaxed family mealtimes together and no meals taken off to rooms by moody teenagers trying to avoid social interaction. This was always important to me, but of course it won’t be the same priority for others.

I might try this with 15yo ds. He really struggles in the mornings.

Similar story here, ND and EBSA amongst other things.
I make the breakfasts on school days, sometimes they eat them in their rooms. It's about meeting whatever need there is that day/that moment and helping them transition with the least stress possible.
Although yesterday as I ran around after both of them while WFH I did wonder how I got to this point!

That particular Times columnist writes regularly about her children often in ways that must really embarrass them (such as about their bowel habits in this article). DH and I can’t stand her but equally call each other to come and have a look at what she’s written now, so i guess a good columnist!

I think there is something to be said for being 'in the moment' with your children, looking at the effect something you do with or for them now, rather than what it might make them become when they go to uni, etc. if, in the here and now, you think your daughter will benefit, try it.

Who cleans the crumbs?
Or magically is there no mess lol

My DS is sat in our bed next to me eating breakfast and (even worse) watching telly as I write this! (He's 10 so I doubt he will be in our bed when he's a teen but same principle really).

To be fair I only have one child but it works for us. Mornings have zero stress...probably my favourite part of the day actually. I don't recognise the stressful morning dynamic at all. In about half an hour he'll get himself dressed, do his teeth and off he goes.

DS isnt perfect of course but he is really well behaved, works hard at school, is polite etc etc. Its not a ND thing for us either.

It's prepared by either me or DH depending on who wakes first so no gender issue.

ETA he also reads for an hour before bed out of choice, does loads of exercise and doesn't do much gaming (including nothing online). Not that I should have to justify but I feel like I have to in case people make assumptions based on breakfast in bed!

I actually think that breakfast in bed is a step beyond but yes, my child who is still in juniors can do far more than he currently does and that will have to happen now - before he goes to senior school.

Now and again would be a treat but as a day to day strategy to keep the peace, I think it's an unsustainable layer of dependency from them that isn't replicable when they leave home for uni/ work and it sounds like you are walking on eggshells and presenting it as a strategy.

Lol, I'm still in bed by the time my kids leave for school. They are independent and sort themselves out and have done since just before high school. DH leaves for for at 5am or is in bed after a night shift so he wouldn't be doing it either.

I've found that me getting up with them hinders them being ready, we have 1 bathroom and everyone is fighting for it so I've learned to stay out their way and get up after they've left at 7.45am.

DD does this for our teen DGC's. She says that it's no skin off her nose, and swears it works.
I'd never have dreamt of doing it for my kids 30 years ago but times change, attitudes too.
As a doting Grandma, my DGC can do little wrong and there's almost nothing that I'd not do for them, BUT, I think I draw the line at breakfast in bed when they stay over and I don't think that they would expect it. It's just a nice little harmony promoting thing between Mum and teens.
(Still think it's weird though) .

The only thing I do for my teens is wake them up and then that's it, off they go, no big deal My youngest, 11, is a complete misery guts on a morning and I do tend to be a bit more soft on him as a result. I still make up his breakfast and his school bag, remind him to get ready, time checks all morning, find his shoes 🙄 - but this tale of bringing breakfast to bed by some withered mother who has been ground into complete subservience has galvanised my resolve to toughen the hell up a bit.

I think morning routines are super important in setting kids up for the day and there's no one size fits all.

My mum is always, ALWAYS of the attitude that everyone should fit in with her morning plans - she's a super early riser and will thump around the house deliberately to wake everyone up. I was supposed to get up and eat (even though I was very not ready to), and do certain chores before school (we lived super rurally, so it was a long journey in).

I asked if I could do different chores in the evening, and demonstrated that I could get up 1.5h later, have a tea and toast, brush my teeth and be out in 30m. Nope. It had to be her routine.

As a result I skived school because if I said I was ill, I'd get the extra sleep I desperately needed (insomnia/migraines).

So I'm pretty anti parents dictating a start to the day that doesn't take the child into account.

I'm great at getting up and working at managing my time.