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AIBU?

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Original poster

This isn't ok, is it?

34 replies

123dontcomeatme · 13/01/2025 06:48

Firstly, I know it's not ok, but I'm just in that stage where I can't believe what happened and am just doubting everything.

For context: my mother is a difficult lady. I do love her but she's most certainly narcissistic and challenging. There have been various points in my life where I have cut contact with her, once for 10 years. Her behaviour had got worse over 2024 and there was a big argument on my birthday. This started with her throwing chips in my daughters face, shouting awful things at me for over and hour, and her husband stopping me from leaving the house by barricading the door with his full body weigh while I pulled at it asking to be let go and that I wanted to leave. He did not let me leave and I committed the massive sin of telling them both to fuck off. We haven't seen them since

Last night my brother got us together with a view to sorting things out. Obviously everything was denied, the chips didn't happen, what i have done has broken her, how could I ever do that. Her husband started telling me how my behaviour was disgusting. I said that he needs to think about the chips and the barricading me in and he said no. He said he didn't lay a hand on me so it was fine. I said, no it wasn't fine, I wanted to leave and he was physically stopping me. He then said ' ok, if it happens again, I will physically pick you up and throw you off my property "

I was dumbstruck. My brother did say that was not ok to say.
I said I was leaving and got up and left the room to put my shoes on. As I left the room I said that this is the issue, there is no respect for me as a person at all.

My brother started asking me to stay and I just kept repeating no, I was leaving and that I was done.

He followed me out to the road and kept asking and said mum would be more upset now, to which i replied she needed to be upset with her hooligan husband.

I left. I haven't heard anything since, from anyone

I know full well since I left that somehow this will be twisted to be my fault.

I can't see a path forward, if family think that is an ok way to treat someone, there can't be a healthy relationship.

But, as is the case where you grow up in this kind of environment, this morning I'm just doubting myself and want to check that I'm not wrong.
Thank you.

OP posts:
PigInADuvet · 13/01/2025 07:07

You really do not have to have a relationship with your mother or her husband, but you do need to make peace with that in your mind. Or it may be that you decide you want a relationship with your mother but with conditions. E.g. you want to see her but will only do so in a public place so when you meet you could go for coffee, or lunch or something. My mum would never behave the way she did private, in a public place.

You can continue a relationship with your brother independently to that of your mother if you wish.

Some counselling may help. It really helped me to make sense of things.

Whatever you decide, you need to put some firm boundaries in place to protect your child/ren, if not yourself.

MollyButton · 13/01/2025 07:04

You are not wrong.
The only thing you should have done different is phone the police when not allowed to leave.

And maybe not have bothered with your brother's peacemaking.
(He is acting a bit like a flying monkey, so I'd probably restrict contact with him too, at least for a while.)

Marmalady75 · 13/01/2025 07:03

YABU if you think this is ok in any way, shape or form.
YANBU to cut these people out of your life completely. They won’t change because they don’t recognise they e done anything wrong.

MsWildcat · 13/01/2025 07:03

You don't need people like these in your life. You have to start putting yourself first, and prioritise your mental wellbeing. These people sound awful. Good luck OP.

Theunamedcat · 13/01/2025 07:03

I wouldn't keep in touch with your brother either he is part of the problem

Why is he just accepting his moms husband saying that too you without saying hang on a minute you can't say things like that to his FACE not behind his back to his actual face

Also your mom throws chips at your daughter?

maslinpan · 13/01/2025 07:01

Don't put up with this shit any longer. Watch out for your brother to turn against you as well, but you have to break contact with all of them.

MrsSethGecko · 13/01/2025 07:00

You're not wrong at all. You did the right thing.

50andfabulous · 13/01/2025 06:58

You're not wrong. protect yourself and your child and cut contact.

Devilsmommy · 13/01/2025 06:54

You are not in the wrong at all. So sorry your own family treats you like that. I'd definitely keep my distance if it was me. Do you and your brother have a good relationship at least?

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