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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wish that people wouldn’t comment on size?

136 replies

Whoopydodah · 13/01/2025 06:43

I work in a hybrid role that is more remote than in the office, and I’m anti social in general so tend to speak to friends via message but only meet sporadically in person.

So I’m prepared to accept this is a me problem as it’s so prevalent.

But over the past few days I’ve had the pleasure of being in the office and socialising in person. It has varied whether it’s been a couple of weeks, a month, couple of months and in one case 6 months since I’ve seen these people.

You’ve lost weight, you look so slim, you look so good.

Except I have the awkward exchange of um no the scales say the same, I’m in the same size clothes, thanks.

But what I’m thinking is you’ve got me bigger in your memory than I am and so I appear slimmer in person, and your comment does not make me feel good about myself.

For reference I’m average, I’m 5’6, 70kg, 24.9 bmi mid 40s - so technically not overweight but carry a few pounds that I could do with losing, but not fussed enough to actually do anything about it.

AIBU to think commenting on someone’s weight is rude? Why has it become a thing that casual acquaintances, colleagues, as well as friends and family all feel it is an acceptable conversation?

OP posts:
SallyWD · 13/01/2025 07:24

I get that a lot. People always saying I've lost weight, when actually my weight is very stable. I've always realised that in their minds they see me as a bigger person, then they see me and realise I'm not that big!
But it's ok. I don't worry about it. It is what it is.
My in-laws are Indian and always spend the first five minutes of every meeting analysing everyone's weight and whether they've gained or lost weight. I've developed a thick skin over the years!

Original poster
Whoopydodah · 13/01/2025 07:22

The teams/online video comment may actually explain it - hadn’t clocked that. Don’t they say the camera adds pounds?! And yes I put more effort in when leaving the house - actually getting fully dressed for starters is the bonus those who see me in person get.

Re comment of just saying thanks - that’s what I do, but I then get what have you been doing, you dieting, gym, etc

And that’s when I then have the what I feel is awkward part um nothing, but you must be doing something

And then I overshare with the scales say otherwise, clothes are the same size etc

Dont get me wrong I understand small talk compliments, lovely to see you you’re looking good, you too, thanks move on.

Its the weight specific

But I hadn’t seen the thread that people are upset that comments are not being made so maybe I am the minority.

OP posts:
Purplturpl · 13/01/2025 07:19

I agree op. I had a few people say that to me at one point when I hadn’t actually lost weight. And all I could think was that the last time they saw me they must have been thinking I was looking a bit overweight. Or they must think of me as the sort of person who struggles with keeping my weight down. I thought I looked fine both before and after and really didn’t need anyone commenting. I makes me feel weird to think people are assessing my figure. I know some people maybe want complements when they lose a lot of weight but that’s maybe when it is more obvious- maybe they knew the person was trying to lose weight and has lost a stone or two so it’s a significant reduction.

if people do say this to me , it is just best to say thank you and move in quickly. Hurts my feelings though

LiceSoup · 13/01/2025 07:15

FatAgain · 13/01/2025 07:14

Surely the best thing to say is…. “You look great!” Then it’s open to interpretation and everybody feels
pleased 🤣

Just don't say 'you look well' !!! That is also open to interps 😂

FatAgain · 13/01/2025 07:14

Surely the best thing to say is…. “You look great!” Then it’s open to interpretation and everybody feels
pleased 🤣

DUsername · 13/01/2025 07:12

I agree, probably best not to comment on people's appearance at all - I've been on here long enough to realise that even a compliment can be misinterpreted!

I do think its odd that people telling you that you 'look so good' and 'look so slim' makes you feel not good about yourself though.

One thing that occurs to me is have you been on teams calls with these people while WFH? I make more effort with hair, make up and clothes when I go into the office. If you're the same it could explain why they see a difference in you

LiceSoup · 13/01/2025 07:09

It's a very divisive issue.

People continue to comment because they think it's a positive to lose weight and a compliment to say you've lost weight..they want to flatter you or acknowledge your efforts.

I've had people say it to me because they think I lack confidence and needed a boost 😂 I'm not shy or lacking in confidence I'm just an introvert who didn't like her place of work.

I don't care that they thought I was fatter it just feels slimy to me to compliment my weight. If i had lost weight I feel they're greasing me up and if I hadn't I feel like they're scrutinising my body. But some people will literally take these comments with a huge ear to ear smiles all eccstatic.

lostinthememory · 13/01/2025 07:09

Devilsmommy · 13/01/2025 06:59

You can't win. Yesterday was a thread with people being upset nobody commented on their weight loss, today you shouldnt comment. Imo if it's not said in some barbed way I don't see the issue 🤷

The issue is, OP hasn't lost weight.

You also shouldn't just walk up to someone and say "well done on losing weight" because they might not have done it intentionally.

I've lost a significant amount of weight and my colleagues have been amazing, asking subtly and politely if I meant to lose it. When I say yes, they then go into "oh my goodness well done!!" mode, which is nice. But if I hadn't intended to lose it, it would be quite awkward.

It obviously depends on your relationship with your coworkers, but I wouldn't be commenting on it with anyone I know unless I felt like I knew them well enough.

Tisthedamnseason · 13/01/2025 07:01

I agree with you, but there have been several threads recently from people saying "why has no one commented on my weight loss??" so it's obviously something some people feel isn't only ok, but actively desirable.

Devilsmommy · 13/01/2025 06:59

You can't win. Yesterday was a thread with people being upset nobody commented on their weight loss, today you shouldnt comment. Imo if it's not said in some barbed way I don't see the issue 🤷

Cremeeggtime · 13/01/2025 06:47

You just need to say "thanks" none of the stuff about your clothes size etc. they are trying to pay you a compliment. Quickest way is to say thanks and move on.