To wish that people wouldn’t comment on size?

I go with a general rule of, am I sure this person would want to hear this perhaps because they have spent the last 3 months being a diet bore ?

If someone hasn't said they are going to the gym, or on a diet, or on Ozempic etc, just don't mention it. They can bring it up themselves if they want praise.

And I tend to go with, haven't you done well, you have worked hard, you look happy etc, again IF I am certain they want to hear it.

Meh. I’d just say ‘thanks’ and accept it as the compliment it’s intended to be.

This.
And their comments could be based on what you're actually wearing at the time........some clothing can make us look bigger/slimmer

People often tell me that they think I've lost weight. I absolutely never have... I just think I'm fatter in their memory than in person. I just say "oh do you think, I'm not on a diet." Which generally shuts it down. As others have said, it's just a weird way of some people thinking that they're complimenting you.

I agree.

Except I have the awkward exchange of um no the scales say the same, I’m in the same size clothes, thanks

No you don't have to say that or explain that you weigh the same or whatever. Just nod and smile and change the subject

😔💐

I’ve had this a lot recently. I always feel a bit meh when someone tells me I’ve lost weight because I haven’t. If anything I’ve put a few pounds on that I need to shift. I’ve always been a tall size 10/12 so I always wonder how people think I looked last time they saw me. Makes my eating disorder perk its horrible little ears up. I think it’s because in some settings I’m the thinnest and in others I’m the tall larger one.

I agree that Teams doesn’t do anyone any favours. Also people do make more effort with their appearance when they fo into the office. I don’t know anyone who dresses as well when they wfh.

Just say "oh thanks" and move on. No need to explain you haven't changed. They are being complimentary to build a relationship not actually commenting on you size, I'd say.

I get you OP.
Very recently a friend asked me what my secret was. When I said 'eh?' she asked how I'd lost 'all that weight'.
I've been the same weight and dress size for about 20 years (140lbs and size 12).
It bothered me that she had always perceived me as being much bigger.

But why?

Fat people know we're fat. We don't need to be told by everyone at work that we're fat.

It is an acceptable topic to discuss, as it rightly should be.

If you have issues with your weight that’s your own problem to deal with and people shouldn’t tiptoe around you.

It's not wise to comment on weight/size unless the person has told you they have been trying to lose weight. We tend to assume slimmer=healthier but a sustained loss of weight can be associated with serious illness and this might not be something the person wants to talk about.

In the OP's case - video calls are terrible for making people look bigger than they are - partly because you have little idea of someone's height so you don't see them in perspective - so it's probably to do with this, but should not have been said.

It hasn't become a thing, it has always been a thing

I remember when I was working in a shop, a semi regular customer came in, said she saw me at the gym, and commented how I had lost so much weight recently. Also decided to comment how I "got a bit pudgy last year" and she asked how I turned it around.

Brightly told her that last year I had been in treatment for anorexia, so the hospital were making me gain weight to an amount healthy for me, but now I had relapsed after being released from treatment so was losing the weight again.

The look on her bloody face.

No fucks given for making her feel bad. This was when I had already accepted that people liked my anorexia, mainly due to the negative comments and treatment I got when I was going through weight restoration. I know they didn't know about my eating disorder or recovery, but that just makes it more truthful from them... Society prefers you starving and skinny even if it's not healthiest for you, no one actually cares about health . And we now have further evidence with the weight loss jabs.

People comment on weight because to them, it's the most important thing about us. As lovely as my therapists have been, they're all wrong.

I try to say "you look lovely!" rather than comment on weight if I think someone looks thinner. It's hard though, as a society we are ingrained to praise weight loss/thinness.

The thing is, weight is an incredibly sensitive topic.

People can be offensive without realising it

Also that cliche that the camera adds pounds - perhaps we appear bigger in teams meetings so if they haven’t seen you in works for a while you look artificially slimmer?

Is it offensive? Not really. Are they meaning to be offensive? Nope. Think there’s a bit of a habit nowadays critically analysing everything everyone says when they contain certain “trigger words”

It’s very weird seeing someone in real life when you are used to them on teams. This person that you speak to every day is suddenly in front of you and is a foot taller and a different shape to how they look sitting down.I usually get, ‘you are shorter than you look online’.

Of course they shouldn’t mention it but some people lack basic manners and say what they see.

Re comment of just saying thanks - that’s what I do, but I then get what have you been doing, you dieting, gym, etc

Maybe smile and say: 'You know what, several people have said this (or I look slimmer in person) - it's the camera pounds!' Or 'don't they say the camera adds 10lb, we all look slimmer in person!' (And then everyone will feel better lol) Or 'yeah I've been told I look different in person but I haven't actually lost any. I think it's just the webcam' Big smile and change the subject or ask them something. Breaking eye contact also sends a signal (to most people) that this conversation is over but keep a slight smile on your face so you don't seem annoyed.

Just say “thank you” and move on.

I was always taught never to make personal comments. It's rude and can cause distress. I think you're right to be upset, OP.