To wish that people wouldn’t comment on size?

It will be the camera on Teams. The angle of cameras, plus certain lighting, can be unflattering. My work craptop laptop gives me an extra chin unless I put it on a few books to make it higher.

They aren't saying you are fat. That's the main thing. They are complimenting you. Yes, they're saying you look better than on Teams etc.

(As an aside, I personally hate Teams video meetings. Like, properly detest. I find it violating. There is zero real need to look at someone.)

I think you need to put this in perspective and be glad that you are pretty much an ideal weight and size.

I once had a colleague ask if I meant to loose that much weight or was I ill! 😳 it was related to a health issue, all i could do was walk away in silence.

Why has it become a thing that casual acquaintances, colleagues, as well as friends and family all feel it is an acceptable conversation?

It was always a thing for people to mention weight loss as a sort of compliment (usually). It's a newer thing to find it rude or offensive.

I feel exactly the same OP.

I did lose some weight (about 2 stone), about 5 years ago.

I live a fair distance away from my family, but I've seen them a fair bit since then - certainly enough that it should be well established by now that I am slimmer than I was 5 years ago, and not be such a big thing.

But still every time I visit, I get 'you look so slim!' 'you've lost weight' 'how much have you lost?' etc etc.

It was so long ago now and it drives me mad.

I just say thanks but I haven't lost any.

As usual, the first post nails it.

You are overthinking this. Just say thanks and move on.

I hate this too. Rooms full of people and the work clown walks in and says at full volume “you’ve lost weight mate!”

Means well, but I don’t want 20 pairs of eyes looking me up and down deciding if I have.

also, when it’s the other way and you’ve put on 5kg and it’s noticeable in the face, you know they’re thinking it.

It’s so rude I wish people would just leave it in their heads.

I agree with you OP. I had this with my MIL and SIL all Christmas. As soon as I saw them they said I’ve lost weight and look great. I told them I hadn’t lost any weight, still the same as normal (bmi around 22 and always have been).

But they wouldn’t drop it, the next day it was all “go on, tell me your secret, what have you done to lose weight”…

They wouldn’t let it drop. It made me feel quite insecure by the end of the few days.

They didn't sat she was fat, they said she'd lost weight. A big difference.

Yes it’s rude to make personal comments but they are at least on the side of ‘flattering’. Just say ‘thanks’ and think no more of it.

I was tall for my age as a child and loads of people got it into their heads that I was ‘big’, even though I never was.

Even now, people insist I’ve lost weight when I’m still the same, not overweight, size I’ve always been. I think it’s because I’ve got a sort of roundish face and curly hair. And a bust.

No point in overthinking it.

It's just conversation, meant as a compliment.

I'm totally with you. I think weight is totally irrelevant, whether you've lost, gained or stayed the same. And those people desperate for compliments after they've lost weight are ridiculous. Why not just say, how lovely to see you, what have you been up to? Why do people always have to comment on how someone looks and especially women's weight? Not all weight loss is good or healthy and not all weight gain is bad. Ffs we really need to change our mindset...how a person looks is the least interesting thing about them.

Maybe your face has changed? In much thinner in the face now I'm in my 40s, even though I've actually gone up a dress size at the waist

I'm so proud of you being upfront about this. No fucks given indeed.

But people comment on weight because it's the most important thing ABOUT THEM, TO THEMSELVES. Their comments only reflect their own internal battles. Honestly 99 per cent of people are only thinking about themselves 99 per cent of the time. I used to find that depressing, now I find it really liberating.

There's a woman at work who I only see maybe once a month or so and she always asks me if I've lost weight (I haven't, same bmi as you op) I can't wrap my head around it either. I have a history of ED so I try not to dwell on it but it doesn't help that she herself is very slim. To me it's one of those subjects that's best avoided, like religion or politics etc.

As my teenagers would say, don't deep it.

It's highly unlikely that the people saying this put more than a seconds thought into it.

I'm plus size. Of course Iknow it. I have a very sweet colleague who's bigger (I don't know if that's relevant). She'll often comment on my outfit saying "oh that's a very slimming top" or similar. She says it because actually she's lovely and is trying to pay me a compliment. Yes it's clumsy but I just take it in the spirit it was intended (while internally eyerolling) and thank her.

Agix I am so sad to read your post.

My daughter had anorexia for 8 years (now recovered).

You make your point very powerfully about society not caring about your health, preferring you "starving and skinny" - I really hope you have a family who you know loves you and cares very much about your health.

I wish you all the best with your recovery 💐

Stupid woman!

Hope you're well, sounds like you gave a good team around you ,♥️💐

You reminded me of when I was a teen / young adult. Too thin, size 6-8 until late 20s, maybe 30's. Desperately wanted to put on weight so that I would have a better choice of clothing, but couldn't due to medical issues.

Loads of compliments on my size and lots of sexual interest from creepy older men 🤮

Seems better in some ways today with less super skinny unwell models, but worse with the obsession everywhere with calories and "being healthy". A family member has an eating disorder and STILL gets given "skinny" / diet versions of the drinks she asks for - coke, frappe, etc in shops when she's obviously very unwell and underweight. Makes weight restoration so much harder.

Of course it is rude.

Yeah seeing people only on video is weird and it can be hard to ignore the 'new' information when you see them in person. All I could think when I saw my colleague face to face for the first time was how tall she was, because in my head she was 3 inches shorter.

But I agree one should try to keep these thoughts to yourself and definitely not comment on weight!

Another thought, had any of your colleagues gained weight? Were they comparing themselves and had in their mind that you should be less slim than they are? People are quite self obsessed.

I don’t like it either. I have lost weight and im happy about it. I still don’t like the comments and especially the questions. No one ever said to me before ‘oh wow you’re fat’ but it feels like they’re saying ‘oh wow you were fat and now yoire less fat’.

I’ve found the opposite to be honest.

I work in a very large remote team and we only meet in person once every 1-2 years.

In 2023 I went to an in person team day having gained 4 stone since the last time they seen me - not one person commented.

By the time we met in 2024 I had lost the 4 stone and again no one commented.

I was a bag of nerves both times anticipating comments but I think people were too polite to say. Also, everyone is so caught up in their own stuff, I don’t think people care if you’ve put weight on or lost weight.