Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you can spend 17 years together and never truly know somebody

31 replies

EvenThe · 12/01/2025 23:20

I’ve never got over the damage from my cheating ex partner, father of my kids. Despite years of therapy I still feel a lasting deep trauma.

To think maybe you don’t just get over such deep deception? You can think you know somebody, share every part of you with them, only to find out you never truly knew them at all.

Not just the cheating but the way the person turned on you after they were caught. The blame and abuse you can be put through for their own actions.

OP posts:
Elissaisnotmyname · 13/01/2025 01:14

EvenThe · 12/01/2025 23:20

I’ve never got over the damage from my cheating ex partner, father of my kids. Despite years of therapy I still feel a lasting deep trauma.

To think maybe you don’t just get over such deep deception? You can think you know somebody, share every part of you with them, only to find out you never truly knew them at all.

Not just the cheating but the way the person turned on you after they were caught. The blame and abuse you can be put through for their own actions.

Some men have no morals and you are lucky you found out sooner rather than later

ByHardyAquaFox · 13/01/2025 01:00

I am sorry but I don't get the purpose of the thread in the AIBU section. Why would someone say that to think that is unreasonable ?
It is happened to you and many people so do you expect anyone saying "oh YABU, that would never happen" ? I don't get it.

Original poster
EvenThe · 13/01/2025 00:18

I am in general happy in my life too. I love my home, friends, job and children.

But sometimes when I’m sat with my thoughts, it can still feel so painful. I’ve tried so hard to not care, but deep down I just can’t comprehend someone you thought you knew so well could cause such physical pain. They could twist everything, turn people against you, rewrite history, make your life financially hell and yet they already caused you so much devastation. Like you deserve to be punished further. But somehow this is the same person that promised the world and you trusted to bring children into the world with.

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 13/01/2025 00:02

EvenThe · 12/01/2025 23:20

I’ve never got over the damage from my cheating ex partner, father of my kids. Despite years of therapy I still feel a lasting deep trauma.

To think maybe you don’t just get over such deep deception? You can think you know somebody, share every part of you with them, only to find out you never truly knew them at all.

Not just the cheating but the way the person turned on you after they were caught. The blame and abuse you can be put through for their own actions.

I hear you. Similar for me. I don't think I'll ever quite get over what he and OW put me and my children through. I will never ever risk it again. I have PTSD and it's absolutely changed the path of my life and that of my kids. It's a horrible situation to be in. I've built a life and I am happy and fulfilled but the scars run deep.

unsync · 12/01/2025 23:53

I think it says more about them than you. They treated you appallingly, not because of anything you did or didn't do, but because they are deeply flawed. Hanging onto that just perpetuates the misery they inflicted and the only person hurt is you. You have to let it go. Stop giving them that power.

DazedAndConfused321 · 12/01/2025 23:24

I think anyone can change, you could meet someone awful who becomes perfect, and vice versa.

I'm sorry you had to deal with such a nasty piece of work x