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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Old guy purposely tapped my bum with his walking crutch

164 replies

Wickedclimber · 12/01/2025 22:15

Had a 'disagreement' with an elderly man today, who was utterly vile and told me that women should be in the kitchen.

Afterwards he came over and tapped my arse with his walking crutch, whilst mumbling "got over it yet?".

AIBU in thinking this is totally inappropriate?

I know if I had seen him do it to someone else, I would have stepped in as a safeguarding officer.

OP posts:
pavillion1 · 12/01/2025 23:56

Try working in a care home , We have about another 40 years of this shit

SantoriniSunrise · 12/01/2025 23:54

It's sexual assault, he should be reported to the police. Probably not the first time he's done it either.

SanDiegoZoo · 12/01/2025 23:47

Next time you see him trip up his crutch. You’ll be in the right place to ask for forgiveness straight away. God will understand.

ThinWomansBrain · 12/01/2025 23:43

You should still report as a safeguarding issue internally
and to the police - it's assault.

Are you able to ban parishoners?

ThinWomansBrain · 12/01/2025 23:40

At Church, was it the vicar?

Did you manage not to grab it and wrap it round his head?

SeatonCarew · 12/01/2025 23:38

GreyPapoose · 12/01/2025 22:46

Have a word with yourself.

Show quote history

That's quite correct. It's assault.

BlueberryShortcakePixie · 12/01/2025 23:36

Definitely report to the Vicar or Diocese. Unacceptable to be spoken to like that in your line of work.

I started reading that as ‘definitely report to the Vicar of Dibley’

I need to go to bed…

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 12/01/2025 23:35

Wickedclimber · 12/01/2025 22:46

For those asking, I'm one of the Lay Ministers. I was leading and preaching today.

He approached me after to tell me how (bloody) annoyed he was because women shouldn't be leading services, they shouldn't be doing communion, they shouldn't be going to college for ministry training....

For goodness sake. He should go elsewhere if he can’t cope with women ministers.

Newnamesameme · 12/01/2025 23:31

Why are people making jokes it's not funny. I hope you're okay op.
Old man or not, how dare he treat people like that?

neilyoungismyhero · 12/01/2025 23:27

Well the truth is he's a silly old bugger with outdated foolish misogynistic views. I think to be honest it's a mountain and a molehill. If you can't cope with these situations maybe the job isn't for you.

WitheringHeights8 · 12/01/2025 23:25

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 12/01/2025 23:18

Give over

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I'm disappointed, but not surprised, at the amount of people who seem to think this behaviour is anything but. It's not funny, and the excuses people are making for it reek or misogny, or internalised misogyny.

Explain to me how verbally harassing and then physically, and possibly sexuallly using a crutch to hit someone isn't assault?

50Balesofgrey · 12/01/2025 23:25

What is the safeguarding issue?

Maray1967 · 12/01/2025 23:24

In my church he would be visited and spoken to by two senior members and the incident would be reported upwards.

LinnettdeBelleforte · 12/01/2025 23:21

GreyPapoose · 12/01/2025 22:34

It's given me a laugh.

It's his version of a pointy finger.

It isn't remotely funny.

LinnettdeBelleforte · 12/01/2025 23:20

mumgodloveher · 12/01/2025 22:39

🤣 Sorry, OP, I would have been furious with the old git but this comment really made me laugh!

Show quote history

Why? I don't think the poster was joking.

LinnettdeBelleforte · 12/01/2025 23:20

Thegoatliesdownonbroadway · 12/01/2025 22:34

Turn the other cheek

Um, no.

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 12/01/2025 23:18

WitheringHeights8 · 12/01/2025 22:42

Not just inappropriate...it's assault.

Give over

DistractMe · 12/01/2025 23:14

Oh good grief, that must have been very upsetting. Good that your vicar is Having a Word. What do you want the outcome to be?

Moonlightdust · 12/01/2025 23:08

Some really unnecessary stupid comments on here. Sorry that happened OP. He sounds like a complete misogynistic old fool. Definitely report to the Vicar or Diocese. Unacceptable to be spoken to like that in your line of work.

X72 · 12/01/2025 22:49

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

GreyPapoose · 12/01/2025 22:46

WitheringHeights8 · 12/01/2025 22:42

Not just inappropriate...it's assault.

Have a word with yourself.

Original poster
Wickedclimber · 12/01/2025 22:46

For those asking, I'm one of the Lay Ministers. I was leading and preaching today.

He approached me after to tell me how (bloody) annoyed he was because women shouldn't be leading services, they shouldn't be doing communion, they shouldn't be going to college for ministry training....

OP posts:
WitheringHeights8 · 12/01/2025 22:42

Not just inappropriate...it's assault.

bradfordisdamned · 12/01/2025 22:40

How did that subject get broached in the first place? There seems to be a lot of bum related posts today

mumgodloveher · 12/01/2025 22:39

Thegoatliesdownonbroadway · 12/01/2025 22:34

Turn the other cheek

🤣 Sorry, OP, I would have been furious with the old git but this comment really made me laugh!

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