Old guy purposely tapped my bum with his walking crutch

There's some poor quality victim blaming and sneering going on here.

2/10

Non emergency number and explain the whole situation including hitting you with his stick

I’d report it as assault

@OneLemonDog I find your way of looking at it unpleasant, I'm afraid.

Don’t be afraid. Our views differ. Under different circumstances, my opinion may be different. I am just offering an alternative viewpoint based on the information as presented by the opening poster. I would urge any person who wants to lead a flock to act with grace and compassion towards an unlikeable person or unlikeable behaviour when that person is part of their flock. That is not to say accept the unacceptable, but to deal with it according to Biblical principles. I realise that standard is unpalatable to some. One of the hardest challenges, as a Christian, is to love the unloveable. Teachers and preachers are held to a higher ‘standard’ than most.

Absolutely. I'm sure that most of us know men in their 70s, 80s and 90s who know full well (and have known for a long time) that this type of behavior has long ceased to be acceptable.

Is the message here that we should accept misogyny from men over, say, 70? Because they haven’t been raised to know any better? Nonsense. Education is lifelong, times have changed and too flipping right.

I find your way of looking at it unpleasant, I'm afraid.

I think your suggestion that the demeaning things he said to the OP, were "tongue in cheek" is beyond charitable, and is instead bending over backwards to shift blame onto the victim.

Your "egos may have got in the way of good communication" comment is also an extremely novel way of framing one person subjecting another to a string of insults.

Suggesting that this man did not intend to demean the OP with his comments (particularly while using the well-worn trope about a woman's place being in the kitchen), or that perhaps he may not be aware that prodding a woman's bottom (not least a woman he just insulted) is inappropriate, is stretching plausibility to breaking point. At some point, too, accommodation for societal change over time tips over into an extremely patronizing form of ageism.

And even if you think (as a third party with only scant details of the interactions) that there may have been a better way to handle the unpleasant words and behavioirs, telling the OP that her loud response (given in shock) of "do not ever do that again" does not paint her in the best light is really quite unkind.

I do think you'd do well to show more compassion.

What's that got to do with it?

Oh dear @OneLemonDog, it was hardly the fault of the opening poster, that they were tapped on the btm by a walking aid. That is just silly. Like you and all other contributors, I have merely responded to the opening poster, as they invited us to do so. Each of us has a different way of looking at it, and as they are a ‘leader of the flock’, I was approaching it from a Biblical perspective. I don’t expect all to agree.

Was it actually the priest?!

Yes, it was your fault he prodded you in the bum, OP. When he bombarded you with misogynistic comments, apparently ingrained due to his upbringing, you should have undone that by showing understanding and swiftly re-educating him.

And he's probably never realized that uninvited touching of people's bottoms has been deemed socially unacceptable for at least several decades now, how could he possibly have known otherwise?

Please try and be more graceful in the future, then we'll be able to see you in a better light.

There are reasons why an “elderly man”, within a church setting, may possibly voice the opinion that women should not be doing communion, etc, and that women “should be in the kitchen”. He is clearly a gentleman raised in a different era. I do not agree with him, but I get it. Perhaps he needs to find a different flavour of church, or perhaps this could be an opportunity to teach, with compassion and understanding.

The way you have portrayed the situation here, to be honest, does not paint either of you in the best light. He was out of order on several counts, but you did not appear to handle it with grace. His question about if you had gotten over it yet, suggests it was all a bit tongue in cheek, but your response was maybe reactionary? It looks like egos got in the way of good communication. I hope this conflict can be handled well for you both by your church leadership.

Re the ‘tap on the bottom with a crutch’, to be frank, whist wholly inappropriate, needs to be seen in context. Again, somebody raised in a different era should be educated to learn that such a thing is no longer viewed as just a tap on the btm, and could, in these more enlightened times (?) get people screaming at him that he’s committed assault. Certainly, for that, you are owed an apology.

Typical patriarchal tw@t of a man.

Churches and offices are not the only havens of such ratbags with OLDE WORLDE 19th and 20th century views.

Case in point: A certain man, "Bill", told me at the pool TODAY that "the lanes are too crowded this morning because certain women were not at home running households and there at the pool getting in the way of men who were there for serious exercise." Yes ... he stopped ambling up and down his lane to announce that misguided opinion.

Funnily enough, the woman (52yo) swimming in the same lane as me has fairly grown up kids/youths, is on annual holidays from her Dept Health job until Feb 3 and is a former UK Olympian swimmer. Her youngest child (12yo) was swimming in the next door shallower pool. The lady was swimming, NOT complaining about old men or SAH mums swimming before 7am, and definitely NOT interacting with curmudgeon men. .

I think they were. You know - turn the other cheek. Bum cheek. It’s a play on words, because the op was tapped on the bottom.

He prodded your bum to demean you because you're a woman who dared to, in his mind, rise above your station.

Actually it is assault. Common assault. Shouting and spitting comes under the same category.

I would throw the book at the misogynistic prick. He isn’t just holding those beliefs in his head, he’s trying to put you in your place with verbal and physical aggression. That’s not ok and as a lay minister you have a legal right to work (even if it is voluntarily) safely and free of that sort of shit.

whimper

Are you trolling? Of course it's assault. Stupid to say otherwise.

stop being silly

revolting

I imagine saying 'oh fuck off you old bore' would be frowned upon?

OP How old was the guy? Have you considered that he may have dementia? My dad in his nineties did something similar with a nurse. End result was the police called round to my parents house. The effect of all that on my mother in her mid nineties was awful and while I deplored my father's behaviour I'm not sure I can blame him since he was ill. I definitely wished younger women were not over precious about supposed assault by an old codger who they could knock over with one hand. If you hold the power in your muscles and your mental apparatus why would you bother to think any more about it? Ask yourself "does he have more power than me?" If he doesn't, leave it alone. Dementia isn't pretty.