Old guy purposely tapped my bum with his walking crutch

Elderly or dementia or whatever, those things are a red herring. his rights and needs don't trump the OPs. Church should be a safe place for everyone, I'm sure most will agree. Someone having a quiet word with this man won't harm him.

I'm sorry.... In which era was it seen as socially acceptable to "just tap" anyone, in any place on their body with a crutch???

The follow up Posts at least make it clear why you didn't grab the stick straight off him because that sounds like a tempting option.

So you'd have felt differently if the disagreement had been about something different/? What sort of things could the disagreement have been about that would make him poking her bum with his walking stick acceptable?

'tough time' as in to do with this incident? Please tell me you're not getting push back from the vicar/other parishioners etc?

Oh,ffs. His age is irrelevant. He was a dick. And would have been a dick whether he was 20 or 80. Not sure whether it's a safeguarding issue or a arsehole issue.

Gross. Sorry that you seem to have your hands tied by having to entertain this misogynistic bullshit.

In no other organisation would you have to tolerate a man saying "you shouldn't be allowed to do that because you're female". It's absurd and it belongs in the 15th century.

Can you just shrug and do a 'sadly we're here to stay so if you don't like it you're welcome to find an alternative church'. I honestly don't think these people should even be engaged with.

I'm sorry this horrible incident happened @Wickedclimber , how very unpleasant for you.

Sounds like you did the absolute right thing by commenting loudly at the time and immediately telling the vicar.

Well done for this, because it's hard to think clearly when you're shocked/embarrassed/hurt.

Brushing it under the carpet wouldn't help anyone - it would make life harder for the women who follow you, and also for the old man himself. He's risking a violent response every time he assaults people like that.

I hope your church rally round you.

There's no place for victim-blaming here and I'm sorry you've also had to face that.

His views on women leading services are about 20 years out of date and are the bigger problem.

Did he "tap" you with the end of his cane so it was like he was lifting it to poke you or was it like a full strike across your backside? One is definitely worse.

I'm glad he's going to be spoken to but it's a problem churches run into. You can't "bar" anyone. But you can end up with very conflicting views and need to manage keeping both parties "safe". In this instance I would suggest someone is assigned as his "minder" as it were. Preferably another male because of his views. Someone who can, discreetly, sit near him and "watch him" as it were, step in and guide him elsewhere if he gets into heated debates etc

I realise that now lol!

Sorry you've had to put up with this, OP. My church is run and led almost entirely by women and it's terrific. So he wouldn't be able to say that round here because there wouldn't be a church!
He sounds like someone who is very frustrated at change, and a pita. But you should be getting support, and not losing sleep over this.

In order to give more context. The OP has explained the context since I posted, and therefore we are all able to understand more about what led the man to behave in this way.
HTH

If he can’t be trusted to use his stick correctly in church then he can’t come in with it.

No, I think you just didn't get the joke.

Of course it’s assault.

I wish PP's would stop referring to this man as a 'gentleman'. He most certainly is not.

Horrible misogynistic behaviour, atypical of a man who believes women should be subserviant and hasn't adapted to changing times.

And it IS assault. And should be reported. Let us know how you get on OP; I'm sorry you've had to deal with this, what a horrible, shocking thing to happen. I just hope your church doesn't brush it under the carpet because 'he's old'...'got dementia'...'some old lame excuse'...

@Thegreatestoftheseislove I sincerely hope you wouldn't hold the same attitude if it was a child or teenager being treated in a similar matter at church. Or maybe you're really Justin Welby.

why, because someone used a big word?

For the love of God can Mumsnet ban the word ‘bot’.

Think unless you are actively involved in a church the word ‘incumbent’ may seem a bit unusual.

I do think this needs reporting to your minister/head cleric and a conversation had. The elderly gentleman needs to understand that not only will his behaviour/attitudes not be tolerated (ie he may be asked to leave the congregation) but that he actually puts himself at risk should he offend the wrong person.

ETA - I’d also, personally, request that he apologise to you. This is as much about ensuring other women clerics/officiants that follow you also have that protection and security in their ministry.

You appear to be a little hard of thinking, or perhaps wilfully dim? She can't really take an active role AS Safeguarding Officer in her OWN CASE, now can she?! All churches I'm aware of now have safeguarding teams and officers etc and it's really important that this framework can function separate to the actual church leadership (in case it's the main minister who is actually at fault). She, as the Safeguarding Officer, has to hand this over to someone else (the minister, but I'm sure it could be someone else) because she has an interest in her own case and therefore can't work with it.

I assume any other congregant would be taking a similar issue to the OP first, as she's Safeguarding Officer.

Glad to say that in most churches, this behaviour would indeed be viewed as unacceptable, his views massively outdated and his age fairly irrelevant. You really are quite a victim blamer, aren't you?

While I can understand (if not sympathise with) some elderly members of a congregation finding it hard to get their head around women actually having a voice in modern churches and taking leadership roles, these changes have been happening for a LONG TIME, thegreatestoftheseislove ! Whether you yourself like or approve of them, for most churches, sexual equality and women taking leadership roles/headship has been happening for decades. It's not a sudden change in the last few years that this poor old man is struggling to get his head around. Chances are, when women first started to be ordained (and before that, be deacons and take ministry roles in other churches) this man was middle-aged at best. He has had time to adapt! His bigotry is his problem and I'm sure his church ministry are mindful of his 'struggle' and probably treat him with a lot more compassion than he deserves.

And yet you still think it's ok to look at this incident from a different perspective (his) and take his side? Sod off.