Old guy purposely tapped my bum with his walking crutch

How can he be a gentleman if he thinks tapping a woman on the bum with his crutch is appropriate?

In terms of people excusing the behaviour I assume.

I see this thread is carrying on in the ageist manner it started.

I don't think so...I've seen women with sticks do the same. Worst was on a bus when a woman in a leg cast was sitting in the disabled seat, and an elderly woman whacked her with her stick because she wanted the seat.

What else are old men allowed to do?

😁 Good reply.

So In reality- this is what annoyed you!

I wouldn't have liked it but would have just moved on. Life's busy, he is an old man.

Dare I suggest it’s the phallic nature of the object and what it represents with respect to their [fading and fragile] sense of masculinity?

ETA - didn’t mean to pile on in an anti [old] men way - have a lovely DH and FiL who wouldn’t dream of behaving like this, and a gorgeous 6ft4 16yo son who has just started dating his first girlfriend… he’s bloody lovely!!

!!!!

To the next level of church government - I’ll leave it vague…

As far as I’m aware we’ve not had a case like that - would be unlikely as my denomination has had women clergy for many decades - but we have had a case of bullying, and the next layer up was notified and it was dealt with very well

I've had male patients (of various ages!) try to hit me on the bottom with implements (long handled shoehorns seem to be a favourite). They seem to think that it's amusing.

I always tell them how inappropriate they are initially which tends to stop them.

Especially when they realise that we have a duty of care to document inappropriate sexual behaviour to warn other staff.

If they persist in their behaviour we also warn the patient concerned (if there is no current mental incapacity caused by confusion in dementia/ delirium / acute psychosis or mania) that we can refuse to treat them. And of course that they could be arrested.

He's lucky you're not me because I would have shouted how fucking dare you touch my bottom, are you some kind of pervert? in front of the entire congregation.

But then my beliefs lie more in 'a tooth for a tooth' than 'turn the other cheek'.

I'm glad the vicar is aware as this man needs to realise that his behaviour is unacceptable & actually illegal.

Balloonhearts · Today 14:48

An elderly bloke once poked me in the back in a supermarket to get me to move. No 'excuse me please,' no 'Can I get by, love' just a jab in the back with a walking stick. I grabbed it and told him next time it touched me it was going up his arse.

🤣

What is it with old men and walking sticks, though?

Minding my own business driving along some time ago, green light in my favour, an old bloke stepped right out in front of me at the crossing (light controlled, pedestrian light was red). Had to do an emergency stop. He glared at me, shouted something then whacked the front of my car with his stick!

What is the vicar’s usual way to deal with such abuse, both verbal and physical?

I think at the very least this man owes you an unreserved apology.

And also a suspension from church.

Exactly, even a toddler understands words like no and stop. Cognitive disabilities aren't any kind of excuse.

I've been thinking a lot recently about the time an old man in cafe who clearly was mentally disabled came over to me and kissed me. It was absolutely disgusting but I didn't kick up any fuss because he was not all there. Ten years on or so and I have been thinking actually, he knew what he was doing, he managed to choose the young woman in her twenties out of all the other people there to press himself on. It was fucking gross and he was using his mental disability to assault people without question.

Enough with this shit. I would have shouted at the old cunt at your church.

An elderly bloke once poked me in the back in a supermarket to get me to move. No 'excuse me please,' no 'Can I get by, love' just a jab in the back with a walking stick. I grabbed it and told him next time it touched me it was going up his arse.

My kids were like 'mum he's OLD!' But I think that's all the more time to have learned some fucking manners. I was so pissed off.

I'm sorry to hear that. I remember as a young teenager my parents had a pervy friend who had suffered a serious brain injury, and it was brushed off as " he can't help it, his inhibitions are gone. " He never did anything to me as such but I was very uncomfortable around him as he would often say things that were a bit icky. I think I felt at the time that I was overreacting a bit because I had been abused in the past, and had a lot of anger and fear around that.

Then one day he told a 21 year old college student visiting that he wanted to give her a blowjob. He was told to stop. It didn't kill him. He was still a bit "icky" but as far as I recall, he no longer said something quite as disgusting in church ever again.

He was still made welcome, but it was made clear that his behaviour was unacceptable.

Well, that's some measure of redress for you and the old tosspint put in his box for a while. The bloody arrogance of him!

Please do explain to us why she should’ve “handled it with grace”? And what about her response wasn’t done with the greatest of restraint and grace?

Even Jesus got angry and turned tables. As a Christian and a feminist I’m enraged for the op. I hope the church fully supports her. My 90 year old father was a gentlemen - he has some old fashioned ideas but would not have done that in a million years. His age and worldview don’t excuse him.

And just fyi. When men exert power over women, it’s not appropriate to simper and politely ‘handle things with Grace’. That’s the behaviour of a collaborator and an appeaser of misogyny.

Without a restraining order, in my Church they can't. And our Pastor would always ignore the restraining order as "All Are Welcome".

So that leaves the option of calling the police mid-service and the parishioners would definitely blame the victim.

I'm very disillusioned by our local churches. Safeguarding isn't taken that seriously and most of the older generation seem to think a bit of bottom pinching, crude comments, inappropriate affection is par for the course and women who don't like it are trouble makers. It's vile.

He should be banned from the church. I really hope the vicar has your back with this. You’re not overreacting I would be really upset too.

This is disgusting, OP, he did it deliberately to demean you.

I don't know if people can be kicked out of churches, but if they can, he should be!

We've had similar (and worse) incidents at our church.

"Dementia" is always pleaded and the dirty old men always seem to get people on their side and the victims are treated as the bad ones.