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AIBU?

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Original poster

Leaving DS 9 months alone

28 replies

Spaghettisour · 12/01/2025 16:22

Need some help settling a debate with my DH.

We have a DS, 9 months old, can crawl/pull up/cruise. Loves to put anything in his mouth! He will play with toys quite independently for 10 mins or so sometimes longer.

DH thinks it’s fine to leave him alone in the living room whilst he’s next door (so can hear but not see him properly). There’s a stairgate across the door so DS can’t get out and the door can be left open. So you can sort of see him but not really.

I think we need to be in the same room as him to keep a proper eye on what he’s doing, unless it’s to quickly go to the toilet/nip upstairs etc. By we I obviously mean one of us.

AIBU?

OP posts:
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Wavescrashingonthebeach · 12/01/2025 19:50

Emilianoo · 12/01/2025 19:35

Not now given they are teens. But yeah I always did.

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Fair enough. I've got two quite close in age and I'd be destroyed if I had to carry them up and down the stairs with me every time I went for a wee! Plus nowhere to put them. My living room is as "baby proof" as possible but yes as per op I wouldn't leave for longer than it takes to use the toilet without visual checks in the room to make sure they're OK.

pinkroses79 · 12/01/2025 19:38

It's not safe at all, he might put something in his mouth and choke.

arcticpandas · 12/01/2025 19:37

No way! It takes less than a minute for a baby his age to choke on something and it will be silent. Your DH is irresponsible. Please don't trust him with your wee one. With a playpen it's different because you know everything is secure and no choking hazards, electricity etc.

Emilianoo · 12/01/2025 19:35

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 12/01/2025 18:43

You take them with you every time?!

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Not now given they are teens. But yeah I always did.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 12/01/2025 18:49

And if he's doing DIY how can he even be listening out, most DIY is pretty noisy.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 12/01/2025 18:48

Spaghettisour · 12/01/2025 18:46

No he was going DIY. That’s why DS isn’t allowed to crawl from one room to another because there are tools around.

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That's a hard no from me. Save it for when DS either in bed or being supervised.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 12/01/2025 18:47

Nipping to the toilet or in and out the kitchen is fine but not just sitting next door just listening out. Can you please remind your DP that choking is silent so that yes he may hear if DS falls and hurts himself but often the most dangerous things are silent (choking/ strangulation etc) so it's no good leaving it until it's too late. Sorry if that's dramatic but better safe than sorry.

Original poster
Spaghettisour · 12/01/2025 18:46

TallNeckedGiraffe · 12/01/2025 18:34

So is your husband gaming in the room next door?

No he was going DIY. That’s why DS isn’t allowed to crawl from one room to another because there are tools around.

OP posts:
Wavescrashingonthebeach · 12/01/2025 18:43

Emilianoo · 12/01/2025 17:02

I wouldnt go the toilet and leave a 9 month unattended.

You take them with you every time?!

Bearbookagainandagain · 12/01/2025 18:41

I'm pretty sure we would have left our second at 10 months old on her own in the living room whilst cooking in the kitchen. She could crawl and come to see us if she wanted.

Our eldest would probably have screamed, so we didn't.

Generally, our kids are free to roam downstairs so if we go from one room to the other they can follow or not.
Obviously we would go and check every few minutes, particularly if it was quiet.

TallNeckedGiraffe · 12/01/2025 18:34

So is your husband gaming in the room next door?

Original poster
Spaghettisour · 12/01/2025 18:32

Emilianoo · 12/01/2025 17:02

I wouldnt go the toilet and leave a 9 month unattended.

I only do because the toilet is next door to the living room. Most of the time DS comes and watches me from the stairgate until I’m done! I wouldn’t leave him for longer than the time it takes to pee and when the playpen is back up I’ll use it again. It’s just the fact today DH seemed to think I was ridiculous for saying if he wouldn’t stop what he was doing to watch DS properly then I couldn’t nip out.

OP posts:
Emilianoo · 12/01/2025 17:02

I wouldnt go the toilet and leave a 9 month unattended.

Edenmum2 · 12/01/2025 16:40

I don't like leaving my 2 year old on her own, she always finds a way to injure herself when I'm not around. At 9 months I wouldn't consider it unless in a secure playpen

Octonaut4Life · 12/01/2025 16:39

No way OP you can't leave a child of that age unattended. Really concerning that he would think that's okay.

MakeYourOwnMusicStartYourOwnDance · 12/01/2025 16:37

No way. They're into absolutely everything at that age.
Even if you think you've got a "baby proof" room they'll find a hole somewhere to poke a body part in, a dvd player to stick a jammy piece of toast or a Lego brick in, or decide to randomly pull themselves upwards onto a sofa and then fling themselves backwards.
Need to be watched. YANBU. Your DH is.

AngelicInnocent · 12/01/2025 16:37

What's so important in the other room that it's comes before his child?

Original poster
Spaghettisour · 12/01/2025 16:35

We have a playpen but it’s been put away as we had guests staying for Christmas. I use it when I’m home alone. I just needed to nip out and asked DH to watch baby for 10 mins and he said he would just go in the other room and listen out for him and I said this wasn’t ok.

OP posts:
Pinkelephant66 · 12/01/2025 16:34

I wouldn’t…. A bit older in a playpen maybe but definitely not just free to do what they want

Hollyhocksandlarkspur · 12/01/2025 16:32

Definitely not safe in my opinion and experience. Toys can have faults and come apart, babies find highly original ways to explore objects that we might not even think of. He might bang his head, choke, all sorts. Why cant your DH have him in a playpen or bouncer in the same room that he is in just for a few minutes?

Viviennemary · 12/01/2025 16:32

No I don't think this is OK. Get a play pen.

TickingAlongNicely · 12/01/2025 16:29

By that age, mine had worked out how to climb furniture.

They need supervision. They have no sense of self preservation

TomatoSandwiches · 12/01/2025 16:28

You can not be 100% sure the room is childproof, children WILL find the one thing to choke on if it is there, they have tiny hands that fit in places you don't see or think off so no it's not safe imo.

Original poster
Spaghettisour · 12/01/2025 16:27

And even in the rooms I think are childproof I feel like DS always finds a flaw in my proofing abilities!

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Original poster
Spaghettisour · 12/01/2025 16:26

It’s not completely childproof no.

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