To be frustrated at some parents as a volunteer?

I think this is a good approach. If people have committed to volunteer once per term / year, then don't make it easy for them to wriggle out of it. Give plenty of notice and tell them to arrange a swap if the allocated date doesn't suit

Something in one of your posts suggests you are looking for proper reasons for a no. And if people are getting that feeling from you, they'll ignore you rather than justify themselves.

I had to remove my DD from an activity. I paid good money but they never stopped asking for volunteers, getting very snippy about those parents that didn't. I've a shift work job and other children, I can't volunteer at this stuff, and I don't feel like I should have to justify it to anyone else. I pay my dues elsewhere.

@LostittoBostik "Re: the "same names" - are they the mothers who don't work? I feel constantly guilt tripped by our PTA but I have literally zero time, unlike all the few women who do it but also have husbands with multiple six or sometimes seven figure salaries"

You have no time to donate something to a tombola? To spend 15 minutes helping tidy up the hall after Cubs when you're there anyway to pick up?

Not read full thread so apologies if repeating!

I was on a rota when DS1 was in cubs, and I did it but did not enjoy it. It wasn't the children, it was more having to run around and other people seeing me doing it, or having to speak in front of the other parents and children - I don't like to stand out in a crowd and was very self conscious. (I am a bit of an introvert and undiagnosed ADHD/Autism we think - on waiting list)

Also, I had younger DS2 so would have to get him a sitter or take him with me. I liked dropping DS1 off and spend a few hours running round doing what I needed to do with DS2 in tow but was less stressful. I could go and do the weekly shop without DS1 running rings around the shopping trolley.

Also, was single parent working full time.

I see you have had some good responses and suggestions now (and some not so good 😂) but just to add what our group does - after several terms of them begging parents to help they have now introduced a shared excel document with dates they need help and a space for the parents to add their own name for each date. It means my OH didn't have to get involved in a long back and forth WhatsApp conversation but was able to add his name to the volunteer list for a date he is available. He could take his time with it and didn't feel too much pressure and therefore resentment. So my vote goes to shared excel document!

I hope this term goes better for you and you manage to recruit some volunteers. It's not easy!!

Our Beaver leader set out in very clear terms that parents weren't allowed to drop off their child unless they had first checked that there were enough adults to run the session. The sessions always ran so it was a seemingly successful method!

Even when I'm not asking for help, just providing some info, I do appreciate the parents who give my message a thumbs up or similar. Some form of interaction is appreciated.

If it’s compulsory then it’s hardly volunteering is it?

In my long experience of voluntary groups , it is always always always a handful of people doing all the work. That’s normal, but feeling it is ok to ignore your texts if they don’t want to help is a horrible modern fad, sadly.

I volunteer with Scouts and almost all of our volunteers work full time and have their own children to look after. When we're volunteering every week, it's galling when parents won't even do one hour per term.

Same here.

We have lost brownie and sports groups in our village because people wont volunteer to help out.

This is the crux really, if people are happy to access these activities but not keen to volunteer that's fine, but will likely lead to groups being unable to continue and then you'll get private money spinning groups filling the gap which makes them less accessible. No one should be judged for not volunteering, but there are implications if no one bothers.

In my experience those who volunteer are the busiest people I know. Full time jobs, multiple children and volunteer in more than one organisation.

Myself and DH both work fill time, we have 3 children and have always volunteered in the community. At one point I was on the PTA, local board and sports coach and DH was coaching 3 teams.
We always struggled to get people to volunteer. Its ALWAYS the same people who put their hand up.
We have had to listen to complaints from parents about reduced services/groups and when we explain that it is due to a lack of volunteers and ask if they can help out, they say they cant as they work full time (as if all the other volunteers dont!).
Posters on here will always come up with excuses like maybe they are single parents with SN children, health problems, etc but for the most part people dont volunteer because they dont want the hassle and are happy for others to do it.

The lack of volunteers means the work is more onerous and eventually forces those who do volunteer to give it up. We have lost brownie and sports groups in our village because people wont volunteer to help out.

The OP is not about people not volunteering, it's about the rudeness of people ignoring messages.

OP I guess just because they feel bad, or feel it's ruder to repeatedly say "no, sorry I can't" or a more truthful "no, sorry I won't"! Which would be rude I suppose :)

I often helped with Beavers but that was because I knew other parents. Increasingly now I don't because the groups that run these things seem very cliquey and closed and as though they'd rather others didn't interfere.

And to answer your initial question: they don't say no bluntly because it feels like an admission of failure. They want to do it, they know they should be doing it, but they literally have zero time or energy for it

I've rarely come across a process that is asking for a yes or no answer. Clubs and schools usually just ask for volunteers to step forward.

Kids sometimes don't like their parents coming along to their activities.

Re: the "same names" - are they the mothers who don't work? I feel constantly guilt tripped by our PTA but I have literally zero time, unlike all the few women who do it but also have husbands with multiple six or sometimes seven figure salaries

I don't volunteer as I have a 6 year old son who needs looking after, also if I could get him watched my daughter would be embarrassed by me

My honest answer is that many parents are working full time, often carrying the majority of the mental load re: kids health/schooling/friendships plus domestic upkeep too.

On top of that when you're looking at guiding age you're also looking at mothers going through the worst years of perimenopause or menopause too.

They have too much already to cope with. They simply do not have the capacity.

The difference between today and 25-30 years ago is that the vast majority of families now need two incomes to sustain a home and ordinary family life. So there isn't the slack in that family's diary to add volunteering in. It's a very depressing situation for women and men, our kids, and our whole society.

What you are describing doesn't sound like a parent helper role but an assistant/leader role.

Our parent helpers don't do anything more than turn up on the night and be another pair of hands e.g. help someone cut something out with scissors, stack some chairs etc. Our parent helpers are sent a copy of the risk assessment in advance and the activity plan. We greet them, give them a brief verbal rundown about how the session will work and anything to watch out for. Our young people thank them at the end of the session and the parent gets a thank you on WhatsApp at the end when we summarise the session for parents. The parent helpers also leave with everyone else at the end, they don't help out with sweeping and shutting the hall down.

I appreciate that not all groups are run in the same way, but I'd be surprised if there were many groups where the parent helpers were being asked to plan and run an activity.

Yes, but in the same way as you struggle, a lot of other people struggle to send a "no" - they'll feel (even if you've said they don't) that they need to provide some kind of reason, and will put off responding until they've got the mental energy to come up with one.

Hence the suggestion that I and another poster both made which was to put a poll in the chat, so people just need to click the "no" button rather than having to actually write the word. You wouldn't think it makes a difference, but in my experience it does.

You could even have a second group chat just for that, and change the settings so only admins (you and anyone else who organises volunteers) can post in it, so that some people don't start writing their excuses as to why they can't, which'll lead others to think they have to do similar (even though you say they don't).

Please do regularly ask but also please don’t feel annoyed when you don’t get regular volunteers There may be excellent reasons.

As ab unsupported single parent it’s the only time off you get all week. Or it’s a time off to go to a different class yourself. Also there may be the demands of own job. Or other kids. Or life admin. Health problems or disability preventing them helping.

When I did volunteer at Brownies did it in pairs and it was brilliant for making friends with a different parent each time. People might feel awkward if they think they will be standing around alone. then you got pairs volunteering together. It did make it less appealing to volunteer when one of the other mums suggested a cafe trip while the kids were doing the activity. There may be that.

also I had no background in these groups from being a child and these days parents increasingly won’t have that background as time goes on for lots of reasons, so they won’t realise what’s involved and all the military terminology etc is confusing and a bit off putting. that’s something that could be explained in a video from head office when you join.

Also there is a changing and IMHO worsening relationships with schools which might be feeding into this. A lot of primary schools don’t let parents and carers in the classroom at all, some don’t let them in the playground to drop off or at pick up. or some schools make them stand in one small area of the playground only. I’m sure it’s due to previous bad experiences. But end result schools are very controlling about what they want parents to do on a daily basis because they don’t have space on site and maybe worry about the parents having acess to other kids. They don’t want parents trying to ask teachers or TAs things each day.

This means the parents have to gather and stand in one spot passively to wave off or receive their kids. It creates a much more ‘us and them’, non communicative handover relationship with school. It creates a source of stress for some parents if they’re new and don’t have other oarents to say hi to. Etc Threads and threads about this on here. So for a lot of parents we will apply that not great experience to your activity too unless it’s massively spelt out that you need the relationship to be a lot different from school.

The head office seem to have a bad reputation with most groups I have been to - and with good reason it seems. why aren’t they supplying materials and wording for every unit to use explaining why volunteers are needed, these are what we might ask you to do, etc

and especially why isn’t there a direct with head office account which remind parents to pay subs or pay for trips? This seems a universal problem that tech could fix.

"I absolutely think it should be no volunteering no place."

I absolutely think that is absolutely purely wrong! There are many parents who simply can't volunteer. There are also many parents who simply won't. Their children have as much right to the activities-and sometimes more need-than any others.

I'm not sure whether the poster rightly objecting to giving reasons was responding to me? Obviously nobody should have to give reasons-as my mother would have said "A simple no would suffice." However, if we knew that a parent definitely couldn't we wouldn't ask. Which saved us time and them hassle. And also if we knew, for example, that a parent had a disability or no car or caring responsibilities or something we could try to find ways for their child to participate in any activities that needed extra adults. So of course you don't have to elaborate. But sometimes it helps everyone if you can.

I'm an atheist, too, and we took the God stuff out years ago
I didn’t know that. Caused a few issues at the time. My pack was abroad and the regional leader was very religious so I had to have several conversations about this faith aspect and wasn’t allowed to leave it out of the promise ceremony. DD is 25 now so it was a while ago but it always irritated me!