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AIBU?

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Original poster

Why should one person do it all?

82 replies

ReachingOut8 · 12/01/2025 13:15

Why are people so against reaching out to an ex? I think my ex should take responsibility for the children as I didn’t make the alone. He has never taken any responsibility for them and has never had them overnight even though we split 8 years ago. I’ve never had a night to myself in that time and he hasn’t seen them at all in 2 years now. I mentioned reaching out to him because I shouldn’t be doing this alone and people (that I don’t know) told me it was obviously just me wanting him back in MY life?! I mean what? We’ve been split 8 years! How can people say this because you want a parent to take responsibility for the children they created! Almost like it’s said to just shame someone from needing support. How is it fair that one parent is left to do it all? So aibu for wanting him to step up and take some responsibility finally?

OP posts:
DarkForces · 12/01/2025 13:27

Of course he should be a decent parent, sadly whether he will be is a different matter. He sounds pretty crap so far so I wouldn't get your hopes up.

Original poster
ReachingOut8 · 12/01/2025 13:24

AnneLovesGilbert · 12/01/2025 13:23

How old are the kids? After two years how well do they remember him?

We’ve been split 8 years so they aren’t babies and yes they will remember him

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 12/01/2025 13:23

How old are the kids? After two years how well do they remember him?

Original poster
ReachingOut8 · 12/01/2025 13:21

Who said leave them straight away? Would obviously build it up…

OP posts:
Christmasgiraffe · 12/01/2025 13:20

I'm not sure why you would want to leave your kids with someone who hasn't seen them for two years.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 12/01/2025 13:19

It isn't fair no, but if he's ignored the kids for 8 years, then he's not going to have a sudden epiphany, is he? I know how you feel, my XH left me with five kids under ten, swanned off to the other end of the country and only made contact when he felt like it. Never paid, only took the kids once a year. I had them ALL THE TIME. All the stress, no money, nobody to help.

But if I'd asked him to help, or to pay, he would only have come up with whatever story he was telling himself to justify his non involvement. It wouldn't have shamed him into stepping up. I imagine other people also asked him why he wasn't having contact with his own children too, so he must have had a story ready. You can't, basically MAKE them step up, or pay, whatever all the posts on here saying 'you'll get 50/50 and he'll HAVE to take them EOW'. He won't if he doesn't want to.

YesYesAllGood · 12/01/2025 13:18

You're absolutely right, OP. But if he's so uninterested in his kids that he hasn't seen them in 2 years would you trust him to take good care of them if he did agree? It shouldn't be like this but sometimes it is.