AIBU to think that my 'D'H of 36 years is an arsehole

Totally this.

Why does he want to sabotage you. I'd be thinking about that.

He's an arsehole and an idiot.
Well done for yourself!
Former binge drinker here, not alcoholic, also five years sober.
Consider living on your own ❤️

Well done you OP for quitting alcohol.

Your DH is absolutely out of order suggesting you should have a drink again. He does not have your best interests at heart .In fact to suggest you have a drink shows what a malicious man he is.I say this as someone who has had a lifelong struggle with alcohol but who quit it for good 2 years ago.

I don't understand why some pp are now trying to bully you into taking HRT. I thought about taking it but it coincided with the big health scare over the side effects and consequences of HRT so I never took it.I'm sure as OP had the willpower and sense to quit alcohol then she also has the sense to make the decision about HRT without being told what to do by pp.

Does he actually understand that you are an alcoholic? Albeit one in recovery? Does he understand that for a true alcoholic, it is never just one? And that an occasional drink is not an option?
Or does he just think you gave up for the fun of it?
My answer to whether he is an arsehole depends on his knowledge level.

Op, is your h a problem drinker at all?

I find those who encourage others to drink want to feel better about themselves and disguise their own issues.

You're amazing for having stopped cold turkey.

Please don’t judge those not taking HRT. There are sound medical reasons to take it and there are sound medical reasons why it is not suitable for some. I take my hat off to anyone who has navigated menopause without HRT.

That's very sad . He should be a lot more supportive and proud of you.

Your sobriety is to be applauded. He’s really not grasping how hard it is, is he? There’s no ‘just one for a little treat’ for an alcoholic. You are absolutely right to resist all temptation. He’s being so stupid to even suggest it.

I didn't know that. I'm sorry to hear it because it should be freely available to any woman who can take it. At your age I would have thought it would be a given, depending on your medical history of course.

You know it's hard to get in many areas right? I'm 49 my Dr won't even entertain me

I'm quite shocked at some of the posters almost trying to justify him.

If you think people need alcohol (just a couple donthcha know) to be "relaxed and happy" that says more about you and your relationship with alcohol than the sober people around you.....

Some people want to drag others down so they can feel better about themselves.

Dont let him, OP. Well done on your fantastic achievement.

Exactly!

Huge congrats on your sobriety
He's a dumb arsehole
A decent caring DH would be supportive and proud of you

Congratulations on your recovery, I have no doubt it has been a very difficult and lonely process for you.

Anyone who tries to sabotage your recovery does not love you. Anyone who has seen you at your lowest and attempts to deliberately drag you back down to it does not love you.

You have so much strength and hopefully you can find the last bit to remove this last bit of negativity from your life. You deserve so much more.

THIS.

End Thread.

Please be aware that he may be trying to frame you. i.e. get you on the wagon again so he can say: See, you are able to............and then use it as an excuse for his own ends. Please stick to your guns, be strong and do what is right by you. If you are a good,polite, and decent person, allow no one to rock your boat. Be Strong!

You've given up one thing that was absolutely no good for you. It's now time to give him up too.

If he thinks you seem unhappy, he should be suggesting you see a GP, or get therapy etc. Not driving you back to the bottle! Awful behaviour.

YANBU; that's an awful thing to say.

Congratulations on your sobriety!

So he knows you're a functioning alcoholic, currently in recovery, and he has suggested that you "have a small scotch now and then". Well, I don't know if he's an arsehole in all areas of life, but he certainly is with this - and ignorant to boot to think you could have the occasional drink and not end up right back where you started. I think you need to find a couple of good, reliable sources of information about alcoholism and WA/email him the links so he can have a read and actually understand what you've achieved by being sober for five years and how having a small scotch "now and then" will never be an option for you.
Well done on your fantastic achievement OP and good luck with your continuing sobriety. 🤗

Maybe to indicate her age/life stage. I always tell people I am post-menopausal - well, not always, but when it's appropriate.

If she felt she didn't need it I don't understand why she would mention it.

@RazorSharp1 well done your sobriety but do have HRT if you need it. It isn't addictive and won't cast a shadow on your sobriety.

Suggesting that anyone would be 'happier' in their life if they had an alcoholic drink is really suspect, even if you weren't a recovering alcoholic.

Alcohol might help temporary relaxation, but I assume that seeking 'happiness' through alcohol is a fast route t problem drinking - and set to fail.

Obviously you must ignore him and his toxic urging you to drink, and well done you for having the resolve, sense of purpose and enough care for your own self to ignore him.

But in your shoes I would want to delve further into what is going in the marriage - is he unhappy? In himself, and / or in the marriage?

Are you happy? Do you seem unhappy? Or is he projecting / moaning / criticising? Does he contribute to your sense of happiness? Does he contribute t any sense of unhappiness?