AIBU to think that my 'D'H of 36 years is an arsehole

What do you mean, he apparently said that? To who? If you, then there's no doubt he said it.

If he said it, then I'll reeks of him thinking it would make his life happier.

My mum was an alcoholic and it ruined mine and my siblings childhoods . You’ve had the courage to quit drinking which is so tough and he makes comments like that? Maybe without alcohol he’s worried you’ll find out he’s a bellend .

He’s an idiot for suggesting you have a drink. It doesn’t sound normal to take 2.5 years to recover from a house move though. Could you be depressed?

His behaviour is absolutely toxic and shows no understanding of the incredible work you have done to stay sober for 5 years. (A HUGE achievement by the way!!). More than this, he is deliberately being unkind. I'd think very hard about staying with someone with so little respect for you.

He sounds awful. It’s a pity you couldn’t get rid of him before moving in to your new home. New home, new life.

You are v combative with someone that was just trying to be helpful tbh. Yes my situation is different because I know I have osteoporosis because I had a DEXA, it's the only way to know so often woman don't know until they reach the point of fracturing after a minor fall, I think being in my position it's important I highlight that for someone that may not be aware and many aren't. Obviously you don't have to take any advice I give on board, but I don't understand why you are coming at me like you are, but don't worry, no more information from me.
BTW we do also have a similarity in that my mum had breast cancer, oestrogen positive receptive, twice. I am not trying to change your mind about hrt.
Anyway, probably nothing more to say on it now

Well, he doesn't have your best interests at heart, does he.
Is he an unsupportive twat in other ways, OP?

So your situation is entirely different to mine then.

I'm going to answer as some who's probably a similar age to you both as I've been married for the same length of time.

We're of a generation that socialised around alcohol, by today's standards we're heavy drinkers, or used to be. I think he misses the social side of having a drink together. I've cut down a, lot and my husband expects us to have a drink on Friday, Saturday and Sunday and can get a bit funny if I don't want any.

Tell him that just one drink can set you off drinking again. You can now buty decent alcohol free drinks like beer and wine, or gin type duplicates. That may work to give your husband the feeling that you're sharing a drink rather than not.

It's very clear that you don't want HRT, that's why I didn't advise it? I just advised checking bone density and how to deal with it if there's loss WITHOUT hrt as someone that's had osteoporosis since my late 30s

@tothelefttotheleft yeah it’s outrageous— from Demi Moore’s very good autobiography—“Ashton was enjoying a glass of good red wine when he said, “I don’t know if alcoholism is a real thing—I think it’s all about moderation.” I wanted to be that girl. The girl who could have a glass of wine at dinner, or do a tequila shot at a party. In my mind, Ashton wanted that, too. I tried to become that: a fun, normal girl. I didn’t think, This is a kid in his twenties who has no idea what he’s talking about. I didn’t think, I have nearly two decades of sobriety under my belt, and that’s a huge accomplishment. Instead, I cast about for justifications for his argument.”

Jesus Christ. He’s appalling. Genuinely shocked at him trying to coach a recovering alcoholic to drink whiskey. More shocked when that person is his wife.

It's probably a bit deeper that just being an arse hole per say. I don't think it is that out of the ordinary for someone who is alcohol dependent to try and encourage other people to drink with them. It helps alleviate their own feelings of guilt at not being able to control their own drinking. Drug addicts do this all the time because they don't feel as guilty if other people are doing it with them.

I'm not concerned about osteoporosis. I'm concerned about breast cancer, and given I've managed without HRT for the last 17 years, I'm not going to worry about getting it now.

Osteoporosis doesn't have to be genetic unfortunately, just being a menopausal woman puts you at risk unfortunately. A DEXA scan would let you know if there's been a loss so you could alter diet and weight bearing exercise if needed even if you don't want to consider HRT

It wasn't aimed at you, or anyone in particular.
I read a few posts where people seemed to be quite horrified that OP wasn't on HRT. I don't know why they pounced on that because as far as I can see that wasn't the point of the thread: the point of the thread was OP's DH undermining her in a very malicious way.
I know OP mentioned HRT in her first post. But it wasn't what she was asking about. And I felt given the way her DH was trying to persuade her to drink alcohol it didn't seem appropriate for other people trying to persuade her to take a drug she is perfectly capable of making her own mind up about.
Actually I haven't really read the thread since I posted my comment - I only came back on because someone reacted to my post and I saw your comment about what I'd said.

I didn't take HRT (started my menopause at 47) because my family medical history indicated best not to (no history of Osteoporosis and mum died of breast cancer in her early sixties). Fortunately, the only symptoms I had were hot flushes, which were easily manageable. I was lucky. 😊

Does he have a drink problem himself? Just sounds like he doesn't like a light being held up as to what functioning alcoholic is

It is not just about him encouraging OP to drink - that might be excused if he really was utterly ignorant about alcoholism.

But OP also says he did nothing to help when they were moving house and she was stressed.

On that basis, I judge him to be a lazy waste of space who doesn't notice or care what OP is going through, and OP should dump him.

Even after 36 years of marriage, it is fine to get divorced.
The question is @RazorSharp1, do you want to spend your remaining retirement decades or years married to this arsehole, risking your sobriety every day? Or do you want to step bravely into a wonderful new life, just as you did when you gave up alcohol?

I think context is important

Is this the first / only time he has ever suggested this @RazorSharp1 ?

I am almost 3 years AF and I am the first to admit I'm probably not as much fun as the previous version of me (I'm calmer, happier, healthier, more present and more balanced but I know I'm not particularly fun!) so I wouldn't be massively offended if my partner was to broach the subject with me. Not about having a drink per se but about my happiness. However I'd explain my position and expect the notion of me drinking 'occasionally' never to be raised again!!

Of course my partner already knows my position. But I wouldn't be offended if he expressed a one off pondering about if I ever planned to drink on special occasions.

If this is something he is raising often or pressurising you with, he's bang out of order.

I don't understand why some pp are now trying to bully you into taking HRT. I thought about taking it but it coincided with the big health scare over the side effects and consequences of HRT so I never took it.I'm sure as OP had the willpower and sense to quit alcohol then she also has the sense to make the decision about HRT without being told what to do by pp.

If that's aimed at me then you can pack it in. I can't help it that you can't read/comprehend what's posted. If you think posters are bullying the OP then report them. I've been nothing but supportive of the OP and to the poster who can't get HRT.

Why not? Don’t take no for an answer.

I didn't know that. What an idiot. Is it the Scientology thing? Like Tom cruise not believing in anti depressants and psychiatry?

well done op. Its a great achievement. I hope you feel really proud 😊

hes not helpful or supportive. He wont change or be open to changing his lifestyle unfortunately