AIBU to think that my 'D'H of 36 years is an arsehole

And the first post nails it! Total arsehole.

Wow. He sounds like a complete arsehole. Who in their right mind encourages an ex-alcoholic to drink again?!

I haven't read the full thread but may be able to offer an alternative perspective here.

DM (10 years ago) suddenly announced one day that she wasn't going to drink any more. This was on the back of DSIS admitting she was alcoholic. DM seemingly took a deal with the devil and pledged never to drink again if DSIS stayed sober.

Sadly, DM passed away 2.5 years ago, and it's only now I realise that she was also potentially alcohol dependent.

DF (still very much alive and well) has sometimes shown some resentment towards DSIS as it was seemingly her fault that DM stopped having fun and drinking.

DM health deteriorated hugely in a short time and I think DF connects this with her not drinking and stopping going out etc..

Maybe OP DH feels similar and isn't articulating well.

I gave up alcohol mostly for medical reasons but didn't miss it and still don't. I have friends who are quite offensive about it. They don't understand why I don't need alcohol to have a good time. One even said that being of Celtic origin means I should drink alcohol.

I'm sure you'd tell me I'm under no pressure to drink and that I should just get new friends. Think about your husband in this light. My DH does occasionally feel guilty about having a drink but had only once made me feel pressured to have alcohol (he feared offence and possible violence from the person offering it and has learnt his lesson). Explain to him that he's fine to have a drink - you really don't mind - but you have no desire to do so. Be the designated driver and people will love you. He'll never have to call a cab...

I'd also recommend 0% alcohol lager, Guinness, wine and gin which do really help with people leaving you in peace.

This is definitely a case of LTB for me. He's a piece of shit.

yup total arsehole.
wel done maintaining "no"

You've achieved so much by yourself, perhaps you need to remove this last "hindrance" before it drags you down.

Firstly well done you - you are amazing xxx
secondly, he is evil suggesting you drink and are miserable ffs!!!!!
sounds like he is jealous of your strength of character and sheer determination (keep it up )

Congratulations on your sobriety! Your H is a massive wanker. Is he like this in every aspect of your life?

Don’t do it!

You are correct, he is an arsehole!

This would be final straw based on the rest of his attitude. He’s at best a dead weight you are carrying and at worst a toxic influence and serious risk to your wellbeing.

Well done on how you’ve managed in spite of him.

Yes, he sounds like an arsehole. With the disrespect to your sobriety and leaving you to sort a house move on your own.

No sure what having no HRT has to do with it though

I honestly believe there are a small number of people on mumsnet that are mentally retarded! Who in their right mind thinks it’s ok to push a recovering alcoholic into having a drink? Nutters, that who!

True this. Heavily drinking ( functioning alcoholic )friends split up when one got sober and the other refused to stop. It's not unusual. Maybe a bit of support via counselling for you as you're not getting it at home.

Sounds like he is an arsehole.

You are doing so well. He wants to bring you down.

to his level. Time to rethink the relationship.

He’s a plonker!

It became apparent when I sobered up that my partner of 20 years and I had nothing in common and he was a bit of a knob. 3 years sober and 6 months single! Heavenly

YANBU at all. That’s a very selfish and inconsiderate thing to say as well as uncaring and stupid given your history with alcohol. Is he usually this selfish and stupid?

My ex used to do this , I was easier to “control “
if I’d had a drink , and he didn’t like it when I didn’t
you notice more sober , !!!
dont listen to him if he really loved you he’d be supporting your sobriety not manipulating you into drinking when it’s not good for you

You know what, you might want to learn a bit more about AA. Sometimes giving up drinking can make someone on edge.

Your husband is still an arsehole. But if you think you'd benefit, there's so much more to sobriety than not drinking.

I had this from my soon to be exH a lot! I was sober when we got together… but we had been in a relationship many years previous when I wasn’t. It took a lot for me to end my party lifestyle and he never did really understand why. He felt I was ‘extreme’, accused me of being ‘puritanical’ and didn’t support my clean living. It was one of the many reasons the marriage ended … he suggested quite often that my content was the problem … not his drinking. Which was frequently excessive. Have you considered joining AA? There are so many online meetings & the support in the program is fantastic. So in answer to your question, yes your DH is a total arsehole. Congratulations on your sober time.

Hope your emergency has been or is easily resolved, OP.

Does he know you considered your drinking a problem in terms of your attachment to alcohol, or did you present your decision to go cold turkey as being about the impact of alcohol on your health, dislike of the hangover, etc.? (And was attachment to alcohol/inability to drink moderately the issue?)

Because if the latter, then I don’t think suggesting you might benefit from the relaxation of a small drink is particularly thoughtless in the sense that knowingly encouraging an alcoholic to drink is.

Though I agree with others that the “make your life better” is probably more accurately “make his life better”. And his lack of support for you at a stressful time is worrying, regardless. Do you think he’s going to be a good partner as you age together? Or is he all about you supporting him and no reciprocation?

I'm on here with about 800 votes in and 4% of YABU votes. I'm going to tell that there are at least 32 people who are not using common sense.