To think always having the children with you is stressful?

Lol school isn't for 18 month old babies

@mistyfields you are not wrong 😆

Time is a completely different concept when you have children (especially if you are ever trying to get out the door quickly!)

Try to ensure that you do take time just for yourself though, it's so easy to put yourself last.

Enjoy them 🌻

Rubbish. All children are different, regardless of parenting. You sound ignorant and smug.

There are very well behaved children, but it isn't always down to the parents, not is poor behaviour.

Some children are naturally quiet and meek,and any kind of parent would have produced them. Some children are hyperactive or autistic or have tourettes it any other disability and no amount of "good parenting" would stop the child calling out, getting up when it's expected they sit still etc.

Why should they always be with you though? It sounds like you view him as an occasional babysitter not an equal parent.
A massive perk of only one child is much easier to have more adult friendly trips plus you can trade off sometimes with another parent. Once they start going on trips with brownies etc then you get a weekend to yourself.

I definitely think people who have a village are much happier, more relaxed and have better mental health.

Is it an option to get a childminder one evening a week? What about weekends? Is your family around?

Because who else would they be with when they're with her...?

'' I used to enjoy wandering around new places and looking at shops and cafes and restaurants, I can’t do that now because my toddler would cause mayhem. ''

That's entirely down to you, if your toddler causes ''mayhem''!

I used to take son in his buggy and on foot to antiques fairs and auctions, and around shops in central London- he never caused a minute's worth of trouble. {He's grown now}.

There are really well behaved toddlers at restaurants and cafés, and this is due to their parent/s.

It's definitely possible to instil good behaviour in toddlers - They generally like being out and about, and one can add in fun things for them as well, like going to the Park for a run around.

Edited to say I had no help from family as we had to move out of London to afford a house.

I actually think DD was a better companion on general days out between age 7-11 she was very amenable and happy to do anything and go anywhere.

Now it's fine if it's something she is interested in but has to be worth her while as she has other options available to her that don't include me.

I don’t have parents that will look after my children sadly so yes it’s hard to not feel envious of those that do. I drop my 3 to school, collect one at 11 then collect the others at 3 and have one home full time so yes find it impossible to get anything done. My older ones are teens but not any easier due to Sen. I can’t see a time it will get easier but it should do if there are no Sen etc.

YANBU but it does get easier when your youngest turns 3 or 4 to do nice things again. It’s not 100% the same as you’re still responsible but it’s much much easier.

This too shall pass. I remember feeling like that but now mine are 14 and 12 and I often go out for walks, lunch etc without them. But improvements came years ago. Once they're at school you suddenly get more time. Maybe you're working full time? If so, you could always book the occasional afternoon off work so you can do nice things on your own while they're at school. Also can your partner have them occasionally to give you a break? When mine were little DH would take them out for a few hours so I could have time alone.

I think it’s better before teens though. My 4 year old I don’t worry as much as last year as at 3 he would have ran off still ie at pharmacy trying to get a prescription and he wouldn’t stand nicely. He would now. So by the time yours youngest is also 4/5 years I think slightly better.

Are you aware that school doesn’t start until a child is older than OP’s?

Hate people who are obtuse for the sake of it.

Im with you OP. We had a lot of empty promises of help and a few major changes around work during pregnancy so I was NOT expecting to have so little freedom. It's really hard. We went to Greece last year and looking at the people on carefree holidays was actually quite depressing as, now we don't have help, it probably will be at least 13 years until we can holiday like that again
😂.

I accepted it and threw myself into it 100%. It makes a difference, your mindset becomes less about resenting what you once enjoyed but can no longer do and all about what you can do and enjoy at this new life stage. Manage your own expectations. Being 'on' all the time is exhausting, so build routines with activities that require less 'on' throughout the day.

What is important to you?
For me it was theatre so I started 'training' DD from 2 at tot specific shows how to behave at the theatre and now in her teens it's still something we love doing.
I also like eating out so started off in supermarket cafes 'Kids eat free' and eventually moved on to nice restaurants as she got older.

Once they hit 14 you can just leave them home alone and go galavant and do what you like for the day and they don't want to go with you anyway.

It gets better before the teen years. I have four and once the older two were eight and six life was much easier and I could do fun things again. Life was so good I decided to have two more and I’m back in the trenches with a 3 year old! Life with teens and tweens is challenging in its own way but much easier I promise.

I feel like this is deliberately obtuse.

Even if you have a lot of time away from your children, you do not get that sense of freedom in life that you may have had before young kids. You might get a few hours here and there, or a day pursuing your own interests. Otherwise, it's you and the kids.

OP I have two young children. I work full time so when I am home I am with them. My husband also works full time so we have family time together at weekends. I don't take time really to myself at the weekend because I feel my children need time to be with me and my husband is the same. So I totally get your perspective - it is very different to life before children and you don't have that same freedom as before.

I am not talking to you, you have commented on my comment that wasn’t aimed at you! I have 2 at school so yes my kids are all with me unless at school and I wasn’t “making a point to you” I was answering the OP!

It’s certainly a realisation when you can’t meander round like you used to. There used to be a time when I couldn’t think of anything worse than dragging DS round the shops. He was a very good child but would get bored of it, and rightly so, there’s nothing to really keep their attention. We’d have a look round, go to a cafe for a drink and cake then go home or go to the park etc. So most of our trips out were geared around him to stop him being bored. But it changes before you know it. Now he’s 8 and I took him Christmas shopping and he was such good company, chatting and browsing, it really was lovely. So you don’t necessarily have to wait for the teenage years before they’re happy to tag along with things you want to do.

Well yes, that's how it is but it won't be years. My wise uncle told me anything after 7 became civilised and I agree with him.

I think most parents feel this way when kids are that age. But is you DH away on an oil rig or something, otherwise you should be able to have time off at least at the weekend. I think there are places that everyone can enjoy, eg NT places in the summer. (Not stately homes specifically!)

Mine are school age now and I like taking a sneaky day off work to enjoy some me time sometimes.

Right now that you can't make a point to save your life. They're with you unless they're in school...but they don't go to school? Make your mind up.

OPs children have 2 parents. She can do things when they're in the other parents care. Also she probably has family, and if not, paid care exists.

Sorry, about referencing your partner - times ten for you as a single parent!