To think always having the children with you is stressful?

Always having the children with you would be unbearable. Nobody should have to cope with that.

Not at all. If you have more children, dad looks after them too!! Any time. If you needed to work that day, go another day to the art gallery.

I'm not argumentative and it's not annoying me at all. I'm just summing up the issue.
First day on MN?

My DCs are 8 & 10yo and DH isn't around much to take on any decent chunk of childcare. I used to find the lack of alone time draining, and still do sometimes but it's been much much better for years (although it probably helps that I work on my own, even if work isn't particularly relaxing!). You're still very much in the trenches with those ages OP.

Once DC2 is a bit older, you can get them doing extracurriculars together, which buys you an hour of alone time sat in the car a few times a week with a book or a bit of doom scrolling. There will come a point too when you can take them to soft play knowing they are old enough to get on with it with minimal supervision whilst you read your book (provided you are able to screen out the background noise and are confident your DCs aren't the kind to be softplay hooligans 😬).
They also became much more self-sufficient at home some years ago, meaning that although I still had to be in ear-shot, I could escape and spend short spells 'alone' doing the things I wanted. It is worth putting in the hours when they're young to teach them to get their own cereal, get a glass of water or make toast (we have wooden tongs to fish the bread out of the toaster) - they were both doing all this by 4yo. My 8yo can now make her packed lunch, a cup of tea and cheese on toast, and can operate the microwave to heat the milk for hot chocolate or make hot Weetabix.
We leave our 10yo home alone for short stretches too now, which she loves as she no longer has to be dragged along every time we need to run a quick errand and it also makes popping out more straightforward. Another 2 years and I will be able to do those kinds of errands completely alone...

Hang on in there, you don't have to wait until the teen years to get some time back.

@BrokenHipster - that only works if you have very set work hours, or no other children. Dh took Ds out from 9-4 yesterday, but I Had loads of work to do as I had busy order week. So my ‘day’ child free whilst dh wasnt working, was me working. It’s not a day I can spend at leisure walking around an art gallery.

I totally get where you're coming from! I might get a couple of hours a month of grandparent babysitting if I'm lucky, and when DH is around he'll take them, but largely I'm either at work or with the kids (similar ages to yours), and it's so intense and tiring.

DH is away a lot for work but gets a lot of downtime when he is - he's very hands on and often says he'd prefer to be home with all of us, but he doesn't really have a clue what it's actually like having almost no 'me' time.

The problem I find is even though I can manage a bit of a potter round a market or a trip to a cafe or whatever, I have to plan and manage so carefully to make sure they don't go totally feral that it's not relaxing at all like it used to be. So for now I don't really try as I'd want to do it as I like to rather than a compromise where I feel I should have enjoyed it but really spent more time thinking about how to entertain a toddler and a preschooler. Give it a couple of years...

Why are you so argumentative ? Why is this annoying you so much?

Yes it is really hard. But these children have a father - why are your expectations if him so low?

Wow. So your actual problem is that either your partner is a completely useless dad, or you're extremely controlling and won't let him be a dad.

As suspected, your op only made sense if it's actually something else

Wouldn't do what? Leave them with Dad? Why the fuck not?

If you have the hard stuff, then so must be ...

...so?

I op said DH isn't around much though...

We were on the Tube the other day, saw three kids running riot , their mother nose deep in her phone - not a single attempt to rein in their behaviour.

Are you really so tunnel visioned you can’t at all empathise with what OP is saying? you just HAVE to pick at it?

1. Yanbu in one sense. I remember the huge luxury that was food shopping without children when mine were that age. Dilly dallying round the shops- heaven.

1. But - it's not till they're teenagers, just till 4/5 and at school.

1. And but 2 - why is your dh not able to take over evenings and weekends so that you can get some adult time?

But if you work the whole time they're at school there's still very little time for yourself.

Plus annual leave is never as much as school holidays so taking occasional days off isn't always doable.

DD starts secondary school in September and I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. She can be left alone long enough for me to go for a run, I won't have to do school runs which I sometimes use my lunch break to do at the moment!

A sample size of your children and your friend's children doesn't prove anything either way, but thanks for the information

Their dad, obviously?

Jesus, wtf is wrong with people here today? Such daft questions.

I remember when mine were little, I used to fantasise about a non-urgent hospital stay
Now that they're teens, I have more freedom. But life is more problematic in other ways

Probably why it wasn't aimed at the person with the 18 month old, wouldn't you say?

It will (can) get better way before teens- I'd say there's a step change in parenting intensity once the youngest one hits 3/4- so old enough to understand instructions/ consequences. They just become that bit more independent. When they get into primary years they'll start doing activities and playdates independently which gives you a bit of downtime (trade lifts like a boss for extra time). Once they get towards secondary you can leave them for short periods- it's the little things like being able to pop out because you need milk without getting everyone to come with you. Then they hit teens and basically disappear except when they need money or food.

YANBU but this phase is over really fast, in hindsight at least. Mine are 17 and 14. I feel that I have so much of my old life back, plus I get to do things with my teenagers. When they were small I thought it would never end but it does and you can appreciate the freedom to leave the house alone so much more.

My friend's children are very good as well.

Really 🙄

My children are generally well behaved but a shopping trip and meal out are entirely different with them around than if I can go alone/with other adults.